Black Buck by Mateo Askaripour
To all of those who have ever been made to feel less than
I see you
The most unprofitable item
ever manufactured is an excuse.
—JOHN MASON
Author’s Note
There’s nothing like a Black man on a mission. No, let me revise that. There’s nothing like a Black salesman on a mission. He’s Superman, Spiderman, Batman, and any other supernatural, paranormal, or otherwise godlike combination of blood, flesh, and brains. He can’t die. Don’t believe me? MLK. Yes, Martin Luther King Jr. was a Black salesman. In the same way used-car salesmen hawk overpriced hunks of metal that break down once an unsuspecting customer drives off the lot, our man ML to the goddamn K was a salesman to the highest degree.
Not only did he sell Black people on the vision of a unified America, but he also sold the United States Supreme Court, which at the time contained nine white men—the hardest decision makers for any Black man to convince.
MLK, Malcolm X, James Baldwin, Jean-Michel Basquiat, and Frederick Douglass were all salesmen. Hell, Nina Simone, Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, and every other Black woman who achieved any leap of success was a saleswoman. Oprah “hide a BMW under your seat” Winfrey is a saleswoman. You get the point. Each and every one of these people was selling something more precious than gold: a vision. A vision for what the world could look like if millions of people were to change their minds—the hardest thing to change.
How do I fit into all of this? When will I shut up and get to the point? Don’t worry, I’m getting there. I am a Black man on a mission. No, I am a Black salesman on a mission. And the point of this book—which I’m writing from my penthouse overlooking Central Park—is to help other Black men and women on a mission to sell their visions all the way to the top. So high up that I’ll have to crane my neck, like one of those goofy white people in films deciding whether a superhero is a bird or a plane, just to catch a glimpse of them before they’re out of sight. Whoosh! Bang! Poof! The great disappearing act of success.
My goal is to teach you how to sell. And if I’m half the salesman every newspaper, blog, and hustler in New York City says I am, then you are in luck. With my story, I will give you the tools to go out and create the life you want. To overcome every seemingly impossible obstacle. To fix the game. Which game, you ask? We’ll get there. But before we do, I’m going to ask you to do three things.
Let down your guard and open your mind to what I’m going to tell you. I know we’re strangers right now. You’re likely asking yourself why you should trust me. The good thing is that you already bought this book, so you trusted me enough to part with $26. I won’t let you down.
Understand that I want all people to be successful, but in the same way that Starbucks can’t just give out Mocha Frappuccinos to anyone who doesn’t have $14, I can’t help everyone. So, I am starting with Black people. If you’re not Black but have this book in your hands, I want you to think of yourself as an honorary Black person. Go on, do it. Don’t go don blackface and an afro, but picture yourself as Black. And if you want, you can even give yourself a fancy Black name, like Jamal, Imani, or Asia.
Say, “Every day is deals day,” and clap your hands. I know it’s strange, but do it. And when you do, think of the number one thing you’re working toward. It may be a new car, a promotion, someone’s affection, or an expensive pair of shoes. Whatever it is, think of it and say, “Every day is deals day,” and clap your hands as loud as you can. As you’ll find out, every day is deals day. A day without deals is like a camel without humps; it doesn’t exist.
At this point, your heart’s beating and there’s a twinkle in your eye. I know because I’ve given this speech before. I’ve given it to myself. I’ve given it to thousands of people wanting to change their lives. And I’ve given it to people who didn’t know they wanted a change but needed it. A long time ago I was one of these people. I was like you. Ambitious but afraid. Intelligent but impotent. Curious but cowardly. I was all of this and more.
But freedom, true freedom, the kind where you do what you want without fear, comes at a cost. It’s like my urban-corner-philosopher-cum-fairy-god-uncle Wally Cat used to say, “You can change the hands of a clock, but you can’t change time.” I can give you the tools to change, but only you can change yourself.
And if I am successful in teaching you how to sell and fix the game, I ask that you buy another copy of my book and give it to the friend who needs it most. Who is stuck like I was and in need of a way out. Who is blind to the game but has potential, just like you. Does that sound fair? If so, and if you can do the three things I outlined above, then we have a deal. And if we have a deal, it’s time for you to do one last thing.
Turn the page.
Happy selling,
Buck
I.
Prospecting
In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.
—ALBERT EINSTEIN
1
The day that changed my life was like every other day before it, except that it changed my life. I suppose that makes it as important as a birthday, wedding, or bankruptcy, which is why I celebrate the twentieth of May every year like it’s my birthday. Why the hell not?