Bullet(9)

But when I realized what I was feeling, I swallowed the saliva pooled in my mouth and sat up straight. A shiver raced through my body, and I didn’t know if it was from the cold air or from Brad’s piercing gaze.

I managed to get hold of myself before anyone noticed…or so I thought. Brad did notice, but he didn’t say a word.

After they’d completed their set and set their instruments down, Ethan reemerged in the regular world. He looked at me and asked, “So, Val, what do you think?”

I was feeling more like my old self, and I wanted to tease my friend. “Well…” I acted like I was worried and afraid to speak, and then I continued. “I don’t know how to tell you this, but—” Ethan didn’t quite hang his head in disappointment, but I saw a shadow move over his eyes. The other guys didn’t seem too pleased either, but they were better able to hide their disappointment. Time to let them off the hook, especially as hard as Ethan seemed to be taking my supposed bad news. “You guys are—f*cking fantastic!” I was smiling until I realized I’d dropped an F-bomb. My eyebrows bolted up my forehead, and I covered my hand with my mouth. I might have legally been an adult, but sometimes I felt like a kid, particularly when I did something like that.

I started laughing and so did the guys. Ethan was in front of me in a split second and picked me up in a hug, twirling me around. When he let me down, he said, “You little shit. You had me fooled there for a second.” He chuckled, but then I saw a glimmer of insecurity, something I’d never seen in Ethan before. “Are you serious, though? Do you really like our sound?”

I finally recovered from my slip-of-the-tongue moment. “Of course, I do. You guys will go so far if you keep playing like that. And you can play for me anytime.”

Brad let out a whoop, suddenly a nineteen-year-old young man again instead of the tempting guy he’d been just minutes earlier. “Good. I told my mom and dad someone would like our stuff. My dad asked what mom said and before I could even answer, he said it was a sound even a mother couldn’t love. Thanks for proving him wrong, Val.”

I smiled at him and then began to doubt that he’d even had that effect on me earlier. Zane played a bassline and then said, “We like it, and that’s all that counts.”

Brad said, “Hey, Valerie…” Something was up his sleeve, and I immediately grew nervous again. That furtive smile and the secret silent exchange now hung between us. I took a deep breath. There was no way I’d be able to be around this guy for too long…not if I wanted to remain faithful to Ethan. Yeah…like we were really in a relationship. “I saw you mouthing the words to all the covers. Would you like to sing one?”

I laughed and waved my hands in front of me. “No, that’s okay.”

“I’m serious. You could give our vocal cords a rest.”

“Besides,” Ethan said, now a conspirator, draping his arm around my shoulders, “you said you’d always fantasized about being on stage.”

I felt that warmth start crawling up my neck again. God…he’d actually remembered that? “Well, I don’t know.” I took a deep breath. “Both your voices are a lot better than mine.”

“No excuse, Val. Come on,” Brad said, teasing me with his eyes. In the short hour or two since I’d met Brad, I already felt as though I’d known him most of my life. So, naturally—and, perhaps, stupidly—I trusted him.

All the guys were pleading at me with their eyes. I sighed. “Okay.” Brad and Ethan high fived. “But only one song.”

“Of course.”

Zane asked, “What do you want us to play?”

Oh. That was a difficult question. I had been singing to metal since I’d turned thirteen, and I’d listened to everything from the classics to the most cutting-edge stuff out there. The problem was I had no idea who was actually in my range, which songs I really knew the words to…none of that. I’d lowered my eyes and was concentrating on the design painted on the bass drum, but I was going through a list of artists and favorite songs in my head. I couldn’t do any screaming vocals, and I knew I couldn’t go too high or too low. As I thought about it, I figured my range was pretty limited. The most singing I’d done outside of my bedroom, car, or the shower was probably in church singing low-key, depressing hymns that were definitely out of my range. Finally, I shrugged. “No idea.”

Brad squinted his eyes as though scrutinizing me. “How do you feel about Korn?”

“I like ‘em.”

He grinned. “Name anything you could sing off one of their first four CDs.” Ethan scowled at him. “What? I can play any one of ‘em.”

