Blazed(20)

"Half an hour?"

"Hmm." He nodded and reached around me to pour a large mug of coffee from a steaming hot jug he'd already made. I usually used instant, and was amazed to see that I even owned a coffee grinder. I definitely didn't have the beans... "I thought you'd sleep longer. I was going to sneak a shower and make myself look pretty before you woke up. I brought a change of clothes."

"Quite good at taking liberties, aren't you? Making up for lost time?" The playful atmosphere dissolved with the reminder that we'd been apart for what seemed so long but was really no time at all. We were becoming too emotionally involved in our tryst. I didn't want to pry into his absence but I had to. "Has your uh... 'caree' been ill?"

"Nothing else could have kept me from you, Emmeline." The mood lifted with the tenderness of his tone. "This would be another good case for you giving me your number. I couldn't leave her but I wanted to talk to you, let you know that I was thinking about you."

"Phone sex isn't my thing." I muttered into my coffee and smirked. "It would be too easy for you to just send me a picture of your cock and spare the words."

"You know," Blaze took the mug from my hand and lifted me up onto the breakfast bar next to the tablet, which quietly piped out Panic! At The Disco, one of my favourite bands, "you're much more amenable when you're freshly f*cked. I do think of you beyond your erogenous zones, and the only time I get a sense of you feeling the same is when you're lulled into a post-coital stupor." He sounded affronted, even if his face didn't show it. "I get it, I do. You don't want to let your guard down for something hopeless, but please don't wound me by pretending you're bulletproof. You've got me by the balls here." His honesty still shocked me sometimes. I'd overheard enough conversations by scorned women to be led to believe that men sugar-coated their feelings or kept them completely locked away. A great source of frustration to womankind, I thought. I appeared to have the entirely too forthcoming exception to the rule standing in my flat.

"I can has guilt trip?"

He mirrored my pout. "I don't want to make you feel bad, I just don't want to throw myself into something imbalanced. I don't know that I'm not chasing a mirage if you keep hiding behind innuendo and bravado. Sometimes it's just not practical to bend you over and prod the truth out of you."

I still felt guilty. I'd been trying to run from my feelings for so long that I just didn't know how to express them anymore, and I certainly didn't want to muddy the waters with them. What we had was so simple, or at least it had been at first. We were both in way over our heads now, dangerously close to the point of no return, and maybe I did have to seriously consider playing my part in these far too frequent discussions about 'us'. There was an 'us', I couldn't deny it. I just still didn't know how to deal with the fact someone had pushed their way into and warped the Hunter shaped hole in my heart. Some parts had bowed, forced to move around Blaze, but there were still some gaps around the edges that made the fit imperfect. I didn't know that the round peg in a square hole would ever be a good substitute for what I'd spent nine years wanting, but if a miracle happened and Hunter returned from Japan with his arms spread wide for me, I didn't think he'd be enough either anymore. I was in limbo and, paradoxically, the only way I could live through it was to shield my emotions with a subject change.

"Is 'she' still ill?" I rolled my eyes and swung my feet impatiently side to side. I hated that he'd given her a gender so the irrational part of me had ammunition to be childish and possessive. He's spending all week with another woman...

Blaze stooped to look up into my downcast eyes and grinned, seeing my rogue thoughts the way only he could. Somehow, he looked almost happy to see my naughty little green eyed monster. "Why, Miss White, are you jealous that there's another woman in my life?" It was typical that the one man in the world who didn't freak out over a possessive woman would be the man I didn't truly possess.

"No..." I knew that mine was the only world Blaze was rocking, but I couldn't say the same. I had no right to be jealous, and was determined to pretend that I wasn't for the sake of not being a hypocrite. "Is she okay without you?"

He nodded and pushed away from me, making a beeline to the coffee table for my glasses. "I usually have back-up at the weekends. Last week was an annoying exception."

I followed, hot on his heels. I couldn't stay away from him too long— always had to be close enough to touch him. He was addictive and so potent it scared me. "So Saturday is Emmyday?"

