A Vow So Bold and Deadly (Cursebreakers, #3)(73)

I swallow. I wish Grey were here. I long for his cool, assessing judgment.

The instant I have the thought, I regret it. The decisions here are mine. I am queen. Just because I do not want to think of destroying soldiers—neither his nor ours—does not mean it will not happen. And perhaps she is right, and we should take decisive action to gain an advantage.

I remember riding through the hills of Emberfall, looking on the devastation we’d already brought to the country. I wanted peace then, and I want it now, but I failed. Twice. The first time because Rhen did not trust my offer, and the second time because he did not wish to come to terms when we offered him sixty days. I don’t want to fail a third time. Nolla Verin is right: we should take any advantage we can.

But war doesn’t bring peace to anyone. And even though Rhen did not trust me, that does not mean that my offer of an alliance wasn’t sound. If I want to rule with temperance and civility, my first true action as queen should not be a betrayal of something I offered another ruler.

“We will wait out our remaining few days,” I say. “We will not send another company.”

Nolla Verin looks like I punched her in the stomach. “Did you not hear that Prince Rhen has sent a full regiment to the border?”

“Yes. Because we did.”

“He sent a thousand soldiers—”

“They are within his borders, Nolla Verin! He is allowed to prepare for war!”

“Because you gave him ample warning,” she says. “Because you want to be kind, and you want to be loved, and you want to be—”

“No, sister,” I snap. Somehow I refrain from slapping her across the face, which would definitely make her question these accusations of kindness. “Because I want to be fair and I want to be just, and I want the best for my people and his.”

She takes another step closer to me. “You are not fair and just. You are weak and easily led. Your people do not want you, just like Rhen’s people do not want him.”

“You think that the only way to achieve anything is with a blade in your hand,” I say. “And it is not.”

“It is,” she insists. “You would not be queen if you’d not learned that very lesson yourself.”

Her words shock me still. Because I killed our mother. The only reason I even have this role is because I did exactly what she said. I took this role by the edge of a blade—our very law requires that the role of queen be taken by violence. How could I have ever thought I could rule Syhl Shallow with anything less?

“You know,” she says, and her voice is low, and not unkind. “You know what must be done.”

She’s so fierce and beautiful and unyielding and determined. I’ve never envied her any of those things, though. I once thought she would make a great queen.

But she could never stand up to our mother. She never would have made an attempt at peace.

“It is not what must be done,” I say quietly. “It is what you think must be done. I will stand by my word.”

Her eyes are like fire, and she glares at me steadily. “You are wrong. And you are too late anyway. I have already sent the order to the fields.”

“You will rescind that order,” I snap.

“I will not.”

My hands form fists. “You are not queen, Nolla Verin.”

“Well, at least I’m acting like one.”

I suck in a breath. “No, you are not. You are acting like a girl who has forgotten who is. You will rescind that order, or you will have to pull your dagger and claim the throne yourself.”

Her eyes flare wide. She takes a step back.

But then, for one wicked second, she thinks about it. I can see the thought flicker through her eyes. Her hand twitches toward her weapons. In that one second, my heart seems to stop. To wait.

Months ago, our mother sent her to fetch me, as part of a trial to prove her loyalty. Nolla Verin couldn’t do it.

But that was different. Then, she was still destined to be queen, and she didn’t need to kill me to prove it.

Right now, she’d have to. This tension hangs between us until I almost can’t breathe around it.

Finally, an eternity later, she sighs and grits her teeth. Her hands relax at her sides. “No. I will not claim the throne.” She squares her shoulders. “But I will not rescind the order, either.”

My heart resumes beating, and I have to take a breath. For the first time, I realize that no matter how close we are, and how much we’ve endured together, there is still a part of her that sees me as weak, a queen who will need someone to handle the more … unsavory parts of ruling. Instead of seeing my alliance with Grey as a boon to our militaristic forces, maybe she—and everyone else—has seen that as a flinching on my part.

A literal flinching, as I remember the way I stood on the training fields.

Maybe it’s time to change that.

“Fine.” I turn away from her and head into my closet, reaching for my boots. “If you won’t rescind the order, then I will.”



The sky is full of clouds, leaving the air cold and damp as I stride across the fields. Since I was in a pique, I only threw on a light cloak, and I’m already regretting it. Nolla Verin is right on my heels, and she hasn’t stopped trying to convince me that I’m making a mistake. In my chambers, she was so forceful and determined, but now she’s speaking in a constant stream of whispers at my shoulder, her angry breath making quick clouds in the air.