A Headstrong Woman(3)
She was standing opposite Elijah again, her insides doing somersaults as she anticipated his kiss, her first real kiss. She felt his warm breath on her cheek as his arms closed around her, could smell the garlic from what he had last eaten at the reception. His lips had been warm on hers and had sent her jittering nerves into high gear. Then suddenly she was chilled, so cold as he abruptly stepped away from her, his arms held stiffly at his sides. His face was horror stricken.
“I’m sorry, Alexandria, I thought I could do this but I can’t.”
He had turned and left the room then and left Alexandria to stare after him. His words slowly registered in her mind and took up permanent residence there. They replayed in her mind every time she faced herself in the mirror.
Alexandria wiped impatiently at her wet cheeks and turned her back on the taunting images opposite her. Elijah had claimed his clothes from the room and moved into a room down the hall. The only thing Alexandria could figure was that Elijah had married her to be a mother to Lilly.
She loved Lilly, had loved the child ever since the day she was born, however she wanted to be more than a wife in name only and a step-mom. She wanted to love and be loved and she wanted babies of her own; the thought of never having that nearly took her breath away.
“It’s done now,” she muttered to herself as she dressed in a simple skirt and shirt. After braiding her hair she crossed the hall into Lilly’s room and woke the sleeping child to dress her for the day. She truly did love this little girl.
“I’m hungry,” Lilly announced as they descended the stairs, her blue eyes still more asleep than alert. Her white blonde hair was restrained in braids at the moment but Alexandria knew that by lunch, curls would be escaping to frame Lilly’s sweet face, lending her a cherubic appearance. Yes, she loved this child; did she love this child enough for that to be her entire future?
“I’m sure Millie has breakfast almost ready,” Alexandria assured the child as they neared the kitchen.
She entered to find Millie bustling about as she prepared to set the breakfast table. An older woman, ample in frame, Millie had graying dark blonde hair and warm brown eyes. When Alexandria had first arrived, Elijah had instructed her in the proper way to handle servants. Alexandria’s family had never had more than seasonal field hands in their employ; the idea of a servant was foreign to Alexandria. Elijah had no more than given Alexandria his spiel on servants and then taken her to meet Millie, than Alexandria had promptly discarded his rules and set out to befriend Millie.
She had learned that Millie had been hired when the mysterious illness that had plagued Martha had first over taken her. Alexandria supposed she had already known that. She had vague remembrances of Elijah and her dad talking about the renovations he was making to the house. Elijah had converted the formal dining room of his large home into living quarters for his newly acquired help. She had also learned that despite the air of formality Martha and Millie maintained that Millie had cared quite deeply for the first Mrs. Morris.
Elijah didn’t seem particularly pleased that she had befriended the proper house keeper but when he had made his protest she had silently raised her chin in challenge and he had not pressed the matter. If she didn’t befriend Millie who was she supposed to talk with? Elijah? Their conversations had become stilted exchanges of information on Lilly or need to know matters of house business. Maybe she could befriend the hands that Elijah wouldn’t let her anywhere near? Alexandria was now miles away from her mother and sister and the warm camaraderie they had shared day in and day out as they worked. All of her days growing up in the vast, beautiful landscape where neighbors were measured in miles between homes rather than blocks, had not prepared her the isolation of an empty, loveless marriage.
“Good morning,” Elijah greeted as he entered the kitchen where the two women were working in companionable silence while Lilly nibbled on a piece of toast.
“Good morning,” Alexandria returned coolly before handing him a cup of coffee. Elijah, his eyes dark with regret, nodded and turned to the table and his daughter. Alexandria caught Millie’s understanding gaze and busied herself with taking the biscuits from the oven. Of course Millie knew the state of Alexandria and Elijah’s pathetic excuse for a marriage; it would be impossible for her not to notice their separate rooms.
“Here we are,” Millie set a bowl of breakfast potatoes onto the table. “Will there be anything else?”
“Join us, Millie,” Alexandria invited almost desperately. She managed to cajole Millie into joining them as often as she could; any buffer between her and her husband was welcome.