A Little Bit Sinful(52)

Lady Weaver nodded. “True, but I don’t believe the Americans put much stock in their reputations else the girl would not have been out without a chaperone. Let this be a lesson to you girls.”

“Yes, mother,” Ella said. She gave Clarissa a sly smile.

Clarissa smiled in return, but she couldn’t help wondering what would happen to Jane Pendergast. Would another man step forward to marry her now that she’d had her engagement dissolved? Yes, it was a good thing that men of title did the honorable thing, but it still seemed a little sad considering Lord Rutherford and Jane had seemed quite enamored of one another.

Right now Clarissa knew if she allowed her heart to choose, she’d be back at Justin’s house tonight. There was no denying that she had feelings for him and that he clearly desired her. But she couldn’t afford to fall into another scandal with him. There were those that wouldn’t have survived the rumors that had surged after Clarissa had visited Justin at his gaming hell. Thankfully, Vivian had smoothed things over and Clarissa’s reputation had remained unscathed. It was one thing to dally with a gentleman knowing he would be honor-bound to marry you, but to engage in an affair with a man who had no said obligation was downright foolish.

“Sounds like a very exciting evening,” Clarissa said. She’d almost asked Justin Rodale to make love to her so anything Ella or her mother had to tell her seemed to pale in comparison.

Ella shook her head. “An understatement, and I still can’t believe you missed it. Where were you?”

“I went home early with a headache.”

Ella looked at her with a slight frown as if she did not believe what Clarissa said. But she would not inquire further in front of her mother. They arrived on Bond Street and began their shopping. It didn’t take too long for Clarissa to hear several different versions of the story from the night before. Everyone was talking about it.

Ella was able to sneak over to Clarissa while her mother talked to the milliner about a new hat. “Where were you?” Then she paused and her mouth opened wide. “Were you out kissing George? Oh, or Mr. Rodale?”

“I did kiss George, though not last night,” Clarissa said quietly. She hadn’t yet told her friend the details of her kiss with George because so much had happened. And she still didn’t understand her own reaction to said kiss.

“And?”

She had thought she loved George, once upon a time. Well, she was still fond of him, she knew that much. Though now when she thought of love, George was not the first name that came to mind. Everything had seemed so concrete in her mind a few short weeks ago. Now it was all muddled. But what to tell Ella? Clarissa wasn’t generally in the habit of lying to her friend.

“Your silence tells me everything,” Ella said. “Your heart knows what it wants, Clarissa. There is no reason to deny it.”

“I’m not so certain it’s that simple. What if what my heart wants, my heart can’t have?” Then she shook her head. “There’s no reason to answer that.” Regardless of the pull she felt to Justin, they could never be. Theirs was not the kind of love match she’d read about in Jane Austen novels. Clarissa was no Elizabeth Bennet, and Justin was certainly no Mr. Darcy. If anything he was more like Mr. Wickham.

No, no he was far more honorable than that.

Yet she felt certain that if she pursued Justin, she would end up ruined and heartbroken. Whereas George would do the right thing, he would have to, he was the heir to a viscount. People knew he’d courted her. Not only that, but it had become quite clear she could no longer trust herself with Justin. If he asked her those questions again, she might say yes. Not that he’d asked for anything permanent. No, she had yet to be able to evoke that manner of response from any man. Perhaps she merely hadn’t done it the right way.

It was time for her to take action. If she was to marry George, she needed to give him that extra push to make the commitment. Tonight’s ball would be the perfect time. People would still be reeling about recent events. It would be all anyone was talking about. Until tonight.

Until Clarissa Kincaid compromised herself.

…

Everything was planned to perfection, and even though the entire scenario made Clarissa feel slightly nauseated, she felt certain it would all work. By the end of the night she should very well be engaged. She scanned the ballroom looking for her future intended. He stood across the room next to Ella’s brother and two other gentlemen. They had glasses in their hands and held them up every now and again in an almost salute to one another. Men were strange creatures.