A Mess of a Man (Cruel & Beautiful #2)(11)

“Don’t ‘Britney’ me. You don’t call, text, or f*cking acknowledge my presence.”

Because I want to forget I ever f*cked you. I shrug, keeping my words to myself.

She points a finger in my direction and it f*cking sucks to know I’m about to get bitch-slapped and can’t do shit about it. The girl can outbench half the guys here, but if I lay a finger on her, I’m an abuser.

“Hey,” comes from my beautiful savior. “Are you ready for lunch?”

Jackie, a friend who refuses to date any guy at the gym, sidles up to me, taking my arm. She smoothly diffuses the situation.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Jackie’s hot. And her tits are nice, even if on the smaller side. She’s not who I normally go for, but maybe she’s my answer for tomorrow night.

When we get to her car, I take a chance.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?”

She grins at me in that we’re just friends kind of way.

“You are too smooth for words.”

“Then agree to go out with me. You’ll be doing me a huge favor.”

Before I can explain, she shakes her head. “I’m dating someone now.”

I sigh, because having her on my arm on Monday could totally make the evening go far better. I feign shock. “Who is this guy? I have to beat his ass.”

She laughs and I can see why guys go for her other than the fact that she’s the only holdout from the gym bunnies.

“Yeah, right. Even if I weren’t, I so wouldn’t go out with you.”

Now my shock is real. I’m not conceited, but I don’t typically have trouble getting a girl to go out with me.

“You are super cute.” I arch a brow, waiting to hear what she says next. “Okay, too cute. And that’s why I could never go there. You would completely break my heart. But thanks for asking. You’ve totally given my ego a boost.”

“And now your boyfriend will reap the rewards.”

She grins and gets in her car. I watch her pull out before heading to my own. My thoughts switch to the woman I met in the produce section of all places. I’d asked her out for Monday night, not wanting to wait to see her. But I can’t take her to a business meeting.

I glance back at the gym. There are a couple of girls there I’ve hooked up with a few times. They are options, but then again, I don’t want to go there. Britney stands in front of the picture window glaring at me. I decide it’s time to put in a home gym and let my membership lapse.

Jenna’s place isn’t far and I head straight there. A sleepy Cate answers the door in flannel pajamas as if it were winter.

“Sexy, Cate,” I whisper in her ear as I give her a bear hug. She playfully slaps at my shoulder, so I decide to make her laugh because I know she needs it. “Marry me, Cate, in your minion PJs.”

She laughs and it’s so good to hear. Jenna’s been in my ear about how Cate isn’t fairing as well as Drew wanted.

“I can’t marry you.” I couldn’t marry her either. “You’re like my brother.” Too true, still, I can’t help but tease her.

“Oh, I don’t know. It could be like Blue Lagoon.”

It’s the story of two kids marooned on an island and with no one else to fulfill their growing hormones, they eventually turn to one another. For a boy who hadn’t seen a naked girl when Drew and I snuck and watched it, we laughed until we were mesmerized by a young and bare-chested Brooke Shields.

She stares at me and I realize she has no idea of the movie I’m talking about. I shouldn’t be surprised. The movie is older than us both. My dad had an old VHS player and that was one of the movies there for the watching.

Drew and I eventually watched it again for old times’ sake late one night after Cate had fallen asleep and we were both higher than the sky. He’d died a few short days later. The memory shakes me. I pull back from Cate all of a sudden, overcome by Drew’s loss again. I see him in that f*cking hospital bed near death worrying about everyone but himself. I scrub my face hoping she can’t see the wetness from the burn I feel in the back of my eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I say. “Is Jenna around?”

It’s a weak attempt to change the subject. Cate isn’t buying it. She shakes her head slowly and the room fills with pain and loss.

“Maybe I should go.”

She grabs my arm. “No, please.”

In her eyes, my grief shines back at me. Then she has me in a bear hug. “It’s okay, Ben. I miss him too.”

I pull her in trying to hold back the emotion. I miss the f*cker like I’d miss both of my kidneys.

We stand there for a period of time that doesn’t seem to matter. How can it when we both can’t move past the loss? Finally, she steps back and with a soft touch, wipes the tears I hadn’t known left my eyes. We don’t talk. We find that quiet place between us no one else can possibly understand. She gives me a tight smile and steps into the kitchen. Food. It’s what we did a lot of in the end. Mostly, we ate trying to encourage Drew to do so as he wasted away while the cancer slowly ravaged his body.

She fixes us lunch and we sit huddled together watching TV. I hold her hand and she leans into me. And I wonder if Drew is watching us shaking his head. He would so disapprove because we aren’t doing what he wanted, and that was to live.