All the Right Moves(66)

John found himself staring at a spot on the carpet, a well of sadness choking his chest and throat. He couldn’t do anything but wait until it passed. Sam didn’t rush him.

“She said that I was still grieving.”

“Who’s she?”

“This woman I’ve been seeing. Cassie. She’s a bartender at a dive out by Lamb. But I’m not sure she’s right. I don’t think it’s grieving, exactly. I do have a new perspective, though. About what’s important and what’s not. Being a fighter pilot was the only thing I ever considered doing, you know that? It’s the only thing my family considered. I was good in science. I had a teacher once who told me she thought I’d be an excellent doctor. I laughed. I just... A fish doesn’t know it lives in the water. I’ve never been out of the pool.”

“All right,” Sam said. “You’ve got a point. I’d say, if we were living in a world where they weren’t cutting back on fighter pilots, that you should give the private job a try. See what it’s like on land. Maybe you should anyway. With your experience, the air force will more than likely take you back if you change your mind.”

“But they may not.”

“True. Which makes your choice a difficult one.”

“Tell me about it. I’m driving myself nuts.”

“Just consider one other thing, okay?”

“What?”

“That maybe your dissatisfaction is based on something other than the military.”

“Like...?”

“I don’t know. Maybe being all Top Gun all the time is getting old.”

John thought about Rick and the others. How they were spending their days, their nights. Then it occurred to him that they were all still in their twenties. “Huh,” he said.

“Let me know what happens. Whatever you decide.”

“I will. You call Emma. Don’t chicken out. I think she’ll be glad to hear from you.” John hung up, and for the first time since he’d gone on leave, he didn’t separate thoughts of his future from thoughts of Cassie.

* * *

THE BAR HAD ONLY been open an hour, and there weren’t many people at the tables, or in the back. Not even Gordon and his pack had made it in yet. What was strange, though, was that Tommy had arrived before anyone else.

He was sitting close to the wall, near the silent jukebox. The bar itself had been wiped down, the kegs were full, the stock filled, even the recycling bins had been emptied. Cassie couldn’t remember the last time he’d come in to prep the place. He hadn’t done much in the bathrooms, or washed the floors, but Lisa had arrived shortly after Cassie, and the two of them tackled the labor-intensive work.

No one said anything, no teasing him about his sudden transformation. But he kept staring at her. Every time she looked up, he seemed to want to say something. Finally, she’d just had it.

She went over to his table, brought them both a couple of tonics and lime. “Okay, I’m here, and I’m all yours.”

“I was getting there,” he said. “But what I have to say isn’t easy for me.”

“You may piss me off, but you’re still my big brother. So talk. We’ll work it out.”

He nodded. Shifted in his chair, squeezed his lime until it begged for mercy. “I wasn’t here the other night because I was drunk.”

“I figured,” she said, hoping the discussion would improve soon.

“I was drunk because I was ashamed. You were right about the whole gaming license thing. Len, the lawyer I was hanging with, he wasn’t really a lawyer.”

Cassie closed her eyes for a moment. It was hard to watch Tommy blush like a kid. Fumble his words.

“He wanted to rope me into a pyramid scheme, and I lost some money. Not everything. I didn’t touch the savings.”

“I’m glad.”

“I don’t know,” he said, barely meeting her gaze. “I wanted something good to happen. Something big. I’ve been feeling so useless.”

She reached over and touched her brother’s hand. Just for a second. “I get that. I do.”

“That guy? That air force officer? I wouldn’t have yelled at him like that, except I was embarrassed.”

“I know.”

“Not just about that night, either. I was embarrassed because I was so angry at him for having the life I’d always wanted.”