Absolutely Unforgivable(44)
Our bed was only a few feet away, in the next room, but in the heat of the moment it didn’t seem to matter. He took me right there on the bathroom counter.
Eventually I made my way back downstairs. I wanted to apologize to Billy for my rude entrance; but the place was quiet. He and the band must have already been at Rowdy’s for their gig.
Chapter 10 - Happy 4th of July
The next morning I got up early to see Jeromy off. Before leaving he told me he left me some money on the nightstand. While I appreciated the sentiment, it still for some reason, made me feel kind of cheap and dirty, considering what we had just done the night before in the bathroom. It didn’t sit well with me how easily he just threw money at problems and expected them to go away.
However, today’s problem was mine, and my not wanting him to leave. But it’s too late; he is gone and I’m alone. I became overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness and despair.
Then for some reason my mind flashed to him saying he left me money and I got agitated. Sometimes Jeromy treats me as if it is my job to just sit around the house and look pretty for him when he has time to spend with me -- As if I shouldn’t speak unless spoken to. Like maybe I was just a doll to him that he took out and played with when he had time and then put back on the shelf, to wait patiently until he has time to play with me again.
I wonder how long I’ll be his favorite toy. Over the last year as I’ve noticed a pattern with Jeromy and his former girlfriends. I’ve learned a lot about them since he’s still friends with quite a few of his exes. He would lavish them with money and gifts, like he does with me. Then one day, I guess when he gets bored of them and is ready to move on to the next, he helps them get some great job. He either teaches them to do what he does or uses his connections to find a good job with another company. And then they are over and he can be satisfied that they are taken care of, at least financially.
Despite their breakup, I get the feeling that almost every one of his exes are still madly in love with him and that if at any moment Jeromy was to ever even hint that he would take them back, they would drop whatever they were doing, or dump whoever they were with, and run to him. Jeromy had this way of taking hold of people. His smile is infectious. But it’s really more than his smile; it’s his presence, his aura, his very essence. When he is around, you want to bask in the warm sunlight that surrounds him. I guess I can imagine that would be hard to let go of.
I wonder if I will be like they are when Jeromy moves on from me? Will we still be friends? Will I still secretly long to be with him years from now, even after I’ve moved on and started a relationship with someone else? I cringed at the thought. I don’t want to be like those girls. That’s just sad. Just thinking of them makes me feel awful.
I shook my head as if I can physically force these thoughts out of my head. I know that I’m just being silly, insecure because I’m upset that Jeromy has to work this weekend. I know that Jeromy loves me and I know he isn’t one day suddenly going to get bored of me and just toss me aside. I’m ashamed of myself for getting so worked up over it all.
With Jeromy gone, I made my way back upstairs to find the money he left for me and put it away. It’s not that I didn’t trust anyone in the house but I just didn’t the idea of money lying around. I was surprised to find the “some money” Jeromy left for me was actually about a thousand dollars in a large stack of twenty dollar bills. What in the heck did Jeromy think I was going to be doing this weekend that I would need that kind of cash?
My irritation soon went away when I walked into the kitchen and Mindy’s smiling face came barreling towards me and she jumped on me for a hug. “Oh my God! I’m so excited! Tonight is going to be so awesome!” That girl was always so damn perky, even this early in the morning. How did she do it?
I glanced over to Billy who was walking my way with a glass of orange juice in hand. “Hey,” he said as he handed it to me. I thanked him and then went to sit down at the kitchen table. Mindy followed me, never straying more than a few inches from my side.
“I’m sorry Jeromy couldn’t be with us today but you know that’s totally okay because we are going to have so much fun without him. It’s so going to be his loss. He has no idea what he is going to miss.”
Mindy is normally a sweet girl and very cheerful, but something about this whole thing didn’t feel right. It felt a little forced. I get the whole bright-eyed and bushy-tailed thing, but this was something else altogether. I looked over to Billy, who by now was leaning against the kitchen counter, drinking coffee. He didn’t say anything; he just shrugged and looked back down to the ground.