Behind the Courtesan(27)

Chapter Fourteen



Sophie had never felt as small or delicate or fragile as she did tonight. Even in her life as Sophia, she couldn’t recall a time when she’d felt likely to shatter at the first fumble. Each time she danced with Blake, he held her as though one wrong move would upset the newfound balance they’d achieved. Perhaps it was the ale talking rather than her own mind, but she almost wished he would upset the balance.

There was only a small part of her that occasionally yearned for another’s touch, for the closeness only a lover could provide, and it was howling tonight for Blake to forget manners, his position and hers, and take her in his arms.

With every mouthful of the coarse ale, Sophie remembered what it was like that morning on the cold road in the middle of nowhere.

Blake’s hands had lit a spark in her belly and if she had to delve deep, right into her inner woman, she would admit that some of the anger she’d felt before climbing into Blakiston’s carriage was that she’d liked it.

It had taken her years to accept a man’s touch without feeling as though he was going to beat her or not take no for an answer. Years more of pretending that she felt pleasure when all she was really capable of feeling was revulsion and pain. Noah had been so patient and gentle, instructing her how to use her control as a woman to ensure her safety. It was in that time that she had discovered how powerful she was as a desirable woman. There were still times she acted braver than she felt, but those times were few now. Well, they had been before she’d returned.

You could trust Blake not to hurt you.

He would never hurt her in the physical sense, of that she was sure, but Blake abhorred her. She wondered what it would take for him to forget all that and forgive her, to move on. She would like to know that he was her friend again and that her decisions were her own to make.

You are accepted here, that tiny voice in her mind whispered. Yes, but only because she had come to Blake’s aid. There was a real difference between being accepted and being wanted. She frowned. A big difference indeed.

“What are you thinking about?” Blake asked, his voice making her jump.

“Only how much fun this was tonight.” And in that admission there were no lies. To dance, to laugh, to chat with women about recipes and meals and gowns, to find the stone throwers replaced by friendly faces almost made her teary.

Blake must have truly learned to read minds when he said, “You’ve made friends tonight, Sophie.”

She shook her head. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

He didn’t comment further, only took her hand in his and placed a light kiss on the back. “Are you ready to head back?”

Sophie stared at her hand, her small pale fingers entwined with his as heat shot up her arm. All she could do was nod. She felt like a sparrow being led by a hawk, not to her demise but to safety. They said their goodbyes even though Matthew and Violet had left hours before and in a few minutes were perched on the bench seat of the cart making their way back to the inn.

“You looked as if you were having fun,” Blake said once the mare found her footing and rhythm.

“I was, I mean I did. It was nice.” Why did she have to feel nervous now? She’d been alone with him so many times, but with the ale flowing in her veins and lust warming her middle, she was in trouble.

She was saved from any further conversation right then when the heavens opened with a deafening crack of thunder and let their full fury rain down in fat, cold droplets.

The journey back usually only took about twenty minutes, but it was hard to see and soon the horse, who wasn’t really familiar with pulling a small load, slipped and slid in the mud so they had to slow their pace even more.

Sophie shivered and wrapped her arms about herself. She should have insisted they take her carriage, but there wasn’t anyone to drive it. Her own driver had left on the mail coach to await word from her as to when she wanted to return to London.

“Come closer,” Blake yelled over the onslaught, and when she didn’t respond, put his arm around her and pulled her close so she wasn’t quite sheltered from the rain but could at least share in some of his heat.

She was forced to lean against him for the rest of the slow, silent journey back. She breathed a sigh of relief (at least she thought it was relief) when the lantern light outside the barn came into view.

“I’m going to rub the horse down and put her in a pen. Can you go to the bar and get the bottle of brandy?”

“Brandy?” She shivered as he leaned away from her. He wanted more alcohol?

“I’m frozen, Sophie, the brandy will warm us.”

The last thing either of them needed was to spend a week in bed with a fever, so she nodded, but she couldn’t seem to move. Her fingers were numb and her legs had stiffened.

The warmth of the barn enveloped them as soon as they entered and Blake jumped down to close the doors. He came to her side of the carriage and put his arms out for her. “I know it’s cold, but you need to move. You need to get out of those wet clothes.”

That did it and the arrogant man knew it. The way he slowed his words and then winked made her face warm. Shuffling to the end of the seat, she held her arms out and he caught her and lowered her to the floor slowly. When she had her balance, he let her go and went to see to the horse, leaving her feeling strangely bereft. She had thought that was the moment when he would kiss her. He had her in his hands, she was pliant, willing, eager even, and then he’d turned away without so much as a blink.

“Sophie,” he called over his shoulder, “the brandy!”

She blinked once, twice, then moved. Brandy. From the bar. One foot in front of the other. Concentrate. But there was only enough room in her brain tonight for what she wanted and when could she have it. As she fumbled with the door to the kitchens and then with a flint to light a candle, her fingers shaking, her heavy gown dripping, she damned her libido to the deepest—warmest—pits of hell.

Not everyone was cut out to be a courtesan and it certainly wasn’t the occupation she would have chosen under normal circumstances, but with the right protector and the right to choose a protector, she could enjoy herself, let her guard down and be cared for. So long as she kept the terrible memories locked tight behind the wall, she could find her pleasure as Noah had shown her.

“I quite like pleasure,” she said under her breath as she reached for the brandy bottle and filled a glass.

“What are you muttering about?”

She whirled to find Blake close, oh so close, and snapped her mouth shut. Her thoughts were slow to respond and frantically she looked around for an answer. She held the glass up in her hands and tipped the contents down her throat. “Brandy. I happen to like brandy very much and be damned who knows it.” Damn her feeble, sex-deprived mind.

“Can’t stand it myself, but there’s nothing better for firing your blood and warming you from the inside out.” He refilled the glass and gulped it down, his mouth touching where hers had.

She licked her lips, tasted the brandy there and wanted... Something. Companionship? A friend? More? Her brain was too sluggish to completely comprehend anything.

“What?” he asked as he poured more from the bottle. “Do I look like a drowned rat?”

She couldn’t get her mouth to move, she couldn’t get anything to move. But then she shivered again and fat water droplets landed at her feet with an audible splash.

“Damn it, why are we standing here? I laid the fire in your room before we left.”

Her room? She wasn’t sure that was a good idea at all, but before she could protest, Blake took her hand again in one of his, the bottle and a glass in the other and towed her up the stairs. He didn’t wait on the landing, didn’t wait for her to go inside to bid her a good-night. He let go of her hand long enough to throw the door open and then pulled her through into the warmth.

He pushed her to stand in front of the fire, poured another brandy and passed the glass to her. “Drink.”

She was beyond saying no. She was beyond any thought as the glow from the fire showed where his fine shirt had become transparent in the wet, outlining every corded muscle, every dip and hollow of his chest and abdomen. She remembered the warmth of his skin as she’d checked him over for injuries after the accident. He was always so warm. She licked her lips again and lifted the glass, draining the contents in two swallows.

“Take your clothes off.”

Her gaze finally snapped from his stomach to his eyes. Had he really just said...?

“Sophie, you are going to catch your death, now take your clothes off.” He went to the armoire and took out two robes. One was the rich red she had curled up in a few times because it was so large and warm and the other was hers. A white, almost transparent flimsy material that was hardly worthy of the label robe.

“Sophie, move.”

Her actions were shaky, erratic and rough, but she soon had every button undone down the front and slowly the feeling came back to her fingers with the movement. She leaned down to take the hem in her hands, pulled, dragged the heavy material up, but then as she stood with her arms over her head, the wet bodice stuck to her body, the hem in her hands, she found herself stuck.