A Soldier's Salvation (Highland Heartbeats Book 7)(60)

Caitlin told all, the attack by Connor’s men and their escort back to the Duncans, the ride to the Anderson house, the wounds he’d sustained and the assessment Sarah had made. “She’s a good healer, quite the legend, from what I hear. And she said there was no hope. Even if we’d been there at the time of the fight, there would likely have been no saving him.”

“Och, poor lad,” Sorcha murmured, sinking into a chair. “I mean no disrespect to you, my dear. You know I have always had your side and always will, no matter what. But anyone could see he was an unhappy sort, never able to settle down and be satisfied with what he had.”

“He confessed to Rodric that he only wished for us to be wed in order to take something Rodric wanted,” she whispered, twisting her fingers together. It was an embarrassment to admit it, though she was not at fault for what her husband had done.

“He did, did he? I could have guessed that, as well,” Sorcha replied, sipping the tea. “Go on. Eat. You need to build your strength.”

The fact that both she and her aunt were widows occurred to Caitlin then. What a difference there was between them. She’d never loved her husband, hadn’t even liked him, while Sorcha’s eyes still always looked a bit red, slightly watery, as though she had only just finished crying or might start crying again at any moment.

Sorcha watched as she ate, which Caitlin found rather unnerving. “What is it?” she finally asked, making the ungraceful choice to lick her fingers free of every last delicious morsel of fish. Even a day past its full freshness, it was a marvel. Her aunt had always prepared an excellent meal.

“I merely wondered what you will do now,” Sorcha explained. “Where will you go?”

“I’m uncertain,” she admitted with a shrug, deliberately keeping her eyes downcast.

“You’ll marry Rodric, no doubt.”

It was an effort to keep her tone light. “Why is there no doubt?”

“Because he is the one you were always meant to marry. I know it. Your uncle knew it. Even Alan Anderson knew, considering what you just told me. He confessed on his very deathbed that he only wanted to take you from his brother. It seems everyone except for you knows of the path you were meant to take.”

“Not only me,” she muttered in reply. “I’m not the only one.”

“Do you mean Rodric?” Sorcha laughed.

“Don’t laugh!”

“I’m sorry, dearest, but I cannot help myself.” It was an effort for the older woman to compose her features. “It’s only that the idea of Rodric Anderson, who’s been in love with you his entire life, not wishing to marry you is too amusing.”

“I don’t find it amusing at all. And if you would be so kind as to look back on the words I chose, Aunt Sorcha, you’ll find that I never said he doesn’t wish for us to be wed. Perhaps he does. But with Alan dead by now—I assume—there are far too many concerns for him to turn his attention to. With Connor banished and Alan dead, I’m no longer threatened.”

“Do you truly believe he would forget about you because you’re now safe? Do you believe he would push you aside because the needs of his clan would demand his attention? Oh, no, my dear.” Sorcha shook her head, wisps of gray-streaked hair floating around her face. “No, you will always be his highest priority. I’m as certain of it as I am of my own name.”

“What if…” She chewed her lip and stared at the wall, not seeing the wall but something much further away. “What if he blames me?”

“Why do you always think you’re to blame? Oh, Caitlin, you cannot hold yourself responsible for the actions of others. Alan Anderson behaved much the way he has his entire life. He was selfish and stubborn and quick-tempered, and—God rest his soul—he has paid the price for it.”

“If I had stayed…”

“If you had stayed, you would not be the young woman I know my niece to be. I would never have expected for you to step aside and allow others to determine your future. Especially not if the future included a man you so clearly wanted no part of.”

“There are other considerations to be made,” Caitlin argued, leaning closer. “I should have considered what this would mean for both clans. I was the stepdaughter of the leader of one, and the new wife of the leader of another. This was always about more than simply my happiness. It wasn’t that I turned my back on the others involved. I simply never considered them. And that is what I cannot forgive myself for.”

“So, you assume that means Rodric will not forgive you, either.”

It pained her to do it, but Caitlin nodded. “How can he? Now that he sits where his brother did, he’ll be able to see things as his brother did. He will have to start thinking for the entire clan, not only for himself.”

“Why should he?” Sorcha asked, tilting her head to the side. “He has you doing all of his thinking for him.”

The comment—and the almost mocking tone in her aunt’s voice—sent her reeling back. “Aunt Sorcha.”

“Did it occur to you that you should speak with him about this before making up your mind on his behalf?”

Her cheeks flushed. “No. He was at Alan’s bedside.”

“And instead of waiting and offering him your strength, you came here.”