Betrayed(34)
He said, “I know you love me, so don’t tell me you don’t. Just confirm it. I want you to go that extra step and say it.” He unexpectedly dropped on one knee. “Don’t you realise. I need commitment, Kat. I’m asking you to marry me.”
Kat stared in shock. She was silent for what seemed an eternity, but still no words would come.
Rafael looked tortured. It made him exquisite. His dark hair curled excitedly, his strong jaw set. At that instant, Kat knew she loved every atom of his body. She loved the tousled way he looked before he awoke, the way he spoke as they fondled, loved his quick mind, the way he smiled, and the quirky way he frowned when upset.
He said, “Well?”
The room seemed to expand and contract around her. She began to shake.
He said patiently, “Do you love me?”
She tried to steady her voice but it was shaky. “It won’t work. You know it can’t. Don’t be cruel, Rafael. Please stand.” Kat pulled him to his feet. “It can only lead to pain.”
“I know nothing of the sort. I realise what you think, Kat, but I don’t understand why you think it.”
“I’ve told you,” she said miserably. “My mother, me, we’re tainted. It’s in the blood. You can’t expect anything from me. I explained.”
“Talk to your mother, Kat.” His voice was gentle. “Find out what this tainted thing is then come back and explain to me. If you make me understand, I promise I won’t pester you any longer.”
“Don’t play games, Rafael. This isn’t the time. You know how afraid I am.”
He caught her shoulders. “Kat, your mother didn’t leave you. She didn’t even leave your father.”
“Don’t talk rubbish.”
“Picture this, your father has a seedy clothes shop in Barcelona; your mother is a nurse. They marry, but you come along and finances are stretched to breaking point. He decides he wants you to have a British upbringing; your mother insists you remain in Spain. They argue about it, they argue over money, they argue over everything. Eventually he accuses her of not working when she says she is, claims she’s seeing someone else. The marriage is destined to fail. Your father drinks too much and is in debt.
One night, they’re arguing as usual; there’s a bad thunderstorm, and you’re awake and crying, but she has to leave for work. When she returns the next morning, the place is empty. She is hysterical and goes to her brother for help.
She searches and searches but never finds you. She never sees you again. Your father has loaded everything into a van and taken you to England, and left the debts for your mother to repay. How do you think she feels, Kat? Do you think she feels tainted?”
“Her brother?” Kat said incredulously. “I have an uncle?”
“Uncle, aunt, cousins. You have a grandmother alive, too.”
“A grandmother?” Kat abruptly burst into tears. “I didn’t realise.”
“She didn’t have an affair, Kat. Your mother was never unfaithful; it was all in your dad’s liquor-filled mind. You have to face it, Kat. Your father has a problem, not you, not your mother. There is no hereditary trick making you unfaithful.”
Kat squeezed her eyes shut. She’d known forever that her father was a paradox.
Rafael glanced toward the door then back to her. “You don’t have a problem, Kat. You’re free to express your feelings whatever way you wish. Your feelings are yours, not badly strung genetics handed down from one generation to the next.”
“But there are urges inside me, intense urges. Nothing you say explains those away.”
A woman said softly, “Does that have to be explained, Katrina? A lot of things need to be explained, but surely not that?”
Kat whipped around. A tall slim woman stood in the doorway, an elegant woman with hair similar to her own… A distantly remembered face… sounds… smells… Memories flooding back…
Kat thought her heart would stop. She gulped for air and took a hesitant step forward. “Mum?” Suddenly she flung herself into her mother’s open arms then they were hugging and crying together.
All her life she wished for this moment. She always thought she’d be ready for it, but now the moment was here, she wasn’t. She couldn’t think of a thing to say. As a child she’d prayed, she’d wished, she’d fantasized but nothing happened. In the end, Rafael brought it about.
Adorable Rafael, how she loved him; the thought of being married to him, made her feel extraordinarily calm. The future started to look bright, very bright, indeed. Over her mother’s shoulder she caught his eye and mouthed a silent, “I love you…”
The End