Brightly Burning(56)
“I know you’re probably pretty happy right now, thinking that you’ve won. That now you can get your way and have Hugo all to yourself.” Bianca kept her voice low, almost pleasant. “But you’re deluding yourself that by removing me from the picture, you’ll make him love you. You’re just some governess from a crappy ship, without anything to recommend her but for barely passable drawing skills.” She took a step closer, backing me up against a bulkhead. Briefly I wondered if she was about to hit me, but her fists remained at her side. Instead, she chose to bruise and bloody me with more words.
“Go ahead and try to stop this marriage. Hugo and I have history. I knew him before his parents died, and I know him now. Can you say the same?”
I couldn’t. And I didn’t know if I could compete with Bianca, but I surely knew I wanted to get out of this conversation, so I did my best to disarm her.
“Bianca, I don’t know what impression you have of me, but I have no designs on Hugo, and I wish you no ill will. Besides which, I’m leaving tomorrow, so you won’t have to worry about me.”
“Are you coming back?”
“Yes,” I answered, remembering my promise to Hugo.
“Then you’re still my problem.”
There was no arguing with her, so I used my shorter stature to my advantage, simply ducking under her arm, calling “Good night, Bianca” behind me as I ran away.
Chapter Nineteen
On my last day aboard the Rochester for the foreseeable future, I avoided Hugo like it was my job, worried he would force me to “collect” on my winnings from last night, specifically the decision regarding his marriage. I’d slept unsoundly, tossing against my safety strap, too caught up in questions of what kind of person I wanted to be. My brain buzzed with doubt, worst-case scenarios, and future forecasting, which filtered into my dreams once I finally succumbed to exhaustion. I barely remembered my dreams once I woke, but the feelings remained. Guilt and dread, dread and guilt. I could make the choice selfishly, tell Hugo not to marry Bianca, so nothing would change for the Rochester. Go back to evening reading sessions with my captain, my biggest concern being who had attacked Mr. Mason. In fact, it might even be someone from the Ingram party. Another reason in favor of the selfish choice.
Or I could save the Ingram, affecting the lives of dozens, sacrificing my own comfort. Ignoring the fact that I didn’t think Hugo wanted to marry Bianca at all, that he was relying on me to save him. Save him or save everybody. Mine was a heavy burden.
Talking to the girls the next morning didn’t help. They confirmed there were no backup options for the Ingram—?Bianca had turned them all away, and, given the state of their water-recycling and air systems, they estimated the Ingram had maybe two or three months left of sustainable life. It was worth far more as spare parts for the Rochester. Marrying Hugo and joining with the Rochester was truly their last resort.
I went about my normal day’s routine, then prepped Orion on how to follow my lesson plans while I was away, said goodbye to Xiao and Jessa after dinner, and then camped out in my quarters until the last possible moment, avoiding the drawing room and indeed the entire second deck just so I wouldn’t run into Hugo. The shuttle would arrive late in the night, really closer to the following morning, and I intended on staying up. To pass the time, I read, something newer this time—?an Earth survival fantasy written by Jupiter Morrow, one of the fleet’s most popular authors, Orion’s favorite book and his parting gift to me.
Indeed, despite the morbid conditions precipitating my travel, I was more than a bit excited to return to Earth orbit and to the rest of the fleet. For the first time since I was a kid, I would be back on the fleet not only with means, but with tech. I could get the fleet news delivered right to my tab—?we got it on the Rochester on a delay, and on the Stalwart only the highlights delivered via message scroll in the mess hall—?and with the advance on my salary, I’d be free to purchase my own clothes, accessories, gifts. My plan was to buy some tea and candy on board the Empire and send it over to George and my students as a “Hello, I’m still alive and thinking of you!” message.
Close to midnight, after Preity and Lizzy had trickled in—?apparently the Ingram party had insisted on an early night—?and we had said our goodbyes, I went to the transport bay to wait. Sergei was already here, it seemed, but a note tacked to the loading door told me he was taking a few hours’ respite and rest. Just like last time, I fashioned my bag into a makeshift seat, reminding myself to purchase a newer, nicer case during my trip. There was no way I’d be able to fit any gifts I’d purchase to bring back in this one along with my current loads, comprising just my three favorite dresses and both my tabs. But after an hour of sitting in the sad, gray metal box and realizing I could be looking at another two to three hours before we took off, I reconsidered my plan to wait blindly. I left my bag and crept quietly past the drawing room and Hugo’s study to my favorite view. The bridge was silent and dark, and a much better place to wait, seeing as I could camp out in the captain’s chair and would be alerted by the tab screens when Sergei returned to the transport bay. Only the captain’s chair was occupied. By the captain.
“What are you doing here at this hour?” I jumped back, my heart taking off into a gallop. He started at the sound of my voice, broken out of what appeared to be a contemplative stupor.