All We Can Do Is Wait(46)

“Hey.”

“Do you need anything?”

“No. I’m fine. I should—” She pushed herself up from the chair. “I should go talk to someone. I should ask Mary Oakes if she knows anything. She might. If they know about Kate . . .”

Jason nodded. “Yeah. She might.”

Alexa straightened herself up, wiped her eyes, strode toward the nurses’ station.

Jason thought about the red taillights of Kyle’s car, disappearing around the bend in the road, the steady hiss of the rain as he walked the fifteen minutes home. When was the last time Jason had gone sailing? Had it been early that morning, the day of Nate Carlsson, the day of the fight? Or had he, despite everything else changing, still gone the next day? He couldn’t remember anymore.

Alexa turned back to look at her brother. “What are you going to do?” she asked, probably already knowing the answer.

Jason said the only thing he knew how to say these days.

“I don’t know.”





Chapter Eleven


    Alexa



IT WAS A regular enough night at Grey’s, the night she found out, tinged as it was with end-of-summer sadness. Alexa had told her manager Nate that she would be back on weekends in the fall until Grey’s closed for the season, after Columbus Day. But she and Nate both knew that probably wasn’t going to happen all that often. The Cape was far, and she’d be busy with school. (“And friends!” Nate said, Alexa realizing she’d forgotten all about her paltry social life back in Boston.)

But Alexa insisted to Nate, and to herself, that this was not it. That she’d be back, that the spell was not going to lift on Monday morning. It was the only way she could make herself enjoy this last weekend.

Still, knowing this could be Alexa’s last night at Grey’s, Nate put Kyle and Laurie on with her, figuring they’d have fun, be a good team as they’d been all summer. Courtney and Davey’s parents were out of the house that night, off in Woods Hole at some huge end-of-summer bash, and so the twins were having a party of their own.

The last few hours of work were fraught with anticipation. Kyle had the earlier shift, so he’d clock out and head up to the party ahead of them, and Alexa would catch a ride with Laurie after they closed down. Though, toward the end of his shift, Kyle started saying maybe he didn’t want to go after all.

“You’ve been in a weird mood all weekend,” Alexa said, when they were out back, tossing foul-smelling bags of old food and trash into the even worse-smelling dumpster. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” Kyle shrugged. “I’m fine. I’m not in a mood. I just . . .”

Alexa frowned. “What, Kyle?”

“I just had a little . . . bumpiness, with a boy. And I feel like I screwed things up, and he definitely screwed things up, and I want to fix them. I want to fix the things.”

Alexa was surprised, a little hurt, even. “A boy? I didn’t know you were dating anyone.”

Kyle sighed. “I am. Or, I was? I don’t know. I hope I am.”

“Who is he? Is he anyone I know?”

He laughed, a tiny, almost imperceptible bit of breath. “I don’t think so.”

“Well, what happened?” Alexa pressed.

“Look, I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m sorry. It’s fine, I’m gonna be fine. He’s going to be fine. We’re going to be fine. It’s all fine.”

“O.K. It’s fine.”

“It is. And with that, I’m off. I’ll see you and Laurie there?”

“Yes! Can’t wait.”

“Should be a scene. Have you ever met Davey’s home friends?”

“No . . .”

“They’re awful. But in a fun way? And cute! So, maybe . . .” He gave Alexa a little wink-wink elbow nudge, and she laughed and swatted him off. “O.K., my love, see you there.”

Alexa gave him a hug. “I’ll see you there.” She walked back toward the store, but then heard Kyle calling her name. She turned around but could only barely make him out in the dark.

“Hey, Alexa! I was wrong. It’s not going to be fine. It’s going to be great.” And then he was gone.

She and Laurie had another three hours of work, serving the last customers, an unsurprisingly long line of people wanting to cram in one last ice cream. Then the arduous cleanup, the restocking of things, counting the cash and matching it with all the receipts, entering it all on the computer in Nate’s office.

But eventually, finally, they were done. Alexa was waiting out back for Laurie, who always took too long to leave, when she heard a kind of shriek or a wail coming from inside the store. Alexa ran back in, calling Laurie’s name, thinking she might have seen a rat or something else that scared her. She found Laurie in the break room, one hand over her mouth, phone in the other hand, pressed to her ear. She was crying. Alexa looked at Laurie, and maybe it only felt like it now, with the hindsight of a year, but Alexa could swear she knew right then that something had happened to Kyle.

? ? ?

Alexa shook the memory out of her head. She couldn’t mope now. Skyler’s news, her happy news, had been a strange, unexpected shock, and it had sent Alexa reeling. Because Alexa had, for a second, as the little doctor with the round glasses walked toward her, let herself think that the news was for her—and that, despite the grave faces, the news was good. Less than a second, even. But it was enough to pry open some fissure in her, letting all the panic and horror of the day flood in. It sent Alexa staggering, retreating to a chair to think dark thoughts, pulled her back to Kyle’s death, to the heavy grief of the past year, to her anger at Jason.