The look Ethan had been giving him turned into a glare. “I can’t.” He looked at me. “Know ‘Moon Baby’ by Godsmack?”

“Yeah.”

“Would you feel comfortable singing it?”

“I think so.”

“You know the words?”

“Yep.”

“You heard the woman.” Ethan positioned his guitar and started playing. Zane’s eyes widened and he darted back to get his bass, while Nick rushed back to his set of drums. Even I wasn’t ready. Brad slid the mike out of the stand and handed it to me. Then he propped his guitar against the wall and sat in the chair where I’d been just moments before.

Oh, shit. I’d just fueled some sort of testosterone contest, and Brad had lost. This was a one-guitar song. Brad had been suggesting songs that required two guitars. And I was stupid enough to have completely missed it.

But Brad acted like it didn’t bother him at all. In fact, he seemed to enjoy the fact that he would get to watch me performing. God, I was nervous, but I was excited too. One thing I’d planned to do the day I turned twenty-one was go to a bar—not to get drunk, but to sing karaoke in front of a crowd. So today I got to perform for an audience of one.

I almost missed my cue but started singing at the right time, right about the point where Zane and Nick joined in. I had thought I would be embarrassed, but I wasn’t—not even a little. And I loved the emotions pouring through me and out through the words. I thought of both Brad and Ethan when I sang the song and tried to dismiss the little battle that I’d just witnessed, hoping that was a normal thing between them and not something potentially disastrous. But even those worries disappeared as I continued singing. My voice was more powerful than I’d thought, and after the first line of the song, I was in my element.

Maybe the stage was the place for me…but where the hell did that fit into college?

No, it was all fantasy, just like I’d said to Ethan not long ago. Maybe he could make it, and having seen them perform that night, I thought they all could, but not me. Yeah, I’d fantasized about being in a rock band, but only because I was such a hardcore fan. I had my chance right then and there in Brad’s garage for three minutes, and now it was time to return to reality and the fact that I needed to settle on an academic major, not decide to be a vocal major as this newfound fantasy urged me.

And when the vocals ended, I realized Ethan had been doubly selfish. I’d forgotten the long guitar solo at the end of the song, but I remembered as soon as I had to slide the mike back in the stand.

The solo was impressive, though, even when Ethan went “off script.” He was doing stuff in that solo that Godsmack would probably cringe hearing, but it was kind of cool. Definitely Ethan…mysterious, unwarranted but badass, in your face and ballsy. I moved to stand beside the chair and watch, and Brad smiled and patted his knee…inviting me to sit on his lap? Oh, no, I didn’t think so. He and I had already gotten a little too chummy in the few short hours I’d known him. If I sat on his knee, I knew all chances I had with Ethan would be lost forever.

He grinned and stood. “Seriously, go ahead and have a seat.” He waved his hand at it as though inviting me.

“No, really, I’m good.”

He shrugged and the two of us stood to watch Ethan finish the solo. Brad stood close enough to me, though, that I imagined I could feel his body heat radiating over to mine. It had to be my imagination. But that vibration inside, the one shaking me to the core? Yeah…that was Brad, and if Ethan had sensed any of the insane, unexpected chemistry between me and his best friend, this would be the last time I ever saw Brad.

Ethan was good. From what I’d seen of the two of them, they were both incredible guitarists but they played differently. The biggest difference? When Brad played his guitar, he remembered I still existed. For Ethan, his whole world became that damned guitar…and nothing else.





Chapter Six



EITHER ETHAN HADN’T noticed, or he just didn’t give a shit. That was okay, I supposed, because nothing would ever come of whatever weird chemistry Brad and I had. That was my guess, anyway, because as soon as we were in his truck to head back to his house, Ethan said nothing about it and instead asked, “Did you really like our band, or were you just being nice?” I looked over at him, my brows furrowed, but I doubted he could see my face. The street lamps in this town were few and far between, and what little he could see inside the truck would be coming from the dash. “I know you have a tendency to be polite, but coming from a guy who trusts you, who’s putting all his trust in you, please be totally honest. Brutally honest. I’ll get plenty of fan gushing later on. I need criticism right now.”