An Act of Persuasion(56)

“You said I didn’t think about you or notice you except for that night. You said I didn’t know you. But you’re wrong. I know what having a home meant to you. You talked about it frequently. You said mine was an architectural mess and that a real home should be comforting and embracing. When you talked about having a house your face would change. Like it was this mythical thing you couldn’t ever imagine actually owning. I never understood why that was. I would tell you all the time I could help you with a loan for a down payment and help you with arranging a first-time buyer mortgage you could easily afford. But you never seemed to want to do that.”

She still hadn’t said anything. He could see the dust he was pushing around with his shoe. The place needed to be cleaned.

She stepped toward him. “I didn’t buy a house because it had to be perfect. I was waiting for everything to be perfect. Although I’m not sure what that perfect is anymore. Or maybe what I was really waiting for wasn’t just walls and a ceiling...but a home. A real one, with more than me in it. I think what you saw in my face when I talked about having a house was more about having a family. Someone to come home to. Someone who was mine.”

“You have a family now, Anna. Forget what you do or don’t see with me in the future. That little bit in your belly with the beating heart will always be your family. From now on.”

Her shoulders dropped then and great sobbing cries echoed throughout the empty rooms.

Oh, shit, he thought. More crying.

He reached out as if to pat her on the back but she leaped into his arms and held on to him as if she would never let him go. This, he thought, this is what he wanted when he’d brought her here. There was probably something ethically wrong with buying a home just to get a woman to hug and sob all over him, but he didn’t care.

“I saw you, Anna. Every damn day. I swear it. But I didn’t know what the hell to do about it. If I’m being honest, I still don’t.”

She looked at him and smiled, her face was a hot mess and tears still streamed down her cheeks.

“I was such a bitch earlier.”

“I noticed. The Bachelor? Seriously?”

She half sobbed, half laughed. “I’m scared. I’m really freaking scared.”

“I know.” He wiped her face with his thumb. “I don’t know of what, though.”

She shook her head and when he looked into her eyes he saw the fear, but also maybe something else. Maybe something like hope. Hope he could work with.

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

“I thought you said no pouncing.”

“Kissing isn’t pouncing. A kiss is just a kiss.”

She frowned. “Isn’t that from an old song?”

“Anna?”

“Yes, Ben?”

“Shut up.”

It was, he decided, their first kiss. That night didn’t count because it was all too blurry and rushed and had happened before either of them knew it was happening. Then that time in her kitchen he hadn’t given her any choice. It was something he needed without thinking about what she needed.

This, he thought, was two people dating who got to kiss for the first time. Something they both wanted. He could taste the salt on her lips and feel the soft plumpness of them. Everything about Anna was soft. He ran his hands into her hair to hold her head at the exact right angle so when he pushed his tongue into her mouth it was deep and they were connected.

It felt more right to him than anything he ever remembered. Better than that night, better than the last time in her kitchen. And he wondered if every time hereafter it would get better still. It seemed impossible.

Her tongue played with his, her hands on his back, her breath mingled with his breath. He could feel his body stretching forward toward her, wanting her, needing to feel all of her against him. What should have been just a kiss was about to become actual pouncing if he didn’t back off.

As he pulled his head away and could still feel the little pants of her breath on his mouth he struggled for control. In his life he couldn’t remember a struggle as intense. But she said she wasn’t ready for more and he wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardize the fragile headway he’d made tonight.

“I should take you back.”

She nodded and he could see the flush of red in her cheeks, the glassy, unfocused look in her eyes. She wanted him, too. She wanted him the way he wanted her and for a second he wasn’t sure why he thought it was so important that he stop.