Black Buck(72)

If you’re wondering, I made a hundred K off the deal with Barry. And even though we missed our number for September, having his endorsement brought other wary prospects back to our side. The damage was done, but we forgave them once the money poured back in. And with the money, we started to hit our monthly goals for real this time, which put Rhett back in good standing with Lucien, who not only conveniently forgot about ever having wanted to fire him but also used his connections to stop the FBI investigation. So between the salary bump from raising Sumwun from the dead, the hundred K from closing Barry, and the two hundred K I made from the pork-free pork startup that turned a quick profit for Barry’s firm, I became wealthy overnight. It was weird as hell, but you could say I got used to it.

When I stepped out the elevator, Porschia rushed through the doors and grabbed me. “They’ve been waiting for more than an hour,” she said, distressed.

“Who?”

“Those executives from London. The Tesco deal.”

“Oh,” I said, squeezing my eyes to stop them from throbbing like a subwoofer.

She pushed me through the doors toward Qur’an. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just a little tired. Can you bring me a coffee? Maybe something from Starbucks, like a Pike Place Roast.”

“Okay, I’ll be back in a few.”

Everyone in Qur’an stood to greet me. Three brown-haired white men in cheap suits were beaming, Rhett, wearing a white button-up and designers jeans, was sweating bullets, and Clyde, in his typical startup vest-khakis-and-plaid-shirt douchebag attire, mean-mugged the hell out of me.

“Hello,” I said, shaking hands with the men.

“It’s such a pleasure to meet you, Buck,” one man, whose name I don’t remember, said with a posh English accent, holding my hand longer than necessary. “I’ve only seen you on TV, but has anyone ever told you that you look like Morgan Freeman? You must charm all the ladies, eh?”

“Something like that,” I said, getting a strong cuckold vibe from him. I unbuttoned my jacket and grabbed a manila folder off the table.

“So,” Rhett started. He looked from the three men to me and back to them like he was about to piss himself. “We were just talking about the pilot, Buck. And what we can do to make sure it’s extra special so the five thousand Tesco employees we’re starting off with get the most out of Sumwun.”

“Great,” I said, leaning back in my seat and closing my eyes. Within seconds, I heard myself snoring.

Rhett nudged me in the ribs. “Buck.”

“Huh, yeah?” I said, startled.

Rhett, Clyde, and the three men stared at me in suspense.

“So,” I started, clearing my throat and smoothing out my jacket. “What were you all thinking?”

“Well,” the closeted cuckold said. “We’re thinking of creating some posters to rouse the troops, right? And maybe a short video from you, someone they’ve read about in the newspapers, would help make sure they took advantage of Sumwun. If we can get—”

“I don’t get it,” I said, taking my steaming cup of coffee from Porschia and setting it on the table.

The cuckold tilted his head, narrowing his eyes. “Apologies, but what don’t you get?”

“Why a video from me will make your employees more likely to use the service. People use it because it’s going to help them, not because someone they don’t even know tells them to.”

“Right,” he said, twisting his freckled hands. “But every bit helps.”

I shook my head and straightened up, staring the cuckold directly in his eyes, piercing his feeble little soul. “Not in this case. You don’t want your employees to rely on me to get, I don’t know how you say it across the pond, excited—”

“Chuffed works,” one of the other Three Stooges chimed in.

I winked at him. “Thanks. You don’t want your employees to rely on me to get chuffed about using Sumwun. That’s lazy and, frankly, not my job.”

“Well,” the cuckold said, getting red, looking to Rhett and Clyde for assistance. “We just think it’ll help get them behind the deal. A million dollars isn’t a light investment for us.”

“Bollocks,” I said, smirking at him. “You’re one of the world’s biggest grocery chains and brought in over two-point-five billion in profit last year alone. In pounds. So don’t tell me a million greenbacks is going to put you and your friends in”—I turned to the stooge who’d helped me before—“what do you call public housing over there?”

“Council estates,” he said, smiling at the attention I was giving him.

“Yeah,” I continued. “So don’t tell me a million dollars is going to put you and your friends in council estates. Do we have a deal or not?”

After Clyde walked them out, he stormed into Qur’an and slammed the heavy wooden door shut.

“What the fuck was that?” He got so close that pieces of foamy spit landed on my nose.

“Jesus,” I said, plopping down in my seat, rubbing my eyes. “Ever hear the phrase, ‘Say it, don’t spray it,’ Clyde?”

He swung around the table and grabbed Rhett’s shoulder. “Rhett, enough of this shit. This guy has been acting like he owns the place ever since he closed that lucky deal with that maniac and—”