All About Seduction(106)
He gasped.
The thin layer of his smalls couldn’t disguise the throbbing hardness. She ran her fingers over him. He would be able to continue.
He cupped her face and gently nudged her around to look at him. She watched his eyes darken with passion and a question that pulled her toward a path she knew was fraught with pitfalls. She was too fragile to hide her feelings, too uncertain.
Possibly in the harsh light of day she would realize this feeling was just gratitude for his gentle consideration. Or that she wanted to persuade herself she had finer feelings toward Jack to make this less wrong. Only as she called up reasons she could be in error, she was at the same time trying to build a scenario where she would never have to let him go. A way to hide him in the attics or a cottage to keep him.
Suddenly unable to bear his scrutiny, she rose to her feet and reached for his crutches. She leaned them against the chair.
“Come to bed, Jack. I am truly ready this time.”
Jack stared into the fireplace. He had been so close to getting through to her. Now Caroline had moved to the side of the bed and waited for him.
He supposed she was more ready than she ever had been before, but she was still a long way from the sated state he wanted to take her to. He, though, was caught in a welter of desire. He had tasted the beginnings of passion on her lips. Her budding response was a more powerful drug than the morphine.
He wanted to spend hours seducing her, showing her the pleasure to be found in her body, but she was too impatient to accomplish baby making to allow herself to savor the moment. He hovered on a knife’s edge of desire. His erection was rock hard. His stones were drawn up so tight they almost hurt. He wanted to get on with it, but then, he didn’t want to allow her to shut down her body’s response.
Wearily he gathered the crutches and scooted to the edge of the chair. He didn’t know if the rules were still in force, but until Caroline released him from his promise, he had to keep his word. No touching, kissing, hugging while engaged in the act. Men of honor always kept their word, and he wanted to be honorable. He wanted Caroline to respect him. He at least wanted that much from her.
He pushed up, positioned the crutches and made his way toward the bed, which seemed far away, even though it was only a few steps. Caroline watched him, and he wanted to tell her to turn around, to not look at him like this.
She was exasperating. When he wanted her to look at him, she wouldn’t. He’d been trying to maneuver her on the chair to get both hands free and to watch her face, and she’d taken it as a sign of his discomfort.
“You look tired, Jack. We should finish so you can sleep.”
He sighed. The day had been impossibly long. He didn’t have the energy to fight her and his desire. “If that is what you want.”
He never should have allowed her so much control over their encounters, but then they might not be having any encounters at all if it weren’t for his agreement. Why would she choose a poor millworker over a polished gentleman to father a baby?
She glanced toward the door and then back at him. Her eyes glittered in the low light.
“You aren’t going to cry again, are you?” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.
She seemed to gather herself, straightening her shoulders and lifting her chin. “I shall endeavor to not make such a ninny out of myself again.”
“Caro, it is just us. If you must cry, don’t hide it from me. I have sisters, I understand the need for a good cry.” He frowned. His sisters went so far as to say they felt much better after a long spate of tears. “Well, I don’t exactly understand, but I’ve seen it enough times to know women cry.”
She gave him a tremulous smile and it knocked the wind out of him. She would probably assume his breathlessness was due to the exertion of walking five feet. He never should have let her look at his leg. How could she see him as an object of desire when he was disfigured?
Jack stopped beside the foot of the bed. “You really are beautiful. I’ve thought so since the first time I saw you insisting on being handed down from the curricle.”
Her brows drew together.
“At church.” He may have been the only one who was close enough to see her dismay as her husband walked away, the flash of fear on her face and then her resolve. “The first time you attended here.”
“I don’t remember seeing you there.”
He’d been lugging a baby, probably David, who was now sixteen. If he hadn’t had his arms full, he would have stepped forward to hand her down. He hadn’t really understood at the time, because he’d barely decided he was interested in females, but she, the girl who was not of their kind, intrigued him.