After Anna(2)

Noah wished he could run time backwards, undo every decision until this moment. He’d made so many mistakes. His life had exploded like a strip of firecrackers at a barbecue, igniting the patio furniture and spreading to the house until everything was blazing out of control, engulfed in a massive fireball.

His entire world, destroyed.

It had all started with Anna.





Chapter Two


Maggie, Before

‘Anna, is it really you?’ Maggie felt like shouting for joy. She couldn’t believe it was really happening. She’d prayed she’d hear from Anna someday. It was her last thought every night, though she kept it to herself, a secret heartache.

‘Yes, it’s me. Uh, hi –’

‘Oh my God, I’m so happy you called!’ Maggie felt tears spring to her eyes. She grabbed a napkin from the drawer and wiped them, but the floodgates were open. It was a dream come true. She couldn’t wait to tell Noah. He was in the backyard with Caleb, planting rosebushes.

‘I hoped you’d be happy I called.’

‘Of course, of course I would be! Wow, it’s so great!’ Maggie’s throat thickened, and her nose started to bubble, which she hated. She was Queen of the Snotty Cry, which was even uglier than the Ugly Cry.

‘I know it’s kinda random, to call out of the blue.’

‘It’s not, it’s wonderful, it’s amazing! You’re my daughter! You can call me anytime!’ Maggie held the napkin to her eyes. She hadn’t seen Anna since she was an infant, only six months old. That was seventeen years ago, the darkest time in Maggie’s life, when she’d entered the hospital. It started coming back to her, a dark counterpoint to her elation.

I can’t sleep even though I’m exhausted.

‘Uh, Mom, I wasn’t even sure what to call you. Is Mom okay?’

‘Yes, Mom is okay! Mom is more than okay.’ Maggie wanted to jump up and down, but held it together. She had just been called Mom. She never dreamed she’d hear Anna call her Mom. She’d never been called Mom before, by anyone. Caleb called her Mag.

‘Good, great. I hope it’s okay I called on a holiday.’

‘It’s fine!’ Maggie dabbed at her nose, trying not to make weird noises into the phone. ‘So, Happy Easter!’

‘To you, too.’

‘What did you do for the holiday? Are you at your dad’s?’ Maggie kept her tone light, even though she hated her ex, Florian. She knew he was behind Anna’s decision never to see Maggie, estranging mother and daughter permanently.

‘No, I’m at school.’

‘Oh.’ Maggie felt a pang for her, spending the holiday without family. ‘Did they do anything special?’

‘No, mostly everyone’s still away for Spring Break.’

‘I see.’ Maggie tried to collect her thoughts, sitting down at the kitchen island. Sunlight glistened on the granite countertop, which was white flecked with black and gray. Caleb’s Easter basket of Cadbury eggs and jellybeans sat next to the Sunday paper, and the air still smelled like banana pancakes from breakfast.

I’m losing weight but I’m not dieting.

‘So Anna, tell me, how are you? How have you been? Can we catch up on your whole entire life?’

‘I don’t know.’ Anna chuckled. ‘If you want to.’

‘I do, I’d love to!’ Maggie’s heart lifted. ‘We can try, can’t we?’

‘I guess.’

‘Of course we can! So tell me how you are!’ Maggie would give anything to reconnect with Anna. Maggie had fought for shared physical custody, but Florian had enrolled Anna in a fancy French boarding school, and the French courts had ruled against Maggie. She’d tried to establish visitation, but then Anna herself had written Maggie, saying she didn’t want to see her. Maggie had honored the request, though it had broken her heart.

‘I guess I’m fine. My life is . . . fine.’ Anna giggled.

‘Mine, too! What a coincidence!’ Maggie joined her, laughing. ‘How’s the new school?’

‘Not as fine. And it’s not new.’

‘You started there for high school, right?’ Maggie had gotten a notice from Florian two years ago, which was required by the court, telling her that Anna had come stateside to Congreve, an elite boarding school in Maine. It drove her nuts that Florian had won custody of Anna, only to send her to a school to live. Maggie sensed he didn’t visit Anna much, because what little Maggie could see of Anna’s social media never mentioned Florian, not even on Father’s Day. Maggie always checked Mother’s Day, too, torturing herself.

‘Yes, but that was, like, three years ago. I wanted to come to the U.S. for high school.’

‘So what’s Congreve like? I saw on the website, it’s so pretty!’

‘There’s not much to tell. It’s school.’ Anna fell momentarily silent, and Maggie rushed to keep the conversational ball rolling.

‘So you’re only a year from graduation! Tell me, what’s next for you? College?’

‘Totally, they’re obsessed here. Congreve is a feeder for the Ivies. My grades are pretty good. I have a 3.7.’

‘Wow, I’m so happy for you!’ Maggie felt new tears come to her eyes, a mixture of joy and guilt. Anna deserved the brightest future ever.