Bullet(6)

“Sorry…”

“No, Val, don’t be. That’s something I probably should have already thought about.”

I forced a smile, but I know it was weak. “We can Google it.”

“Yeah, I’m not ready to find out yet.” I smiled and squeezed ketchup out of a packet onto the paper covering the tray. He said, “So how’d you like the bands?”

No way was I going to talk about the hot guitarist of the second band making me feel all warm and gooey. I’d focus on the music. “They were awesome. Thanks again for inviting me.”

“Did you like ‘em?”

“Yeah. The first one was raw and angry, and the second guys were too, but they felt more polished.”

“That’s kind of what I thought, too. I’ve seen ‘em before. They’re good.” We ate in silence for a few moments until Ethan said, “So…you know one of my secrets now.” I looked at him with a confused look on my face, I’m sure. He grinned. “You know about my band. But, you know, we don’t really know a whole lot about each other. I mean…where are you from? What’s your major?”

I nodded. “I’m from Winchester.”

“Winchester…that’s over by Colorado Springs, isn’t it?”

I nodded. “Yep. Where are you from?”

“A podunk shit town about an hour from here. Nothing even worth talking about.” He crumpled up the wrapper from his first burger and began unwrapping a second. “So…major?”

Hmmm…okay, so he didn’t want to talk about his home. I wondered why but didn’t want to force the issue. “I’m undecided.”

“Me, too.”

“It’s not that there isn’t anything I’m interested in. In fact, it’s the opposite. I’m interested in a lot of things. Too many, I guess. So…I can’t really decide what I want to do.”

“They say it’s okay to be undecided your first year. You kind of get a feel for what you want to study and then you decide.”

We spent the rest of time at McDonald’s comparing our first semester experiences with each other. We talked about the classes we didn’t have in common, as well as professors and different students we’d met in classes. We also talked about other interests outside of music, and I mentioned that I liked to write poetry. So he made me promise to share my poetry with him sometime. I told him I’d love to as long as he also promised to share his music with me in the near future. He winked and said he would soon.

We arrived back at the college a little while later, and he walked me up to my dorm room. It was after eleven, but it was Friday night, and since I wasn’t worried about losing any sleep, I invited him in. We’d talked about Googling to see if his band’s name was already taken. I liked the name Bullet, especially since I felt like he’d penetrated my heart already, much like a bullet would have, but I feared that name would be too common to not have been taken already.

When we walked in the door to my room, I was surprised to see Charlotte. I had expected her to be on a date or spending the night somewhere else. For her to be in our dorm room so early on a Friday night was odd. Ethan sat backwards in the chair at my desk, and I sat on the edge of my bed across from him. I said, “Ethan, this is my roommate, Charlotte Edwards. Charlotte, my friend, Ethan Richards.”

“You guys went to a concert tonight, right?”

I couldn’t contain my enthusiasm. “Yes. And it was awesome!”

“So all you guys dress that way for your way-out concerts. What’s with all the black? Not that I don’t like black; I love it…” She eyed Ethan from head to toe, even though the back of the chair covered his torso. “Especially on men. But you two look like you went to a funeral, not a concert. Actually, Valerie, you look like a little girl going to a funeral.”

What was she trying to do, aside from upset me? Well, she wasn’t going to get the satisfaction. I was going to keep my cool if it killed me. “Charlotte, you are entitled to your opinion, but I happen to think both Ethan and I are appropriately dressed for the concert we attended. We didn’t look out of place. And, here on campus, I always dress appropriately for classes. I’m sorry you can’t quite understand metal culture.”

Ethan was silent. Maybe he sensed a heated battle. I glanced over at him, and he just grinned in that cocky way of his. Maybe he wanted to see a catfight.

Charlotte raised her pencil-thin eyebrows. “Oh, I understand it. I just don’t get the appeal.”

I shrugged, trying to maintain the peace. “That’s cool. It’s not for everybody.” She rolled her eyes. “And I wouldn’t dress like this every day. I wouldn’t totally metal out for class.”

