Absolutely Unforgivable(86)

Rocco nodded in agreement and came into my bedroom. He sat in the chair near the terrace door where just a bit of light was peeking through the curtains. Something about having Rocco so close by helped me finally get to sleep and when I woke up the next morning, I was happy to still see him there. Happy for me, but then sad knowing that he stayed up all night in that uncomfortable chair.

When Vin woke up and saw that Rocco wasn’t sitting outside my door, he burst into my room to see what was going on. It scared me and I jumped out of bed. I did my best to explain that I had asked Rocco to sit with me in my room because I couldn’t sleep but still I could tell he wasn’t happy. He preferred that they kept a professional distance from me and even just sitting in my room was inappropriate to him.

I went downstairs wondering if Billy was making breakfast. He wasn’t. The kitchen was empty. I made a piece of toast and after eating it, I realized Billy was in his studio. I walked in and sat down in a chair, listening to the light twang of his guitar. When he realized I was in there with him, he put his guitar down and without saying a word started to walk out of the room. As he made his way to the door, I stood up and blocked his exit. “Billy, we need to talk.”

A sad look crossed his face as I put my hand on his arm. But before he could respond there was a knock at the front door. He walked past me to see who it was. I walked up behind Billy and saw it was a man delivering a large bouquet of flowers. It was a beautiful mixture of peach roses and pink calla lilies. I took the flowers and sat them down on the table by the door and pulled out the small card. It read, “Thinking of you. Love, Jeromy.”

When I looked up to explain, Billy was gone.

I didn't see him again until that night at Rowdy’s. I wasn’t so sure if being there was a good idea after seeing the scowl on Billy’s face. I started to ask Vin to take me home but Trista wouldn’t hear of it. She insisted I get on stage with the rest of the gang.

When the first song started Billy leaned into the microphone, the bottom of the stand coming up off of the floor. The lights in the bar had dimmed and a small spotlight now shone on him. He looked directly at me as my face colored red but he did not retreat. His gaze locked onto mine. The first line of the song he said almost in a whisper, yet he could still be heard clearly. “I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my mind.”

The song picked up tempo and the rest of the words he spoke truly broke my heart. “So much is left unsaid. You are so beautifully broken. I want you to know. I love the way you laugh. I want to hold you. I want to be your better half. You are so beautifully broken. I want to take away your pain.” He flashed his trademark smile at the crowd and they went wild.

There was a slight pause and the lights flashed back on. The song was a much faster beat now. There were no longer the soft spoken words coming from his heart. He screamed into the microphone, “Kill me now you f*cking bitch! You are killing me inside!” I glanced over to him to see if his eyes were still looking towards me and luckily he was not. He was looking out into the crowd as they cheered him on adoringly.

I tuned out the rest of the song. I couldn’t bear to hear any more of it. I knew exactly who he had written that song for and I didn’t want to know what else he felt for me. I didn’t want to hear any more about his pain. I got it. I knew he was hurting but he was the one who had lied to me. He could have told me Jeromy didn’t cheat on me but he didn’t. He said he only learned that night before, but who knows if that was true. For all I know he could have known about Jeromy the entire time.

I knew Trista would be mad if I left but I didn’t care. I walked off of the stage and made my way to the back room where I sat down and tried to block the throngs of screaming fans out of my head.

After taking a short breather I came back out and sat down at the band’s table. I sat back and watched Billy on the stage. He was really on fire tonight and the fans were eating it up. One fan in particular. I recognized her from when I first moved to Houston. She was a cute little redhead that Billy had been intimate with before.

I don’t recall seeing her since then, but tonight she was eagerly cheering him on and when they finished their set I was horrified to watch him go up to her and disappear into the parking lot with his arm wrapped around her. I couldn’t believe my eyes. How could he do that to me? I was devastated by his betrayal and asked Vin to take me home.

When I woke up the next morning I went downstairs with my head still reeling from what had happened with Billy and the redhead. I decided that today I was going to confront him and make him talk to me about everything.