An Act of Persuasion(86)

“That’s it? All you feel is fear?”

No, it wasn’t even remotely close to all she felt. Ben made her feel as though there was another person in the world who knew who she really was. Ben knew she started to get cranky when she was tired or hungry and he either made her sleep or fed her. Ben knew she liked to sleep on the right side of the bed so he slept on the left. Ben knew how she liked to be kissed and touched. Ben knew what her favorite maternity shirt was and that she secretly liked the name Gertrude for a girl, although he refused to allow his daughter to be named that.

Ben made her feel safe when she slept in his arms. Ben made her feel happy when she woke up and he was still there. Ben made love to her as though, even with her round body, she was still the sexiest woman he’d ever laid eyes on.

No wonder she was so scared. For six years he’d been her world and what she felt for him then was a mere fraction of what she felt for him now. Which made the idea of him not feeling the same way about her so much more daunting.

Yes, he cared for her. Yes, he wanted her. But did he need her? Did he get heart palpations at the idea of her not being in his life? It seemed very uncharacteristic of Ben to truly need anyone.

“Has he told you he loves you?”

“Ha!” Anna snorted. “Ben? Feelings? You met him, right? No. Don’t get romantic on me, Mark. We’re both realists. Ben doesn’t want to move in with me because he loves me. He wants to move in with me because he sees it as the next step in his plan to get me to marry him. Because that’s what he wants. The kid and me in that order. He thinks moving in will get him to marriage that much faster and he thinks marriage is the most secure way to lock it all up. He’s being expedient, that’s all. First he gets me to forgive him, then he gets me to date him, then have sex with him, now he wants me to live with him... This must have been how the Germans felt when they knew Patton was on the other side of the battlefield.”

“Resistance does sound futile.” Mark pinched the last dumpling from the container and popped it in his mouth.

“Was that the last dumpling? Did you seriously eat the last dumpling when there is a pregnant woman in the vicinity?”

“Snooze, lose. Besides, I thought the quart of pork lo mein and the twelve dumplings you already had would have been enough. No?”

Anna patted her stomach. “Well, it does leave me room for dessert.”

“Stop changing the subject. What are you going to do about Ben?”

“I’m probably going to lose.” Hell, she’d already lost. The idea of going home tonight and him not being there was unimaginable. He was making her ridiculously happy, and she simply had to find a way to deal with the fear.

“Probably?”

“Definitely. He’ll win. I’ll cave. It will take a few months, but I’ll start to realize he doesn’t feel about me the way I feel about him and I’ll have my heart crushed.”

“Honestly, though, is a lifetime of a one-sided love really that long to endure?”

Anna knew Mark was teasing her, but she wanted to kill him right now. Or at least wipe the smug look off his face.

“Listen, all kidding aside, I think you’re not giving Ben enough credit. Forget the fact that the guy bought you a house in case he died. I’ve known him a long time, too, and I never once saw him lose his control. The night he broke his own rule and knocked you up...that’s unprecedented.”

Was it? When he thought he might die? The bottom line was that Anna was afraid it no longer mattered. Letting him go, or trying to walk away from him a second time didn’t seem humanly possible.

“It doesn’t matter. I know what’s coming, but I’m not quite willing to surrender the battle yet. If he wants to move in with me, then he’s going to have wait until I’m ready. Besides, he’s got this really ugly sofa in his home office that I know he’ll want to bring with him and I hate it.”

Not the memories on it, of course. Those were precious. But the couch looked like an overstuffed piece of beige nothingness.

“There’s a reason to put your life in stasis. You don’t like his taste in furniture.”

She glared at Mark. “If you hadn’t eaten the last dumpling, I would have thrown it at you.”

“Yeah, right. As if you would waste the food.”

“Okay, well, how about we move on to another topic. Have you made any progress finding my birth parents?”

“Absolutely. I’ve got several leads. I’m tracking them down and making excellent progress.”