Allied (Ruined #3)(60)

“At first,” she said. “I think that night, when you all died and Olso claimed the castle, would have felt like a victory. The feeling probably would have lasted through saving Olivia, and as we traveled back to Ruina. But eventually, I would have had the same realization. That by using the king’s violent tactics, I’d become exactly like him. He killed because he was scared. I killed in revenge. Different reasons, but they have the same ending. I like to think of your father as pure evil, but do you really think he felt entirely comfortable with what he’d done?”

Cas shook his head. “No. I think he became even more stubborn because it was too terrifying to consider that he’d made a mistake.”

“It’s easier not to think about it. To just make the decision and stick with it, no matter who you meet, what new things you learn.” She said her next words gently. “Do you think you got so mad at Jovita because you weren’t allowed to get mad at me?”

His eyes quickly shifted to hers. “I’m allowed to be mad at you. I was mad at you. You remember.”

“I remember you forgiving me pretty quickly too.”

“I thought you deserved forgiveness. I believed that you really had feelings for me.”

“I’m just saying, you lost both your parents and your country was invaded. You forgave me, the Olso warriors retreated as soon as you arrived, and you’d never blame the Ruined as a whole, not after what your father did to them. So all you had left is Jovita. It was easier to put all your anger on her, wasn’t it?”

He paused for a moment. “Yes. I hadn’t considered that.” A small smile crossed his lips. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. I was trying to find someone to talk to about this the past few days, and there’s no one who . . .”

“Who has killed people in a vengeful rage?” she guessed.

He laughed softly. “No. There’s no one who will give me an honest opinion, even if it’s uncomfortable. And no one else who can really understand what I’m feeling.”

“I’m sorry I can understand what you’re feeling. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”

He lifted a shoulder in a small shrug, his gaze shifting to the window. He was different from the boy she’d met months ago, standing silently and sullenly on the castle lawn with his parents. He was even different than the boy she’d known in Vallos, the one who’d tried to give up. He was stronger, but steadier.

She forgot sometimes that he wasn’t very far removed from his parents’ deaths. She hadn’t been nearly as calm as him a few months after her parents died. She’d been angry and difficult, snapping at Aren and Damian, fantasizing about all the ways she could take revenge on the Lerans.

He caught her looking at him, and he cocked his head with a smile, sending butterflies fluttering through her stomach. She held his gaze, watching the way his dark hair fell into his eyes and he tossed it back with a flick of his head.

“What?” he asked with a laugh.

A knock sounded on the door, and Violet stepped inside, followed by Franco. Em stood and greeted them, and Violet managed a small smile when their eyes met. Em knew Violet didn’t like her much, and she couldn’t blame her. Violet’s father had died in the raid on the Lera castle.

But if Em and Violet could smile at each other, maybe there was hope for the rest of them.

Violet and Franco took the other two seats by the window.

“Thank you for meeting with us,” Violet said. “We’ve discussed some things with Cas and the advisers, and we thought it was best if we talked to you alone before doing larger meetings with the Ruined.”

“Of course.”

“First of all, we’d like to get the Ruined and our soldiers training together. I understand that Olivia was the one in charge of training the Ruined?” Violet asked.

“She was.”

“Is there anyone who you would trust to take charge here? Work with General Amaro on some strategies?”

“I think Mariana would be good at that. And one of the Ruined who can manipulate the body. Gisela, maybe.”

“Good. Let us know who and we’ll set up a meeting.”

“Do you know where the Olso and Vallos troops are right now?” Em asked.

“We had reports of them a bit north of where you attacked them, but we haven’t heard from a messenger recently. It’s possible Olivia got them.”

“Entirely possible,” Em said with a sigh.

“But we know for sure that Olivia is coming here eventually, because . . .” Violet let her voice trail off.

“Because she wants to kill me,” Em finished. She swallowed down a sudden lump in her throat.

“She wants to kill all of us,” Cas said. “Let’s not blame it all on Em.”

“Right. Sorry, I didn’t mean that,” Violet said.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s just that regardless of what happens with the human troops, Olivia and the other Ruined are coming. We want to be prepared.”

“How is the Weakling coming?” Franco asked.

“We set up a workstation and recruited some guards and staff to help,” Em said. “We’re lining shields and some armor. It shouldn’t take long.”

“Then the last thing we need to discuss is your marriage,” Franco said.