Bet on It (51)

It never failed to shock her how easily she could flip-flop between the different parts of her personality with Walker. One moment, she was unsure and anxious, tripping over her words. The next, she was full of confidence, completely at ease and sure that he desired her, that she was desirable. Both feelings were intense, but she could never really predict which one was going to show when.

“I’m absolutely comfortable with that,” Walker rushed out. “I can be there in about twenty minutes. Are you sure you don’t need anything? I can stop and get a pizza on my way over.”

“No, I already have some turkey wraps prepped for lunch. You can have one too if you’re hungry.”

She could almost hear his smile. “Sounds good. I’ll see you in a bit.”

Walker ended up making it in fifteen. His knock was so strong against her door, it startled her out of the show she’d been watching. She fought the urge to fall into his arms the second she opened the door. He had on a pair of black track pants and a faded gray T-shirt that looked so soft she wanted to rub her face against it.

“Hey.” He looked down at her with soft eyes.

“Come on in.” She opened the door more for him and stepped aside.

She became keenly aware that this was the first time he’d been in her apartment. Actually, this was the first time anyone aside from the maintenance staff and her landlord had been in her apartment. She watched as his eyes took in the space, becoming hypercritical of herself for not doing any extra straightening up.

Greenbelt didn’t have a ton of free open real estate. When she’d made the decision to move, she’d snapped up the first thing available. The first thing had turned out to be a studio apartment with a little alcove in a four-story apartment building built in the ’60s. Honestly, she had very little to complain about. The pipes were old and noisy and the heat and hot water couldn’t run at the same time, but everything was sturdy and functional. Plus, it was nearly the same size as her tiny DC apartment for a third of the cost. She used the alcove as her office space and storage area, creating some work and life separation. She’d turned most of the main space into a living area, complete with a comfortable love seat and television. As for her bed—well, she’d taken the doors off the only closet and shoved the top of her queen-sized bed into the space, letting the rest jut into the room.

She liked her place. But she wasn’t in love with it. If she planned on staying in Greenbelt much longer, she’d need to find somewhere with a lot more space. But it worked for the time being.

Walker made a strangled noise in the back of his throat as he eyed her bed. Aja figured it was constrained lust rearing its head. But when he turned to look at her, she saw that it was something else entirely.

“Why do you have that in there?” He pointed to the bed.

“Uhm,” her mouth gaped. “In the closet you mean? Or like … on that side of the room?”

Was he about to insult her interior decorating skills? Was she about to be the first woman in the world to invite a man over only to have him storm out because he thought her furniture didn’t flow well together? Honestly, that would be just her fucking luck.

“Yes, in the closet.”

Her relief was audible. The question of why she kept her bed halfway in the closet was easier to answer than why she’d gone with a weird-looking green duvet cover.

“Oh, well, I like sleeping in there.” She shrugged. “I know it’s weird. With my anxiety you’d think I’d be claustrophobic, but I’ve always liked small spaces. Closets, bathtubs, the inside seats on planes, stuff like that. Being closed in makes me feel safe. Obviously I couldn’t get the entire bed in there, but even just being surrounded on both sides of my head helps me be less anxious at night.”

Walker stared at her. That look, the one she still couldn’t name, stuck on his face so long she feared he’d never be able to look at her any other way again.

“When I was a kid, whenever I was scared or I felt unsafe or anxious, I’d crawl into the back of my closet until I felt better again. It made me feel secure, defended, like nothin’ could hurt me because nothin’ could get to me.”

“That’s…” Aja had no idea how to articulate the way their admissions made her feel infinitely closer to him. There she was again, seeing him and being seen by him in ways that were completely new for her. With the loss of her words, something else in her chest moved perfectly into place.

“I know,” he breathed. “I know.”

“I’m—” She shook her head. “I’m glad I met you, Walker.”

“I’m glad I met you too, Aja. So glad I’d kiss you if I could.”

God, did she want that. She immediately thought back to the kiss they’d shared against her door Friday night. How it had made her so hot and wet and aching that she’d had her fingers in her panties, rubbing her clit, before she’d even made it to her bed. But she couldn’t kiss him. Kissing him would lead to fucking him, and that would mean breaking their pact. The pact that she had thought so hard on and had every intention of sticking to—as long as she could keep her traitorous libido in check.

“How about we get those wraps instead,” she suggested, leading him towards her small kitchen. “They’re pretty simple, just deli turkey, spinach, and Colby jack in some flour tortillas. But I promise they’ll make you less horny.”