A List of Cages(35)

Gus and I are saying our good-byes when I spot Charlie and convince him we should go outside and find that labyrinth our teacher kept telling us about—the one modeled after the eight-hundred-year-old Chartres Cathedral in France, the most intricate labyrinth design ever created.

After a twenty-minute cold gray hike, Charlie and I reach our destination. “Well, this sucks,” he says.

I agree, the labyrinth is a little disappointing. I was expecting something from The Shining—you know, a complicated maze of tall green hedges with plenty of corners to hide in. Instead it looks like a massive pagan crop circle, only the swirls are made of red and black stone tiles winding until you reach the center.

“It’s not even a real maze,” he whines. “There’s only one way to go.” He’s right. There aren’t options, just a single path. After a minute of looping around, he yells, “This is dumb!” and stomps over the lines.

“Cheating!”

“I don’t care. I’m going back in. It’s cold.”

I ignore him and keep walking the maze. It’s impossible to tell how far I am from the center. As soon as I think I’m close, the path forces me back down and around again.

I hear soft footsteps behind me, and glance over my shoulder. Emerald. She doesn’t look at me and keeps walking, her shoulders back and her strides long. Maybe this is why she’s always fascinated me. She seems so perfectly contained, while I feel like I’m spilling out of every pore.

The two of us weave in and out—at one point she’s only a line away—but we still don’t talk.

It takes a while, but finally I make it. I stand in the center, looking out over the vast field and foggy sky. When Emerald joins me in the middle, she glances around, a brief flicker of triumph in her eyes before they fill with hurt. Whatever Brett did, he’s an idiot.

She turns, already leaving.

“Wait,” I say. “Don’t go yet.” She pauses. “I haven’t seen you in a while. I mean I’ve seen you, but we haven’t talked. It feels like a divorce or something. Like we’re all gonna be sent to different families.”

“And which side will you be on?” she asks.

“What do you mean?”

“If it’s a divorce, I guess you’ll be on Camila’s side.”

“Why would you say that?”

“I know what happened between you two, Adam. I saw you.”

“You saw us kissing?”

“It looked like more than kissing.” It probably would’ve been if Camila hadn’t puked on the floor of my car about five seconds after shoving her hand down my pants. “Are you two going out now?”

“No.”

“But you liked kissing her?” Her tone’s way too intense, and even though she hasn’t moved, I feel like I’m being driven toward the edge of a cliff.

“Well, yeah, of course I liked it. Why are you—”

“She knows I like you!” Emerald never does anything undignified, but here she is, shouting so loud it echoes.

“Wait, what?”

“Camila knows, and she kissed you.”

“But you’re going out with Brett.”

“Oh God. You don’t get anything!” She spins around and I follow, landing in front of her so we’re still face-to-face.

“I don’t get what?”

“There is no Brett.”

“There is no Brett?”

“No.”

“But Brett has such a detailed backstory. I feel like I know Brett.”

“There is no Brett!” Her eyes shine with tears, her chest is heaving, and bright blotches of color stain her cheeks. This is the most emotional I’ve ever seen her.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“This is humiliating.”

“What is?”

“I was trying to make you jealous, but you’re incapable of normal guy feelings.”

“Wait…does Camila know there’s no Brett?”

“Everyone knows there’s no Brett! Can you please focus?”

“So you like me?”

She looks at the ground. “Yes.”

“Really like me?”

The blush spreads from her cheeks down her neck, so dark I can barely see her little moles. “Yes.”

“Since…”

“Forever. Since forever.” She makes eye contact, and she’s so beautiful, my chest hurts like asthma or a heart attack.

Her eyes widen, a perfect startled blue, when I press my lips into hers. Not very smoothly either. She presses back, just as clumsy. For a minute it’s like that—rough and messy like we’re doing this for survival instead of fun.

Then I’m touching her hair and slowing down, and it becomes something softer and deeper. She pulls her head back just a little, so our mouths are no longer touching. Her eyes darken, steady laser beams on mine, and it’s as if she’s about to tell me the most important thing I’ll ever hear. She takes a breath. Exhales. But doesn’t speak.

I cup her cheeks with my palms and kiss her again. I wish there were tall green hedges with lots of corners to hide in, but this time for entirely different reasons. We keep kissing and I can feel her lips smiling against mine.