Be Good A New Adult Romance (RE12)(20)

He looked me dead in the eye and said, “When you had sex with me and couldn’t remember, was that the first time or were there other times you had sex with a guy and couldn’t remember being with him? Were there other times you woke up next to someone and couldn’t remember who they were?”

I gulped. There were others. Many others. Too many others. More than I was willing to admit. I nodded. “There were others. You weren’t the first.”

“And how did that make you feel? How does it make you feel now sitting here next to me admitting it?”

I tore my hand away from Brett’s. “It makes me feel like a slut. Are you happy? Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what you wanted me to admit?”

He grabbed my hand again and even though I tried to pull it away he wouldn’t release his grip on me.

“Let me go,” I demanded.

“No,” he said firmly.

“But why?”

“Sorry, Anna. You’re not getting away that easy. I want you to face what you’ve done and understand it. But I also want you to know that it doesn’t make you a bad person and it doesn’t make you unlovable.”

I felt completely and totally unlovable and I had for as long as I could remember. “Yes, it does,” I sighed.

He shook his head. “No, it doesn’t. I’m still here. I’m sitting right here by your side. And I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re not very smart for a rocket scientist.”

That got a half smile out of him. “And why do you say that?”

“You managed to pick up what could be the most flawed and damaged girl on the planet and you still want to be with her. That completely defies logic. Surely, someone with your knowledge and IQ can see that.”

“Of all the plants in the nursery at Target, you ended up with Marvin. Why is that?”

“They were getting ready to throw him away. He needed me. He needed someone to take care of him and bring him back to life.”

Brett didn’t say anything else. He just leaned over and gave me a soft kiss.

“Come on,” he said. “There are a few more things I want to show you before we head back to the hotel to get ready for the wedding.”



***



“How about if I come back to get you in an hour? Does that give you enough time to get ready?” Brett asked as we both stood outside my hotel room. I was staying on the first floor with the rest of the wedding party and Brett had a room on the third floor.

“Okay,” I agreed.

Brett gave me a kiss on the cheek but things still felt a little strained since our conversation sitting next to prairie dog exhibit. It made me wonder if Brett was regretting starting, whatever this was, with me. I couldn’t really call it a relationship. I wasn’t sure what was going on between us but I knew Brett was making me examine parts of myself that I had never examined, forcing me to deal with my shit and challenging me in ways that I had never been challenged before.

At least the bridesmaid’s dress I had to wear this time wasn’t completely hideous. It was a little sapphire cocktail dress that actually looked decent on me. If nothing else, Brett would find me physically attractive. At least I hoped he would. He didn’t exactly act like other guys. I had a lot of experience with guys and Brett didn’t act like any other guy I had ever been with. It was unnerving that I couldn’t predict Brett’s behavior the way I could with other guys. Most guys thought with their small heads; Brett always used the one attached to his neck.

Once my dress was on and hair and make-up were perfect, I had a few minutes before Brett was due to pick me up. I paced around the room trying to burn off some excess energy. I didn’t know what to expect later tonight. Since I was a member of the wedding party, I got a room reserved for me. Not that Brett had suggested we got a room together or that I share his room. That was a little disappointing. Maybe he still had doubts about me. Not that I could blame him. I could certainly understand him wanting his own space just in case.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. I breathed a small sigh of relief that he actually came back to get me. When I opened the door, seeing Brett shocked me. He looked so sharp in his suit, which was fitted to his lean muscular body quite nicely. He looked kind of hot and I was surprised when my body reacted and I got a little tingly inside.

“You look amazing,” Brett said as he took me in. He looked at me the same way I had seen him look at some of the most precious flowers in his garden, with reverence and adoration. It was a look I hardly felt I deserved but most definitely wanted. He placed a soft kiss on my lips. “We’d better get going. I don’t want you to be late for the ceremony.”

Ten minutes later, we were at the church. Brett leaned down and whispered in my ear, “I’ll see you at the reception.” Then he gave me a quick kiss. “Be good.”

“I’m always good,” I said and winked at him.

That brought out a smile. I loved to see Brett smile. Especially when I knew he was smiling because of me.

I joined the other two bridesmaids in a small dressing room and saw that Olivia was having trouble getting her veil set. Olivia’s mom looked exhausted and feed up already and the ceremony hadn’t even started yet.

Paige and Molly rolled their eyes when I joined them. They indicated the bride. “She’s completely freaking out,” Paige said.

“Freaking out is an understatement,” Molly added. “She’s totally lost it.”

I put my hand on Olivia’s shoulder. “Can I help?”

“Can you fix this stupid thing?” she snapped and pointed to her veil, which was a bit askew. I tried my best to straighten it.

“It just doesn’t feel right,” she moaned. “Is it straight?”

“It looks straight to me.”

Olivia looked like she might break into tears at any moment. I wasn’t sure if I should say anything else. I didn’t want to push her over the edge.

“How do I know I’m not making a big mistake?” she asked. I wasn’t sure it was a question I was supposed to answer but I did anyway.

“You don’t. I guess you just have to have faith that things will work out.”

She thought about it for a minute then she hopped down from the stool upon which she had been perched. She took in a deep breath. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Her mom breathed a sigh of relief. The other two bridesmaids glanced at each other and rolled their eyes again. I didn’t know them very well but I didn’t remember them being that bitchy when we were in college.

I could hear the faint sound of the wedding music begin to play. Olivia glanced at me and smiled. “I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s do this.”

I was paired with a groomsman, who I vaguely recognized from college. He had been in a few of my classes. I thought his name was Matt. With my heels on, we were about the same height. He definitely wasn’t someone I found attractive. He was a bit in the pudgy side and had a ruddy round baby face. He kept looking at me like I was a piece of meat he wanted to devour. When we lined up with the other bridesmaids and groomsmen, he leaned over and whispered into my ear, “You look beautiful.”

“Thanks,” I said trying to be polite but I didn’t look at him.

“I’m Matt, by the way.”

“I know.”

“You remember me?” He seemed surprised.

I didn’t respond. I could see he wanted something that wasn’t even a remote possibility and I didn’t want to lead him on.

“Can I get a dance at the reception,” he said quickly as we all headed toward the isle.

“I’m with someone.”

“You mean like a boyfriend?” He sounded even more surprised. That pissed me off.

“Yeah, like a boyfriend.”

“Is it Joey Vincetti?” Now he was really pissing me off. I wanted him to just shut up because we were headed into the church.

“No, it’s not Joey.”

“Who is it?” He pushed.

“You probably don’t know him.”

“Try me.”

“Brett Conner.”

“Clown hair?” he said a little too loudly. I was furious. “What the hell are you doing with clown hair? You’ve got to be shitting me.”

I glared at him. “Are you ready to march down the aisle or what?”

He shook his head like he still couldn’t believe what I had just told him.

As Matt and I headed down the aisle, I scanned all of the pews to see where Brett was sitting. He was seated near the center of the church and close to the aisle. His eyes were on me when I walked by and I gave him a big smile. He returned the gesture.

The ceremony was like every other ceremony I attended. Pachelbel’s Cannon. The lighting of the Unity candle. The vows. Then we all marched back and suffered the receiving line and took a shitload of photos.