Anarchy (Hive Trilogy, #2)(24)
With that in mind, I didn’t waste any time once we were seated close enough that I could feel his hard thigh pressed against mine. “So, like I said, I have been here before under pretty horrible circumstances. That’s partly why I was so negative about ash and vamps when I first arrived.”
Taking a deep breath, I told him everything. Ryder didn’t say a word during my story. I tried to keep my voice clinical, just listing the facts. I had been out at a club. Coming home, two ash had attacked me and dragged me into the compound. They knocked me around a bit before tearing my shirt off and half of my skirt. I was about ten seconds from being raped when some sort of guardian angel Viking saved me.
Ryder’s hand tightened around mine, falling just short of being painful. He was not dealing so well with this story. Shocker. Finally, when I was finished, and the silence was getting a little uncomfortable, he leaned forward and wrapped me in his arms. “I’m so damn sorry, Charlie. Shit! I recognized the spot you were sitting at—I’ll be honest, I’m feeling the need right now to go off and punch some things.”
I pulled back a little, sitting straighter. I wanted to see his eyes. “You recognized the spot?”
Ryder cupped a hand around the back of my neck, pulling us closer again, resting his forehead against mine. “Yes, last year we found two dead ash there. They had been ripped apart. I investigated, but since these particular ash were both arrogant and dishonorable, my search was half-hearted at best. Not to mention I saw the torn skirt, and could smell blood that was unusual enough that I knew it wasn’t from them. I closed the case without finding their killers. The vamps didn’t care. Ash are nothing more than cattle.” He pulled back and our gazes clashed. “Then … to see you kneeling there, tears running down your face, in the very same spot … let’s just say more than a few scenarios were running through my mind.”
I let my eyes drop down, trying to compose myself. “I fought them—all the way—but it took another male to save me—which I hated. So, from that day forward I trained. I got stronger. I needed to know that I could be strong enough on my own.”
Ryder leaned in and pressed a kiss to my forehead, letting his lips linger there for a tantalizingly long time. As he pulled back, his voice was low and serious: “You’ve proven more than once that you’re strong enough, Charlie. But for the sake of my sanity, tell me that if anything dangerous ever happens you’ll always come to us, to me and the guys. We don’t think of ourselves as your babysitters. We’re your friends. We’re your team. We have your back the same way I expect you would have ours.”
I nodded at him. “Yes, I know. And I think all of you are amazing.”
The sexy six were the toughest of males, but they never made me feel weak or indulged. They treated me like one of them, and I loved each of them so much for it.
Ryder tilted his head back a little, letting the sunlight bathe his face. His tawny skin looked extra bronzed in this light, and I got the sense that he loved the outdoors. His eyes twinkled when he noticed me ogling him.
“I used to come out here a lot. Like you, I sought comfort from nature. Away from the vampires who are the reason I’m an ash … the reason I turned into a monster and killed Molly.”
He never spoke about his fiancée, like ever. It sort of bothered me, because it seemed like even after all of these years he wasn’t over it at all. On the other hand I understood.
I strained forward as he continued. I wanted to hear every single word, even if some of it was going to be painful.
“It was easier to blame them than myself, you know. That’s part of the reason I went rogue and into Sanctum. I was so angry when I first turned into an ash, the pain was killing me. Funnily enough, I always knew I was going to be an ash. Molly knew also. Kyle and my mother went out of their way to become pregnant to a vampire. It was all the rage at the time.”
Kyle had told me bits and pieces of this, Ryder a little more in the restaurant, but I was greedy for every single detail.
I cautiously chose my next words: “I thought all the males who knew they were going to turn ash, well, the government kept a close eye on you? Especially when you were in your early twenties.”
Ryder laughed then, a low derisive sound. “I turned about a year before they expected. For some reason, the closer your sire is to the original line, the less they seem to know about you and the fewer rules you follow. I was young and stupid. In love. Molly and I were barely out of high school. The funny thing is that I’ve been holding on to the damn guilt and pain for so long that I didn’t even realize how bitter I’d become.”
A blaze of silver wrapped around me. His look was intense and potent. “When I met you, everything changed for me. You broke down my walls with your persistence. You never let me get away with anything. You called me out on every single shitty thing I did and said. I realized that your fire was exactly what I needed to warm the coldness which had seeped into my soul.”
Whoa. Maybe Ryder had missed his calling as a poet. That was pretty deep and so romantic. I couldn’t stop from throwing myself at him, and as his arms wrapped around me I felt comforted.
“Molly and I would have been happy. I know that.” His muffled words were as painful as I expected them to be. “But happy is not the same as what I know I could have with you, Charlie. You’re more. You’re everything. This is not young, first love. Not for me. It’s the real deal and I’m ready to let go of the guilt and bitterness now. I’m ready to let go of Molly.”