An Unlocked Mind (Secrets #2)(107)

He lashed out at Alex, because he was the closest person. Rob hated himself for doing it, but that small spark that had filled him after sex roared into a flame that threatened to consume everything. He felt in control, powerful, and it scared the ever-loving fuck out of him.

It didn’t stop him, though. The more Alex became intimidated, the more scared he got, the better Rob liked it and the more Rob pushed.

But Rob wasn’t in control. He knew even then how he was spiraling downward, headed to the ground faster and faster. He tried to get Jamie to understand, but his answer had been more sex. That led to them picking up the sisters, and to the revelation that Rob had experienced but not wanted to acknowledge.

He was lost. He was broken. He’d never been of use to anyone unless they wanted something from him. He hated himself and knew the people in his life would be better off without him in it. The thought terrified him. It was what sent him in search of someone to pull him back together, like Leo had done for Alex.

But there wasn’t anyone like that. Oh, he saw a lot of men, but not one of them screamed they could help Rob. No one demanded Rob submit, to give his life over to them to rebuild. Then came Vic, who told Rob that the only way things would get better was if they worked on them together.

Vic in the glow of the television, smiling. Vic at Kew Gardens, bathed in sunlight. Vic meditating in the garden. Vic in the throes of orgasm, his gaze boring into Rob. Vic….

Everything came down to Vic.

Rob couldn’t be sure how long he’d been in the tank. Twenty minutes or twenty hours, was there really a difference? His mind had gone blank, as though every thought, every memory he kept there had been torn from him.

He sank into a deep darkness, as though he was floating in a vast nothingness. It was powerful and overwhelming and… utterly calm. It was a sensation Rob had never felt before. There’d been hints of it. Tantalizing bits of peace that were snatched away, but now? Total bliss. He never wanted to leave there if he could feel this way all the time.

Rob flinched when light fell on him. He could see a silhouette hovering over him, and he reached out for it. In seconds, a solid body held him, hands caressed his back, and over his cheeks flowed his own warm tears.

The plugs were pulled from his ears, and Vic’s voice was a gentle breath against Rob’s skin. “Are you okay?”

Rob shook his head. He wasn’t. He’d faced too many truths all at once, and they’d left him shattered. It had all been overwhelming. But oddly, they also showed him the path to finally fixing it once and for all.

Vic.

Vic was his answer. Vic held the power to put things to right again.

Rob clung to Vic, who cradled him in his arms, nuzzling his neck. Rob held on to that one real thing in his life with desperate determination. He floated, feeling beneath him a soft bed, Vic still touching him. Slowly, Rob came back to a coherent stream of thought.

“Wow,” he said softly.

“I know,” Vic replied.

Rob tried to sit up but found he had no strength.

“Do you need to use the bathroom?”

Rob shook his head.

“Then just lie here with me. It will take about an hour for your mind to process everything. Are you feeling better?”

Was he? Rob felt as though his world had been picked apart, thread by thread.

“I’m all right,” Rob replied.

Vic reached over and pulled a bottle of water from the table beside the bed. He cracked the seal and urged Rob up to drink. The water was warm and flat, but still some of the best he’d ever tasted. After he finished, Vic took the bottle and placed it back on the table. He put a hand on Rob’s chest and pushed him until he lay back down. Vic cuddled up beside him, and Rob was surrounded by his warmth.

“If you need to talk, I’m here for you.”

How could he talk? He wasn’t even sure what had happened.

“Okay,” Rob said softly.

He closed his eyes, and the memories from the tank surfaced again. Rob saw Alex, his bright smile, his loving gaze at the man he married. Then he recalled Alex’s words about pushing him to be with Leo. He also recalled Alex saying he wanted to get to know Rob, now that he wasn’t a colossal prick.

“I forgive myself,” he whispered.

Vic sat up. “What did you say?”

Rob’s eyes burned as he scrubbed a hand over them. “Jarod said I needed to forgive myself for what I did to Alex. Alex said he was willing to give me a chance. I’d like to think I’m worthy of it, and unless I want this hanging over me and poisoning any chance I’ve got to show him I’m not that Rob anymore, I need to let it go.”

“Jarod is a smart man. Before Alex can forgive you, you’ve got to forgive yourself.”

Rob nodded. “I forgive myself. I’m going to be a better person.”

“You already are. You’ve grown so much, blossomed before my eyes. You’re stronger, even more than you thought possible. You stood up for me with your mother. You stripped in front of a group of men and said you belonged to me. What does that tell you?”

Rob put his head on Vic’s chest. “It means you’ve made a good impact on me.”

Vic snorted. “Please. You pushed yourself to do this. To make amends. You wanted it long before I ever came into your life. If I helped, I’m glad of it, but you, Rob Daniels, are the one who made it happen. I don’t believe there isn’t anything you can’t accomplish if you put your mind to it.”