An Act of Persuasion(33)

“DID YOU JUST SAY SEX?”

“I did. I would like to have it,” he said, then added, “With you.” In case that wasn’t clear.

She dropped the spoon into the bowl and sat back staring at him. “Are you crazy?”

Maybe, he wasn’t sure. He only knew he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Couldn’t stop fantasizing about her. He didn’t only want to have sex with her. He wanted to have sex with her as many times as his body was able. He wanted to sink into her until it became a common event. So that some night in the future, thoughts of it wouldn’t play in a continual loop in his mind, driving him to the brink of insanity.

“Anna, I can’t be the first man to say he desired you sexually. I don’t see anything wrong with being honest about what I want.”

“No. I mean, yes. I mean, we are so not there. You walk in here with Chinese food and a book with a picture of a breast highlighted and suddenly it’s okay to talk about sex? That you want it. What the hell am I supposed to do with that bombshell?”

Suddenly irritated, he threw his napkin on the table. “What? You don’t care for surprising news being dropped in your lap? You told me last night that you loved me. Did you think I wouldn’t consider what you said, that I wouldn’t think about what it meant to me?”

“I...uh...I don’t know.”

“Well, I did. I thought it about it all night. What you said weren’t just words, Anna. Or were they?”

“No. I was as honest with you as I could be.”

“Then let me be honest with you. I don’t know if I love you. Hell, I can’t say for sure I know what love is. I’ve certainly never been so overcome with emotion or feeling for another person that it changed me fundamentally inside.”

She shook her head. “I don’t believe that. You’ve told me about your parents. How it was growing up. They sounded like warm, lovely people. You must have loved them.”

“Of course, yes.”

They’d been older. A couple who had found each other later in life. His father was a successful plumber and his mother was a quiet, soft-spoken woman. Having him had been an unplanned event, so Ben’s childhood was more about him fitting into their worlds rather than them accommodating his.

Fortunately, Ben had seemingly been born competent and mature so hadn’t required a lot of their attention and focus. His father was stern, but not harsh. He demanded discipline and he rewarded competence. Ben’s mother’s quiet demeanor hid a deep intellect that he admired and often sparred with.

Had he loved them? He’d been sad when they passed, of course. His father of a heart attack. His mother not two years after that of a sudden brain aneurism. Ben had been orphaned by age twenty-six.

From that moment on he had lived with the certainty that he was alone in the world. It hadn’t frightened him or worried him. He’d simply embraced his solitude and lived his life for his work.

Never once had he met a woman for whom he wanted to change that life.

Until Anna had left him. Because she loved him and was tired of not being loved back. Anna wasn’t prone to dramatics or tears, yet she’d cried when he asked her to come home.

Home.

The word should have registered with him. He knew what it meant to her. Knew what she sacrificed each pay period to put money aside so that she could finally have her own house someday. A house she declared would be the best home she could imagine, because it would be hers.

Those tears showed him how very serious she was about her feelings. She deserved to know how serious he was about making something work between them, as well.

He knew he wanted her in his life. She was probably his closest friend. The first one he’d really allowed himself to have when he returned to the states. Because of her he’d found himself becoming closer to the other people he worked with like Greg Chalmers, a man still struggling to overcome his own demons, who Ben found himself want to help. And Madeleine Kane, who had needed a kick on the bottom to jump start her life again. Would he have made those more personal connections without Anna having been there first? Doubtful.

“Loving your parents isn’t the same thing as loving a woman,” he said.

“No, it’s not. But don’t say you don’t know how to love someone.” Anna reached across the small table and laid her hand on top of his. “You’re not as coldhearted as you want to believe. You would have to choose it, Ben. Decide what path you wanted to take in life.”