“Thank goodness.”

I was tired of her bitchiness, and I was pretty irritated that she felt the need to do it in front of my friend and love interest. She was embarrassing. I was going to call her on her rudeness. “What’s that supposed to mean anyway?”

She sneered at me. “You look awful.”

Ethan didn’t let me get in the next word. He said, “She looks f*ckin’ awesome.”

That didn’t stop Charlotte. “Only because she’s the exact replica of you.” Ethan raised his eyebrows, as though questioning her sanity. She continued, “Was this planned?”

I was tired of being insulted by the little…bitch. Yes, that’s what she was, and—even though at that point in my life I didn’t use foul language much (believe me when I tell you that’s changed)—I was angry. I was going to say something—anything—as rude and as out of character as possible, hoping to get her attention and make her think about how mean she was. “At least I’m not so desperate for attention that I walk around campus in Victoria’s Secret lingerie when it’s snowing outside.”

Her disinterested look turned into a glare, and she jumped off her bed. “You little bitch!” she spat. “You’ve got nerve. That’s a low blow.”

“Oh, and your cracks about being a little girl and dressing poorly weren’t?”

I guess I’d struck a nerve, although I couldn’t see how. I wasn’t being any ruder than she was. But she lunged at me with her sharp red fingernails anyway. I hadn’t noticed Ethan beside me until he caught her wrists in time. He just looked at her for what seemed like forever, as though to burn something into her brain. He said, “You touch her…or any of her stuff, you’ll have to answer to me.” He still didn’t look at me when he said, “Come on, Val. Let’s go.”

He let go of Charlotte’s wrists, and she started rubbing her left one. As I started following Ethan to the door, she said, “Don’t bother. I won’t stay in this room with this tramp one more minute.”

I stopped and took a deep breath. “Tramp?” I let out a breath and decided just to shut up. I turned around to see what she was doing. She’d slid a small suitcase out from under her bed and opened it on top of her blanket. She really was packing. That was weird. I hadn’t done anything to make her want to leave, had I?

She packed a few things and said, “I’ll be back tomorrow for the rest of my stuff. Can’t wait to have your sicky-sweet cheerful shitty self out of my hair.” She shoved past Ethan to the door.

Once the door slammed, Ethan put his hands on my shoulders and pulled me into an embrace. What a strange evening. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, but I’m wondering what the hell just happened.”

“You guys fight a lot?”

“No, not really. And I didn’t realize I drove her that crazy.”

Ethan chuckled. “Guess you killed her with kindness.” I didn’t want to think about Charlotte anymore, especially since having my head up against his chest and his arms around my back was distracting the hell out of me. He was quiet when he said, “I wonder where she’ll go.”

Why did he even care? I shouldn’t have let that bother me, but it did. Still, I didn’t plan to say anything about it. “She’ll probably go to one of her boyfriends’. I really don’t care.”

“I should probably go.” He pulled back a little to look me in the eye. “You sure you’ll be all right?”

Without even thinking, I said, “Yeah. I’ll probably have the best night’s sleep I’ve had since I got here. I feel pretty good actually.” But I felt like the worst was not yet over between Charlotte and me. I knew that down to my bones.

“If you need anything, call me. And I’ll call you tomorrow.” He kissed me on the forehead, but why wouldn’t he just kiss me full on?

“Good night, Ethan,” I said, and I wondered if I sounded as dreamy to him as I did to myself.

He left and the room felt empty and lonely, even if it did feel nice without Charlotte. Adrenaline was still pumping through my veins when I put on pajamas and crawled into bed. At first, I was worried that Charlotte would come crashing back into our room and pull me out of bed. And then I realized maybe I had been stupid and lost my opportunity with Ethan. Maybe he needed encouragement. Maybe I should have just done the kissing myself, planted my lips on his full ones and cut loose. Or maybe I should have told him I didn’t feel safe and that I wanted him to stay with me. But…being virginal me and wanting to protect my virtue, I didn’t even consider it until later as I lay in my bed, wondering what misstep I had taken.