Beyond a Darkened Shore(73)

“Where are you going?” Leif asked as he watched me move toward the stall door.

Sensing my presence, Sleipnir’s head appeared atop his own stall door. He nickered to me softly in greeting. “For a ride,” I said.

After freeing Sleipnir from his stall, I pulled myself astride. I needed time away from Leif. Time to prepare myself for a voyage far from anything I’d ever known.

Time to lock my emotions away in a box where they belonged, lest they drag me under.

Sleipnir and I wandered throughout the city in shadow and darkness, our way lit only by moonlight. My mind tortured me with images of Leif dead in many different ways: torn apart by giants, felled by a sword, beheaded by the Valkyries. I felt sick and alone, and I hated myself for running away like that, but I couldn’t stay. My body still burned for him. I couldn’t just lie back down beside him as though nothing had happened, as if I hadn’t just learned we might succeed in our quest only to lose him.

For a while, I considered seeking out Sigrid to see if she would divine the same terrible fate for Leif. In the end, I decided to let her have her rest. I’d be on a ship with her soon, after all. I would train with her and grow stronger, and maybe that would be power enough to save him.

You don’t know that he can be saved, my mind reminded me painfully, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

That didn’t mean I planned to stand by and watch it happen.

After a time, the smells and sounds of the nearby sea called to me, and I guided Sleipnir toward the quay. The sound of waves lapping at five Northman ships greeted us, Sleipnir’s hooves falling on the wooden planks adding their own music. The dragonhead prows, illuminated in the soft light of the moon, gave the appearance of great slumbering sea monsters risen from the deep.

I pushed my thoughts of Leif aside and focused on the journey ahead.

With so many ships out of port, Dubhlinn would be left vulnerable. We would need the lion’s share of men to come with us north, but some trusted men would need to stay behind to guard the city. Unfortunately, the only men I trusted aside from Leif were dead.

As I approached the ships, I expected feasting and raucous drinking from Leif’s men, but instead, all was quiet. I watched the wind toy with the ropes securing the currently deflated square sails. In the morning I would be aboard, nothing between me and the weather but the clothes on my back. I’d be on the largest ship, Leif’s own, with his brother and men. It would be uncomfortable, crowded, cold, and have a total lack of privacy. Even so, there was no turning back now.

A figure came toward us from Leif’s ship, interrupting my thoughts and pricking Sleipnir’s ears forward. As he drew closer, I recognized Arin.

“You couldn’t sleep either?” he asked, his face pale and his eyes excited.

“No,” I said. Looking at Arin’s earnest face, I realized he would know the men as well as Leif. “Arin, are there any men among you whom you trust?”

He looked momentarily taken aback, but pleased I had asked him such an important question. “Some of the best went with you and Leif to battle the j?tnar,” he said, “but there are still many others who are trustworthy.”

“I’m in need of men who’ll remain here and hold Dubhlinn until I return.”

“Leif always said Erik and Oleif have the minds of chieftains,” Arin said. “They acted quickly in the attack against us while you were gone, and they commanded us well.”

I nodded thoughtfully. Erik and Oleif had also been quick to carry out Leif’s orders. They were both capable men, and I’d liked how Oleif had enforced respect of me from the captives. But they couldn’t hold the city on their own. Ideally, we would leave behind a small battalion, but I wasn’t sure how many Leif could spare. It would be best if one of Sigtrygg’s captured men remained behind to give the Northmen guidance. Mentally, I sorted through the men I’d interrogated.

“Have you had contact with the remainder of Sigtrygg’s men?” I asked Arin.

“Some. They wanted to sleep in their own beds this night, but we didn’t trust them enough.” He pointed to one of the longships in the middle. “Most are there.”

“So there are none you trust? What of the first captive we interrogated? He seemed honest enough.”

Arin swallowed visibly. “He hasn’t been a problem. I wouldn’t trust him with my life yet, but he seems battle-hardened.”

“I would speak with him, then,” I said, dismounting from Sleipnir smoothly.

Arin watched Sleipnir with a wary look. “I can get him for you,” he said.

“Not necessary,” I said, already walking toward the ship. My boots thudded dully on the wooden quay and were soon joined by Arin’s.

Arin shot me a sheepish smile, as though he didn’t want to be left alone. “I’ll come with you.”

Together we approached the longship, and even in the dark I could see it was beautifully built, sleek and streamlined. It creaked gently as the waves rocked it. Inside, I could make out the dark forms of slumbering men, but there was one who leaned against the mast, already alert to our approach.

I recognized his tall, wiry form as the man I was looking for. “I’m glad you’re awake,” I called out to him softly.

He straightened and made his way toward us, stepping over legs and torsos. “My queen?” he asked as soon as he had stepped off the ship.