Be Good A New Adult Romance (RE12)(13)

I sighed and tried to pick up the chicken again. But the chopsticks went sideways on me and the chicken fell back into the bowl with a splat.

“Maybe I can just use the spoon?” I suggested but Brett shook his head.

“No, don’t give up so easily. I know you can do it. Try it again.”

It took me three more tries but I was eventually able to pick up a piece of chicken and get it into my mouth.

Brett gave me a wide grin. “See, I knew you could do it. Thanks for not giving up.”

“Thanks for not giving up on me.” When Brett’s eyes met mine, we both knew I meant more than just here and now.

If you would have asked me a few weeks ago, if I would have thought someone like Brett had anything to teach me, I would have thought you were crazy. Now it seemed Brett was teaching me something new every minute of the day. And they were things I actually cared about learning. I’d never cared about learning anything before I met Brett.

I had a feeling what I had to learn from Brett was much deeper than how to use chop sticks and trivia about flowers and gardens. I had a feeling he was going to teach me a lot about love and life.

As we exited the restaurant, Brett grabbed my hand. “So, what’s the verdict on Vietnamese food?”

I thought about it for a minute. “The food was different, which isn’t bad. I’m glad that you make me try new things. I always considered myself a risk taker, sometimes too much of one, flaw number three, by the way. But I realized I don’t take risks like you do. Seeing and experiencing new places and eating different foods. Those are good risks. The kinds of risks I’ve taken in the past are the dark and dangerous kind. The risks you take are the healthy kind. The kind that broaden your horizons.”

Brett stopped walking and turned to face me. “I’m glad you decided to take a risk with me. Even if I’m not dark and dangerous.”

“And who says you’re not dangerous,” I teased.

“No one had ever mistaken me for dangerous.”

Not taking my eyes from Brett’s, I moved in closer. “Maybe nobody has gotten close enough to bring out your dangerous side. I know it’s there, Mr. Conner. If you didn’t have a dangerous side, you never would have slept with me that first night. You just needed someone like me to bring it out.”

I could see Brett swallow hard. “I think we need to get back to the townhouse.”

“Nice try at changing the subject. Does it make you uncomfortable that we’re so attracted to each other? Does it make you feel like you could lose control?”

He nodded.

“Good. Let’s go back to your place.”

And we did.





Five


Brett walked me upstairs as if he was walking me to my doorstep after a date. It was a sweet gesture.

He gave me a peck on the lips and we both stood looking at each other.

“I’m not tired,” I said with a glance into the guest bedroom. I wasn’t ready for him to go downstairs and leave me alone. It felt good just being with him, talking with him and having him close to me. Brett made me feel safe. I could be myself with him, which wasn’t something I was with very many people. That’s a lie; I hadn’t ever been truly myself with anyone.

Brett gave me a half smile. “Neither am I.”

He took my hand and led me over to the bed. We both lay down on our backs, fully clothed. Brett took my hand and held it. We turned to face each other.

Brett seemed to be inspecting every inch of my face.

“What,” I asked.

“I’m memorizing your face.” He said it was if it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Why?” I laughed.

“Because I’m not going to see you for a while. I want to remember everything about you. The way your nose turns up slightly and your mouth turns up a little more on the left when you grin. The way your blue eyes sparkle when the light hits them at a certain angle.”

I could feel a lump starting to form in my throat. I had never gotten into romance and I didn’t want to be a sappy girl, who cried when a guy got all mushy. I wasn’t that girl. Was I?

“What are we doing, Brett? You don’t want sex. You said you want to get to know me better but why? What’s the angle here?”

He propped himself on one elbow and looked into my eyes. “First of all, I never said I didn’t want sex. I just said we weren’t having sex this weekend. There’s a big difference. I want to have sex almost every minute I’m with you. I just want to take things slow. I want you to let me love you first—before we have sex.”

Then he leaned over and gave me a soft kiss.

I wanted more—so much more. We looked into each other’s eyes and I felt like he was looking into my soul. As many times as I had shared my body with other guys, I had never had a moment as intimate as this one and we were both fully clothed.

Yet I felt naked and completely exposed. Brett leaned in and kissed me again, this time with more intensity and passion. A shiver ran through me as his kisses became more heated and needy.

When we stopped for a breath, I said, “I thought you didn’t want to have sex yet.”

He looked at me puzzled. “I don’t.”

Now I was the one with the puzzled expression. Then what were we doing? Things were definitely starting to heat up.

“We can just make out and not have sex.”

But why, I wondered, but I was afraid to say it.

He eyed me with suspicion. “Haven’t you just made out with a guy without having sex? When you first start dating?”

“Maybe when I was twelve,” I joked but I could see Brett wasn’t laughing. He didn’t even crack a smile.

I shrugged. “I like sex.” I said it as if that was the answer to everything. I wanted to stop the line of questioning but I could tell by the look in his eyes he was far from done with the conversation.

A touch of sadness seemed to creep into Brett’s eyes. Or maybe it was disappointment. I had never given much thought to my sex life before I met Brett. I had a reputation for being easy and it was well deserved.

“So you’ve had sex with every guy you’ve ever kissed. You never said no.”

I gulped. I could feel the words sticking in my throat. How could I tell him that it never even occurred to me that I could say no? Once things started I never stopped them.

I could feel myself shrinking again. I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer any more of his questions but Brett pressed on. He was like a detective out to find everything he could about me. Like he had to solve the mystery of Anna before it was too late.

“Did you ever have sex even when you didn’t want to?” His look was so intense it scared me a little.

My mind immediately flashed back to Rodney Porter. He was one of the star football players, a senior, and I couldn’t believe it when he asked me out. I was only a freshman. We made out in the back seat of his car. I remembered it was really cramped. It was a few months before summer break. He turned the engine off, so there was no air conditioning. It was sweltering hot. As we were making out, he started to sweat a lot. He was sweating so much it starting dripping all over me. I was sweltering and it was so cramped and he was so sweaty, all I could think of was, “Just get it over with.” I just wanted him to have sex with me so I could get out of the back of his car and get away from him and his disgusting sweat dripping everywhere.

That was the first time I had sex when I really didn’t want to but it certainly wasn’t the last time.

I didn’t look at Brett. I couldn’t. I just nodded. I could hear him exhale, long and hard. I thought for sure he was going to get up and leave that he would be completely disgusted with me.

“Look at me,” Brett demanded.

When I finally got the courage to look into his eyes, I could see they were wet. He was holding back tears. “Promise me you’ll never do that again. Promise me you’ll only have sex when you really want to and that you’ll say no if you don’t.”

“Okay,” I agreed although I wasn’t sure I could actually stick to my promise. Saying no wasn’t easy when you were easy. But my response seemed to satisfy Brett for the moment anyway.

“And what about you? There were times you made out but didn’t get past first base?”

He laughed. “I never got past first base. In high school, I was like a human set of training wheels for nerdy and geeky girls. They’d date me and we’d make out. Then they’d break up with me and find someone else to get serious with. For a while, it was a pattern. Christie, she was a band geek. She played the clarinet. We dated our sophomore year of high school. I finally got the courage to kiss her the night after the Holiday band concert. We made out in her parents’ basement. The next week in school, she dumped me for the snare drum player. They dated for two years after that. Melanie was a theater rat. We dated our junior year of high school. We’d sneak into the lighting booth and make out. She dumped me for the guy, who played the lead in Fiddler on The Roof. I guess she couldn’t resist his beautiful tenor voice.”