Anything for Her(93)

After a moment she stepped back, wordlessly inviting him in.

She didn’t quite want to say, What are you doing here? She searched for a better alternative.

“I didn’t expect you.”

“I had to see you.”

“Why?”

“When you left today, I had this terrible feeling you were walking out of my life. That I’d never see you again.”

“It’s possible that will happen,” she said carefully. She hesitated. “Would you like to sit down?”

“No.” Desperation looked very different from the intensity Allie was used to seeing in his eyes. “I want— I don’t know what, but sure as hell not to sit here politely conversing. Damn it, Allie!”

The rage and sense of betrayal rose with shocking suddenness, like a flash flood roaring down a narrow canyon. “I don’t even know why I opened the door!” she cried.

“Yes, you do.” His hands shot out and caught hers in a hard grip. “You said you love me.”

“I do. No.” She shook her head hard. “I don’t know if I do anymore. Not after this.”

He gave her a small shake. “All I did was try to understand you.”

“You had me investigated.”

“You were lying to me,” he said flatly. “I knew it. You’ve admitted you were.”

“So that makes it okay?”

“No.” His tight grip eased. Regret altered the lines of his rough-hewn face. “I screwed up big-time. I let my fears get to me. Can’t you understand that?”

She hurt too much to be understanding. “You’ve managed to do to me the one thing I most feared.”

“God.” He tugged her forward until her stiff body collided with his. “You asked me once if you’d ruined everything. Now I have to ask you. Did I?”

“Don’t you see?” She tore herself away again. “It doesn’t matter! If I have to go, I have to go. There’s no future for us. What good would it do for me to say I forgive you?”

“Don’t go.” His voice was raw. “Stay with me, Allie. Marry me. Love me. If you take my name, it’ll be yours for the rest of your life. I swear it.”

“Don’t do this to me,” she whispered. “How can I let Mom go by herself? I’m all she has. She needs me.”

He shook his head. “Allie, you’re an adult. She’s had you longer than most parents have their children. What if we’d met a year ago, gotten married, and then I’d wanted to move back to Chicago? Would you have refused to go because your mother is here?”

“It’s not the same.” She wished it was, wished it could be. “Don’t you see? If that had happened, Mom and I could have talked regularly. We could have visited. If this happens, she’ll lose me completely.” She bit her lip so hard she tasted blood. “I’ll lose her,” Allie finished with quiet desperation.

His body jerked. He said nothing for a moment. “That’s your answer?” he said finally. “If it comes down to it, you’re telling me you choose her?”

“This is your fault,” Allie cried passionately.

“Your mother has never done anything careless or stupid that hurt you?”

Allie felt as if her feet were stuck to the canyon floor as the deadly wall of water bore down on her. There was no hope of her riding it to safety.

Her throat was so tight she could barely speak. “She stole my life from me because she wanted to do something noble. She never even noticed what she’d done.”

Staring at the past, she scarcely noticed his flinch.

“Is that why you’re willing to pack up and go again, Allie?” The devastation and anger were on his side now, and she couldn’t miss them. Nolan’s eyes burned as he stared at her. “Because this life, the one with me, will never be good enough?” He slammed a fist against the back of her upholstered chair, rocking it.

“I’m wasting my time, aren’t I? You want back what you had when you were thirteen, and I sure as hell wasn’t part of it, was I?” A harsh sound escaped his throat. “Guess I got my answer. Hope you like your next life.”

Aghast, Allie watched him stalk to the door. “No! It’s not like that.”

He didn’t even slow down. The door quivered in its frame when he slammed it behind him.