A Nordic King(54)

Considering it’s been a week since Christmas, it takes me a moment to figure out what she’s alluding to.

But it’s Aurora. Of course, it’s Aurora. I knew the moment I bought that vase for her that everyone else would be giving me side-eye, making assumptions on why I would buy a 300,000 euro vase from a Christie’s auction and give it to a nanny. In some ways I wish I could have given it to her in private, but at the same time, I want everyone to know what she means to the family, what she means to me.

In a strictly professional way, of course.

“She deserves it,” I say simply, not wanting to make a big deal out of it.

“I know she does,” she says. “I’m just saying, that cost you a fortune.”

I shrug with one shoulder. “We have the money. I had the means to get it.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point?” I look at her mildly. “Hmm?”

“The point is … well, you better hang on to her for as long as you can.”

Her comment shouldn’t fill me with dread but it does.

In one way, I can’t imagine not having Aurora around. She’s part of this family now, beyond just being the help. Whether she knows it or not, she’s the thread that holds this palace together.

In another way, I can’t imagine how I’ll even fucking handle the future.

The truth is, I can’t. I’ve been barely hanging on this last month.

She’s started to become a full-blown obsession, one that I can’t shake, one that I can’t ignore, no matter how hard I try.

And I do try. I avoid her when I can, put up my walls again and again, keep my distance. I do everything I can to keep her in her place as the nanny. She isn’t supposed to be anything more than that, and I certainly am not supposed to think of her more than that.

But Aurora is a force of nature. She’s sunshine and fresh air and the northern lights. She’s a goddess, through and through with playful eyes and a smile that will knock you flat on your back. She came into our lives like the first rays of the morning and she won’t be shuttered out or dimmed.

Even when I do my best to ignore her, she has this way of pulling me back into her orbit, wrapped up in her very being.

I always thought I was stronger than most people because I had lost so much. I thought that my upbringing, being groomed for the throne, would have made me hard and impenetrable. And it did. I prided myself for being the sort of man that nothing would get to. Even when Helena managed to penetrate my defenses, I was quick to put them up again. Stronger. Better.

But the truth is, Aurora, this living goddess in my home, is making me weak, and for the first time ever, I have something to lose.

Her.

I can’t lose her.

And I can’t keep her.

I don’t know what to do.

“Aksel,” Stella says gently, putting her hand over mine. “You know it’s okay for you to move on.”

I eye her sharply. “What do you mean?”

She levels me with a disbelieving look over her coffee. “Come on. You know what I’m talking about. It’s been two years since Helena and…”

I shake my head. “I’m not talking to you about this.”

“I’m your sister.”

“I know you are. But there’s nothing to even say.”

She frowns, and in that moment looks so much like my mother that I feel yet another pang of guilt for not going to see her recently. “I have a hard time believing that. Look, I know what you and Helena had in the public eye was not what you had in private.”

My heart lurches. Our loveless marriage was something I’ve strived to cover up, no matter the cost.

You’re so good at covering things up, I tell myself.

I’ve been silent for a few seconds so I finally manage to say, “What makes you say that?”

“You think I don’t know what a loveless marriage looks like?” she says. “Come on, Aksel. My divorce was just finalized. I know that Egil was only interested in my money and status, just as I know Helena was only interested in yours. She wanted that throne and she got it.”

I have trouble swallowing, my heart wrapped in layers and layers of hardened guilt. “She did a lot of good.”

“I know. Everyone knows. You can still do a lot of good for the world and generally be a good person all while doing the wrong things. People aren’t just black and white. We’re not even grey. We’re all the colors, mixed into one muddy mess. Maybe Helena just wanted to be a queen so she could make a difference in the world with her charities. That’s a noble cause but it doesn’t erase the fact that she was cheating on you.”

I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. “How did you know that?” My words come out ragged.

Her eyes grow soft. “Because I saw her and Nicklas once when they thought I wasn’t there. If they were that sloppy around me, they’d be that way around you. I wouldn’t have told you if I didn’t assume you already knew.”

She’s right. They were sloppy. It’s like Helena wanted me to know, knowing full well that I’d never divorce her. The thing is, she was right. I wouldn’t have divorced her—that’s not why I confronted them in Madeira. I just wanted the charade to be over. I needed to say my piece.