Beyond Control(53)

Doc arched an eyebrow. "Lex sent me a message."

The chill turned to ice. "Saying?"

"She asked me what the process would be for removing her tattoos."

"What?"

"Her cuffs." The man said it like he was talking about the weather. About nothing. "And something about a new one. A name."

The name hurt like a knife in the gut, but even that had nothing on the cuffs. Lex was O'Kane. She'd helped shape what they had become, had helped touch the life of every person wearing O'Kane marks. "You're f*cking kidding me."

Doc snorted. "I told her I wouldn't touch the ink unless you said so, but a wise man would make sure she didn't ask me again. I don't know if I'll say no next time."

If it had been anyone else, Dallas would have snarled. He still wanted to, but threats and intimidation were wasted on Dylan Jordan. No matter how many women threw themselves at him, desperate to save him, the man was as self-destructive an * as Dallas had ever met. Sometimes he thought Doc pitted himself against dangerous men in the hopes that one would eventually put him out of his enduring misery.

Dallas didn't plan on it. The man was too damn useful to kill. Of course, telling Lex he wouldn't remove the ink without Dallas's permission was damn near suicidal on its own. "You must not have told her no in person, because I don't see any stab wounds."

For a long moment, all the man did was stare at him. "You're pretty goddamn despicable, aren't you?"

"I run a gang of bootleggers," he replied, fighting to keep his temper and his panic on a tight leash. Pretty damn difficult when he could feel his perfect f*cking life crumbling beneath him. "I am what I am."

"Yeah? Well, what you are is an ass." Doc rose, shaking his head. "Lex didn't try to cut me when I told her. She just cried."

A knife in the gut? A pinprick compared to how those three words felt. She just cried. Lex, indomitable, unbreakable Lex. He'd coaxed her into trust, shoved and pushed until she let down all those cold, hard walls--

And then he'd hurt her.

Christ.

"Uh-huh." The man dragged a tin from his pocket and popped a small white tablet into his mouth. "Fix it, would you? I don't like it when you kids fight."

Kids, as if Jordan was some kind of f*cking sage elder instead of three or four years older than him. Dallas didn't know whether to laugh or strangle the motherf*cker. "Gee, Doc, I was having a great f*cking time, but if you insist."

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you nearly as well as you think, O'Kane."

"I save my heartfelt confessions for the people wearing my ink." He said it without thinking and damn near winced. Nobody wearing ink wanted to hear his heartfelt confessions. They didn't even want to look at him. He'd always stood slightly apart, but this feeling of standing alone was new. And miserable.

And if Lex was crying, he deserved it.



History f*cking loved to repeat itself.

This time, it was Lex shoving her belongings into a bag as Noelle looked on, horrified and outraged. "You don't have to do this, Lex. It isn't fair. It isn't right."

At least she wasn't trying to talk her off the ledge. "Damn right it isn't fair. But it is what it is."

"Bullshit." Crossing the room, Noelle grabbed Lex's arm and held it up, forced her to stare at the ink Doc had refused to remove. "That is a promise. You're the one who taught me that. It's a promise, and being in Dallas's bed has nothing to do with it. This is your home and we're your family."

A truth that had changed the moment she'd accepted his claim. Lex closed her eyes. "Now you know why his women were always outsiders. It's easier for them to leave eventually."

"Because he drives them away?" Noelle's hands framed Lex's face. "Don't let him. He doesn't get to do that, not to you and not to us. If you don't want to stay in your room, come stay with us."

"This is me, all me," she countered. "Dallas isn't making me go. He doesn't even want me to. But I have to."

"Oh, Lex. No." Noelle released her only to curl an arm around her waist, tugging her toward the couch. "Come on and sit with me for a few minutes. Tell me why you think this is your fault."

"Not fault, not like that." She sank to the cushions and leaned her head against Noelle's shoulder. Support had been hard to come by the last couple of days, mostly because Lex had to hold back from accepting it. It only reminded her of all she'd be leaving behind. "There are just so many things, so many reasons it would be easier to stay. And I can't."

"You should be able to," Noelle whispered. "What Dallas did to you was wrong. You say he's not driving you away, but he is."

It was hard to know for certain when Dallas seemed so oblivious to the real problem, and so sure of himself that she couldn't help but second-guess herself. Noelle had reacted with gratifying outrage, but even that couldn't erase the doubt.

It drove her to grip Noelle's hand. "You understand, don't you? Dallas has no idea what he did, and it's making me wonder if I'm just crazy."

"He put his ambition before you," Noelle said immediately. She traced one of the ink marks swirling across her own shoulder before reaching out to touch Lex's throat. "He asked you to give up all your defenses, and then he didn't protect you. It's wrong. Jasper tried to send me to Eden, but he was cutting out his own heart because he thought it'd keep me safe. Even if he didn't do it, Dallas was considering cutting out yours, just to get more of something he has too much of already."

Lex's throat went tight. It was everything she'd been too wounded and twisted up to say, every reason she'd been betrayed not only by Dallas's actions, but by his confusion. Hearing it all laid bare hurt, so much she couldn't breathe.

She finally managed to drag in a breath that sounded more like a sob. "Jasper was thinking of you. He screwed up, but he did it for you."

Noelle dragged her closer, wrapped her in her arms and her love and made soothing, sympathetic noises. "I know, Lex. I know."

"Dallas doesn't get it. He has no idea what he did wrong."

Noelle rested her cheek on top of Lex's head with a sigh. "Maybe he does, and he can't admit it. He tried to offer you something he values--power. But Dallas is an intuitive man. A smart man. I think he knows you better than that."

He did, of course. He'd kept Cerys's visit from her and skated around the issue long enough for Lex to realize he knew she wouldn't be happy about any of it. "He wants it all. Sector Two and me."

"Then he's not only greedy, he's stupid." Noelle's voice held no room for argument. "But that doesn't mean he gets to take everything you've built and all the people you love away from you."

Her home, her family. "I should have known it would go down like this. Dallas and I have never been easy."

"Maybe this'll teach him." Noelle cupped Lex's cheek and tilted her head up. "I've never been sure if I think he deserves you. But it's not about me. What do you want?"

The impossible question, because the answer made her sound weak. "I love this place. I've been here so long--Jesus, I helped build it. I want to stay here, Noelle. I've never wanted anything more." A lie, but just a little one.

She wanted Dallas the most.

And Noelle knew it. The other woman had grown in more than one way in the time she'd been free of Eden. She pressed her forehead to Lex's and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Are you afraid to stay because you're afraid you'll go back to him, no matter what?"

Lex had to stop f*cking crying. "I know I will. It's not even a question. What kind of idiot does that make me?"

"The kind who's in love." Noelle's lips feathered over Lex's cheeks, kissing away the tears. "But you've got people who care about you. I won't let you go back. Hell, every woman wearing cuffs will line up and take turns sitting on you. You're ours."

She couldn't make that promise, not with Dallas's words still shivering through her. Somehow, I'll f*cking well show you. I'm not letting you go. "I can't leave right away--it's been a few years since I kept up anyplace else to go. But I was wondering if I could take your old room for now."

"You should stay with us," Noelle protested immediately. "With me'n Jas. You shouldn't be alone."

"I need to be, at least for a while."

"Okay." Pulling back, Noelle swiped tears from Lex's cheeks with her thumbs. "My room's yours. Anything you need is yours."

"Thanks, Noelle." She drew in a calming breath. "One step at a time. I'll get through this."