Beyond a Darkened Shore(72)

I tossed and turned, unable to find a position comfortable enough to rest. I missed Leif’s strong arms around me, the smell and feel of his soft fur mantle, the clear night sky above us. Without the excuse of acute grief and the lonely, cold nights on the run to push us into each other’s arms, we’d gone back to sleeping separately. But now I wondered why I thought it was necessary to maintain modesty—who was watching? Who would even care? Angry with myself now, I squeezed my eyelids shut . . . only to open them again at the sound of a boot rustling the straw of the stall.

Leif stood over me, his expression hopeful and sheepish both. He held his leather chest piece over his shoulder. My eyes swept over his muscular form, clearly revealed by his light linen tunic and leather leggings. “I couldn’t sleep,” he said, and lay down beside me as if he belonged there.

Pleasure bloomed within me at the thought that he had felt the same as I. I rolled to my side and met his heated stare. “I couldn’t either,” I admitted. “I’m nervous about this trip north.” He was quiet, so I kept talking. “I’ve never been anywhere but éirinn, and I’ve never been on a ship—not even a fishing boat.” I rubbed my arm, feeling strangely vulnerable revealing such comparatively inconsequential fears. We’d faced far greater dangers. It felt silly to admit I was afraid of a wooden boat on the water.

He shifted so he was facing me. “I don’t want you to worry. The journey north is an easy one this time of year, and I’ve sailed it many times. But at the same time, I understand that sadness and fear of leaving your own land. I know how difficult this is for you, but I’m so happy you’re coming with me—that I can share the beauty of sailing in open water with you.”

His words made the tension in my muscles melt away. I trusted him, and if he said it would be okay, then it would be. “I’d like to share that with you, too.”

He touched my cheek, his thumb just barely brushing my lips. “I don’t know if I can hold to our agreement tonight, Princess. I want to kiss you. I want to do much more than that, but I wouldn’t want to tempt fate.”

Desire rose so quickly within me it became an aching need. Before I’d even formed a rational thought in my head, I leaned over him and pressed my lips to his. He pulled me closer until our chests were flush against each other. Our lips parted hungrily, his tongue meeting mine, setting my whole body aflame. My hands slipped beneath his tunic, and it wasn’t long before he sat up and pulled it over his head. His armor had hidden several tattoos. A skeletal dragon curled around his shoulder blade; both biceps were covered with beautifully intricate knotwork patterns; and across his back was a massive war hammer, encircled by chains and runes.

I drank in the sight of them, tracing each one with my fingertip. “These are so beautiful,” I said.

“I will tattoo every inch of my body if you’ll keep touching them like that.”

I smiled. “No scars to mar them. You’ve been victorious in battle—at least, until you met me.”

A growled laugh escaped him, and he pulled me down beneath him.

Our tongues met again as his hands swept over my body, leaving trails of fire everywhere he touched. He kissed me until we both panted for breath, until I could think of nothing but the steely hardness of his muscles, the fullness of his lips. My nails raked his back as he kissed the side of my neck. My feverish desire seemed to spread to Leif, until there was a desperation to our touches.

Suddenly, he pulled back, a pained look on his face. “What is it?” I asked, and the distance between us and cool night air seemed to bring me back to my senses.

“There’s something you should know,” Leif said, his mouth drawn in a grim line. “You asked me once what it was I traded to the Valkyrie for my power.”

My stomach twisted inside me. How could I have forgotten? Whatever it was, it wasn’t good, and I wanted to reach out with my hand and silence him before he could continue.

“I traded my life.”

I froze. I needed to know what he meant, but at the same time, I dreaded his answer. “What do you mean?”

I watched Leif swallow hard. He didn’t want to tell me. “The Valkyrie gave me the many abilities I would need to defeat Fenris and the other j?tnar, but after I succeed, they will sacrifice me and take my soul to Valhalla.”

The roar of blood in my ears sounded like a river. “Why would you do such a thing?” I whispered finally, my mouth bone dry.

“I had to, and I would do it again. I care for you, Ciara—it’s why I told you the truth about this before we went any further—but there is nothing I wouldn’t do for revenge on the j?tnar who took my sister from me.”

It was then that I realized two things: I cared for him, too—far too much. And I couldn’t watch him die.

A sob caught in my throat. Why bargain with his life? But even as I thought it, I knew I’d do the same.

“You should have told me before,” I said. Before you kissed me like that. Before I realized how much I—

I stood, suddenly desperate for escape. I couldn’t allow myself to think about this—not now. It had sneaked over me slowly, this caring . . . this depth of feeling for Leif. It was bad enough carrying such a burden when we were merely former enemies. It was something else entirely to know I felt this way about him and that he would be sacrificed at the end of our quest.