All They Need(83)

He drew breath to speak but Mel’s hand landed on his thigh.

“Please. Let me get this out. I want you to understand where I’m coming from. Why this is so important to me. And if I stop, it’ll take me ages to find the courage again.”

He nodded, then realized that perhaps she couldn’t see him in the dark.

“Okay.”

“Thanks.”

She was silent for a long moment after that and he started to think that maybe she’d changed her mind.

“You were there the night of the Hollands’ party. You saw what happened with the fountain. In case it wasn’t obvious, Owen was furious with me afterward. He didn’t talk all the way home in the car, not a single word, and when we got home he made me strip in the front hall. He said it was in case the carpet got wet, but it was really because he wanted to humiliate me the way I’d humiliated him.

“The whole time, he stood there and told me how stupid I was. How I’d shamed him. How every man at the party had seen my body and knew how cheap I was. He told me that I was a laughingstock and that I’d made him a laughingstock. Then he told me to go into the living room and take off my underwear.”

He stirred beside her. His whole body was hot and tense as he guessed what was coming next.

“He told me to bend over the arm of the couch, and he screwed me from behind. Then he told me I was lucky he still wanted me.”

She’d been staring at the tiles on the terrace, her expression blank, but now she lifted her gaze to his. “And I let him. I let him treat me like that, Flynn.”

“Mel—”

“I know what you’re going to say. That it wasn’t my fault, that he was emotionally abusive, that I was a victim. It’s all true. But I still allowed it to happen. I allowed him to talk to me the way other people talk to their dogs. I let him use my body. I accepted his parents’ judgment of me. I turned myself inside out trying to please him. Me, Flynn. No one else. That’s why I won’t live with you. And that’s why I will never marry again. Ever.”

Flynn wasn’t a violent man. He’d been in exactly one real, knock-down, drag-out fight in his life. But if Owen Hunter walked through the door right now, he would take him apart with his bare hands. No hesitation. And he wouldn’t stop until the other man was begging for mercy.

The thought of Mel living with someone who spoke to her that way, who used her that way… It literally made him ill. She was so funny and generous and loving and beautiful and sexy. How anyone could fail to love her he didn’t know—and how anyone could take her love and turn it against her that way…

It beggared belief.

“It’s not your fault.” He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. How to explain the gut-wrenching sympathy he felt for her? How to acknowledge the shame he could hear in her voice? How to even begin to express the sadness and anger and regret he felt on her behalf? “Anyone who would treat someone they purportedly love like that is a freaking head case and doesn’t deserve to walk the streets. He’s an abusive *, Mel. And you were his victim.”

She nodded, but he wasn’t entirely sure that she really believed him. Never had he felt so inarticulate. So out of his depth.

“It’s okay, Flynn. You don’t have to convince me or fix this for me. I know what it is. I know it better than anyone. I just wanted you to know, to understand. This isn’t about you. This is all me. All of it.”

He gave in to his instincts and twisted to face her, wrapping her in his arms. She came willingly, her breath leaving her on a little shudder. She rested her chin on his shoulder and he could feel her working hard to control herself.

“Thank you for hearing me out,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “I know I hurt you tonight. I know I can’t give you everything that you want. But I care for you so much, Flynn. So much.”

He turned his head and pressed a kiss to her temple. For the first time since he’d known her, she felt fragile in his arms. Funny how a shift in perception could do that. All this time, he’d known she was wounded, but he hadn’t understood how deep the wounds went, how profound the damage was. And, also, how strong she was to have rescued herself and rebuilt her life.

I love you, Melanie Porter.

The words filled his mind and his chest but he was smart enough not to let them pass his lips. Now was not the time to burden Mel with his feelings.

He finally understood what he was up against. He’d been so certain that he had only to be patient, to give Mel time to get past her wariness, but her instinct to protect herself went far deeper than wariness. She’d learned a powerful, visceral lesson, and she was determined to never forget it.