An Unlocked Mind (Secrets #2)(106)

Rob moved closer to the device. “This looks clean, at least.”

“We’re the first to use it. Too bad, I quite enjoyed the old model’s design, but I will admit, the new one is a lot nicer. Anyway, when I mentioned my desire to use it, Eli had someone check it out. He said that when they talked with the members, no one requested it, and it was a total loss. Still, he and Jarod had tried something similar, and Jarod said he very much enjoyed it. So Eli was willing to purchase the tank in case they wanted to give it a go later.”

“Jarod did this?” Rob asked. He couldn’t picture that at all.

“Like I said, it’s very liberating. Now, are you certain you want to try this?”

Knowing that Jarod had done this made Rob feel certain he could handle it too. “Yes, Sir.”

Vic showed him to the small shower in the room. Rob washed himself down from head to toe, using the time to relax himself. When he felt he was ready, he stepped back out and found Vic with a large, fluffy white towel, which he wrapped around Rob’s shoulders to dry him.

“Are you sure about this?” Vic asked again.

In answer, Rob crossed the room and stepped into the tank, the water pooling around his ankles.

“Okay, sit down for the moment,” Vic instructed.

Rob sat. The water felt good, like a cool bath.

“This is salt water,” Vic explained. “It will help you float so nothing is touching the sides or bottom. You’re just… I guess the best word is free.”

Rob listened intently as Vic went over his instructions. He could see the worry in Vic’s eyes, but also the pride that shone in them.

“Okay, now….” Vic held up two foam earplugs in his hand. “These are necessary to cut out the sound, and to prevent the salt water from getting into your ears.”

“But I thought you said—”

“It’s not soundproof, if that’s what you’re wondering. That comes from the room itself, as well as our location. The plugs will cut out any ambient noise.”

Rob nodded. “Got it.”

“Remember, if you have problems, push the button or pound on the sides. I’m going to be right here and I’ll open it.”

Rob sucked in another calming breath and gave a sharp nod. His stomach fluttered, every nerve ending on high alert. “Good thing I’m not claustrophobic,” he muttered to himself.

Vic put a hand on the lid and said quietly, “No matter what, I’m proud of you for trying this. Even if it doesn’t work out, you’ve no idea what this means to me.” He leaned in and kissed Rob’s forehead. “Okay, earplugs in, and lie down.”

Rob did as instructed. The water supported him. When the top began to close, Rob resisted the urge to cry out. As the sliver of light disappeared, his anxiety skyrocketed. It was dark as a cave in the tank. He told himself repeatedly that he was safe, with Vic right outside, but his mind rejected it. Rob’s heart was pounding. He knew he was lying prone, but it felt as though he was hurtling through space, with no up or down.

His chest was tight, and he felt as though someone had taken a key and unlocked his mind. All thoughts were accessible to him, even those he thought he’d forgotten. Rob had never been so terrified in his life. He knew, deep down, that if he didn’t get out of the tank, he would die there. It was going to happen. Rob thrashed around a bit, but it still felt like he had no control over anything. Bile rose in his throat. He was lost, confused, afraid.

Then he remembered his center.

He called the image to mind and saw Vic sitting there, a huge smile on his face as they watched the film. Rob’s breathing calmed slowly and his heart stopped racing. Vic was there with him, like he always would be.

Vic held him and kept him safe.

Then Rob’s thoughts took a strange turn, and he wondered about safes. Why do banks use them? Are they really safe? And what does it mean to be safe?

Rob knew about American baseball. Players could be called safe at home. But home wasn’t safe. It hadn’t been for Alex. It had been a hell that was part Rob’s fault. Even though Alex forgave him, Rob always believed he could never truly forgive himself. But Jarod was right. If Rob wanted forgiveness, he had to forgive himself for his behavior.

And why do bees act that way?

The jumble of chaotic thoughts gradually narrowed in a stream of color down to a white pinpoint. Everything Rob had ever done was in that one moment of time. It had coalesced into here and now. It tore him open and forced Rob to see it all.

Then everything stopped. It was quiet again, but Rob still felt unsettled. He had niggling thoughts in the back of his mind, but wasn’t sure what they meant. He pictured himself as a child, wondering why his mum wouldn’t hug him. He’d seen other mums hug their children. He began to wonder if something was wrong with him that made her not want to touch him.

His father was marginally better, though he was still distant.

Jamie had been there when Rob needed a mate. Someone to tell him he was okay. The thing was, Jamie didn’t do that either. He took advantage of Rob’s desperate need to be accepted by someone—anyone—and preyed on that.

How long had Rob kept that fear inside? That he’d never be good enough for anyone, never be enough. His own mum couldn’t love him, so how could anyone else?

Then came his first sexual encounter with a girl in his class. Her parents weren’t going to be home, so she invited him round. When he did, that moment changed his life. It had been fumbling and over way too soon, but there had been a warmth inside Rob. He desperately wanted to retain that feeling, but it was extinguished far too soon, leaving Rob angry and hurt again.