A Mess of a Man (Cruel & Beautiful #2)(3)

She had to go there, which only proves how little she knows me or wants to outside of the size of my bank account. I try to rein in my anger but fail as I slam my glass down on the side table causing her to jump and her face to pale.

“He was like a brother to me. And he was twenty-nine years old for God’s sake. He should be working on having a kid with Cate, not six f*cking feet under the ground.”

She lifts a hand like she’s trying to calm a dragon and maybe I am one. “I’m just saying. We’ve been together for five months now.”

I cut her off. “No, Karen, that’s where you’re wrong. We’ve been f*cking for five months.”

Her back straightens and her eyes narrow. She switches back to school teacher stance and her next words are slow and deliberate, like she’s teaching me a lesson or something.

“You f*cking *. You’re a great big jerk who’s going to die alone if you don’t get your head out of your ass.”

Asshole and jerk are just a few of the names I’ve been called over the years and it rolls off me like water. There are a number of things I could say in response, starting with how I just finished f*cking her ass. However, I stay tight-lipped because it appears she’s going to leave. Score. She pulls up her skirt and yanks her shirt over her head so fast her hair is practically standing on end from static electricity. I smirk because it’s somewhat amusing.

“Nothing’s funny. And don’t bother calling me when you realize what a mistake you’re making.”

I shrug.

She mutters several more curses as she exits my front door. The noise as it slams is just the punctuation I need to clarify that our relationship is at an end. I pick up the drink and take another deep swallow. Karen was a great piece of ass, but that was it. There had never been a moment when I wanted more.

She’s right about one thing. Cancer scares me shitless. I can’t go through that ever again with anyone. I’m grateful my family doesn’t have a history of cancer because one crushing blow is enough. Drew’s death shredded me and I’m still trying to piece myself back together. And he’s been gone over a year.

I pick up my phone and hit the number I want to dial.

It rings once and my little sister and only sibling, Jenna, picks up. “What’s up Benny boy? I thought you would be driving to North Carolina by now.”

Inwardly, I sigh because that’s where Karen is going alone.

“What gave you that idea?” I ask nonchalantly.

Karen is somewhat of a friend of hers. And I have to do damage control before Karen calls her.

“My phone’s ringing. Hold on.”

“Wait, Jenna, don’t answer. I need to talk to you first.”

There is a pause and sharp as a tack, she’s putting it together.

“What did you do?”

I bite the bullet and spit it out, knowing she’s going to be pissed. “I can’t be with her.”

Silence. I mark off the time in increments of five. By the time I’m up to fifteen, she finally speaks.

“Why?”

You’d think Jenna was older than me the way she says that word.

“I’m not into her like that.”

“Ben …” she stops and her voice softens even as her disappointment in me is evident. I love my sister, but not enough to date a woman I’m not interested in. “This isn’t about Drew is it? Did you freak because Karen’s aunt has cancer?”

It sucks how much she knows me.

“I didn’t freak.” I take another swallow of my Lagavulin. “I’m just not into her. No reason to meet her family when I’m never going to put a ring on her finger.”

She’s probably crossed her arms by now and is most likely tapping her foot in impatience. I’m no coward, but I’m glad we’re on the phone.

“I don’t believe you.”

“You don’t have to,” I snap.

She says nothing for several seconds. “Mom’s going to be pissed. She likes her. She sees the two of you making little Ben babies together.”

I groan. Mom has been on the baby hunt lately.

“You make Jenna babies because Karen’s not the one. I’m not in love with her. Not even close.”

Jenna sighs. “Ben, I love you. Hell, I love Cate too. And I loved Drew. But if you both don’t snap out of it, you might as well have died with him.”

If anyone else had said that, I would have hung up or hurled several curse words because what she said is like a slap across my face.

“I know.” I barely choke out the words.

“Maybe you should talk to someone, a therapist.”

A therapist. I can almost feel Drew standing there in agreement with my sister. He would have choice words for me if he was here. But that’s the point. He’s not. And he should be. I close my eyes feeling his loss as if it happened yesterday.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” She sighs like she’s won. “Anyway, it’s better this way. I’m no good for anyone. I’ll never be Drew.”

“Ben—”

“Stop, Jenna. Don’t set me up with any more of your friends unless they want to be f*cked.” I mean that in more ways than one. “That’s all I have to give.”

“Ben—”