A Vow So Bold and Deadly (Cursebreakers, #3)(52)

In a move that surprises no one, Rhen has decided to inquire about strategy. “How big of a force does Syhl Shallow have remaining?” he says.

“At least a thousand soldiers,” she says. “They’ve been training hard. Twice a day.”

“His soldiers will be fit and prepared for battle,” says Rhen. “As will mine. I’ve given orders to send a regiment to the border this morning.”

At least I know about this. I’m spurred into offering, “Jamison mentioned that.”

“Yes,” Rhen says, and his tone is almost clipped. “I heard you spoke with the lieutenant.”

I inhale to snap at him, but Chesleigh’s head is turned just a bit, and I’m aware that we have the attention of everyone in our traveling party. At my side, Zo murmurs, “My lady.”

I clamp my mouth shut. I let my horse drift back a bit, putting distance between me and him. I’m so … something. I can’t even pick apart my own emotions, but I want to give Rhen the finger, and at least that’s better than sobbing.

I wish I hadn’t come along. I’m not even sure why I’m needed right now, especially when riding feels like torture, each step jolting through my body and reminding me of what Lilith did.

When we reach Silvermoon and leave the horses in the livery, Rhen says, “My lady, you will surely be bored with my negotiations with the Grand Marshal. Chesleigh will be able to accompany me to discuss our plans.” His tone is a bit cold. “Perhaps you would like to walk the market with Zo?” He holds out a pouch of coins.

I might have been able to keep my mouth shut while we were walking, but there’s only so much I can take. I shove the coins back at him. “I’ve got my own money. Thanks.” I offer him a belligerent curtsy and turn away.

At my back, I hear Chesleigh chuckle and say something under her breath.

My hands form fists. The only thing keeping me from swinging one is that Chesleigh looks like she could knock me flat without breaking a nail.

Zo quickly says, “Come, my lady. Which stall would you like to visit first?”

“Let’s hit the bowyer,” I say, making no effort to keep my voice down. “I have a feeling I’m going to want a weapon later.”



What’s really sad is that I never travel anywhere without Rhen, so I don’t have my own money.

Despite my tumultuous emotions, I’m glad to be walking the stalls in the late autumn air instead of listening to Rhen and the Grand Marshal. I really don’t know much more than basic military strategy, despite the number of times I’ve watched Rhen pore over his maps and discuss troop placements with his advisors. When they’re little steel figurines on a map, it’s easy to forget that the whole point is to chart out the locations of real live soldiers who will be expected to kill or defend. I care about people. I don’t like thinking of ways to kill them more efficiently. For months, I had nightmares about Syhl Shallow’s first invasion, when Rhen was a monster who tore the soldiers apart. Night after night, I’d hear the cries of men and women whose limbs had been severed, or the screams from people whose intestines were spilling out of their bodies, or I’d see the blind eyes of people who’d never draw another breath.

And we’re just going to do it again. I should have let Lilith take me back.

“Harper,” says Zo, and I swallow and blink at her.

“Sorry,” I say. “It’s been a long day.” I pause. “Thanks for getting me away from Rhen. I don’t know why he’s being so … whatever.” I blink away tears. “It’s really good to see you in armor again.”

Zo smiles. “It is good to wear it again.” She gives a self-deprecating shrug. “I was worried you would be upset that His Highness did not ask you first.”

“No.” I shake my head quickly. “No, I’ve felt guilty for … forever. It was my fault that you lost your job.”

She looks at me like I’m crazy. “No. It wasn’t.”

“I shouldn’t have made you go after Grey—”

“You didn’t make me.” She takes a breath and blows it out through her teeth. “You wouldn’t have had to make me.”

I think back to that moment when we stood in the small yard behind the inn, when Grey and Tycho were so injured from the flogging that they could barely stand. Back then, even though Lia Mara was not destined to be queen, she offered to grant them safe passage to Syhl Shallow. She offered them an escape from Rhen.

“I’ve wondered a thousand times if I should have gone with them,” I say quietly, as if the words need courage to be spoken fully.

Zo nods, her expression musing, which makes me think she wonders the same thing.

“Would you have gone?” I ask, and my voice is very soft because I’m not sure I want the answer.

It’s probably not even the right question anyway.

Should I have gone?

As usual, I don’t know if I’m more angry at Rhen or more angry at myself.

“Yes,” says Zo, and I flinch. She looks at me. “I would have gone, if you had wanted to go. But you did not just stay for the prince. You stayed for Emberfall.” She swears and looks away. “The guards should know that. His Highness should know that.”

Tears flood my eyes again, and there are too many to blink away. I’m sure I look super regal right now. I glance around at the merchant stalls to find that many people are peering at me with dark curiosity, but there are a few glimpses of outright hostility. Rhen is not popular here in Silvermoon. Neither am I, I guess. Or maybe they don’t know who I am. This is the first time I’ve ever visited a city without Rhen by my side.