"You want a whole day, cupcake?" A whole day? A light at the end of the week and an excuse to wheedle out of work early? The best part of a weekend to enjoy the hell out of him? A guarantee that he'd be there on the Double Booked threshold ready to make me centre of his universe, even if just for an evening?

"... Yes, please. Weekly."

I didn't know how he'd take the request, but was relieved when he smiled and sank down on the couch, patting the seat next to him for me to join him. "And what would we do with said days?"

"Depends how long it takes you to recharge..." He tried on my glasses and recoiled back immediately, blinking like a light had been shone in his eyes. It was a reaction I was used to seeing, but somehow it warmed my heart when it came from him. He made every expression look gorgeous, doubly so when so devoid of clothing.

"So you're like, blind." Blaze slid the glasses onto my face and the hangover type pounding in my head began to subside. Far from blind, I often forgot how much I needed them when I could still see capably without them. Okay, I couldn't see the details of faces or read, but I wasn't exactly walking into furniture. "You don't wear them when you're at Esme's."

"I don't want them to get broken."

"Buy new ones?"

I sighed, head dropping back. "Truly spoken like a man with perfect vision. For something so necessary, they're really quite expensive. My lenses are complex, so they take days to be ordered in, and glasses are like work boots. It's not as simple as putting on the first pair you find. They might not suit and they're not comfortable right away. You have to wear them in because they'll be too tight, too loose, some lenses put the ground at a funny angle—"

"Okay, okay!"

My point made, I twisted around onto my knees and combed my fingers into his messy hair. "I don't get to see you clearly so often. It's an education."

"Oh really, how do I look?" He donned his full-voltage male model face and posed.

"You look..." Even covered in scratches, he took my breath away. He wore sex hair well— it darkened when it was grimy and brightened those startling green irises that saw right through all my brave fronts. The small scar on his Cupid's bow had become less of a flaw and more of an invitation, a mark to kiss, lip and suck on. It drove him wild when I targeted it. "... Edible. Did you come here today to offer yourself as my meal?"

"Hmm, no... I came to see if you could help me with this here quandary I have. I don't suppose you know any dysfunctional, hot, brunette bookshop assistants with a brand new wardrobe who'd like to get into Monday's Miracle's secret gig tonight?"

I leaned back, eyes narrowed. "Don't toy with my emotions, Blaze. I'm a fragile woman." It was mean of him to taunt me with such things. Esme and I had been keeping our ears to the ground for weeks, waiting for hints at locations and who she could charm into finding us tickets. Blaze had watched us, denying any connection to the event despite being an ex-member of the band. Dirty little liar.

"It's at The Roses." It figured that it would be at one of Henry's clubs, though luckily one he didn't frequent. "Super small, super exclusive. Up close and personal with the band. What do you say?" Like he had to ask.

"If it's a super gig..."

"No capes." I grinned, pleased to have him on my wavelength. The excitement made me squirm, thoughts of breaking my usual cycle of drinking at Esme's to do something so outlandish dizzied me with childlike anticipation. Just me and Blaze, dancing and screaming along to heavy rock, right up in the action with the promise of schmoozing with some rockstars. It was a point of my life I'd remember forever, looking back at the photographs when I felt low and lonely without him. Something so special...

"... Is this a date?"

He blinked slowly and exhaled on a hum, giving no answer in his expression. "How would you ever know if you've never been on one? Call it an awakening. I've seen a lot of your life in the past couple of weeks, Emmeline. Now I want you to see what my world is like, beyond the day job, auditions and boring go-sees." Auditions and go-sees. Jesus, I was really sleeping with a male model, actor and musician. If only I could see the faces of the girls who'd bullied me in school now when they opened their magazines to see me staring up at them, standing next to easily the most wanted man in London. Funny, how I didn't see myself deserving of anyone's envy until it involved a man. I'd nearly always been rich and part of a notorious family, but that didn't seem like a matter to be boasted in my mind. Being Blaze's, even if I wasn't really his at all, made me feel important. Special. Like the only person in the world.