A Headstrong Woman(112)

***



Alexandria lay in the circle of her husband’s arms aware that things had definitely just changed between them. She would no longer be able to pick and choose what to share and what not to share, not that she had ever been too good at it to begin with. Jonathon dropped a kiss on her neck and pulled her closer. Alexandria had never felt closer to a person than she did at that moment. It was both exhilarating and frightening. She also felt more vulnerable than she ever had in her life. She had believed herself in love with Elijah and may have been, she still debated that, but already in the short few hours since her marriage to Jonathon she felt more married than she ever had in the several months of her marriage to Elijah. It wasn’t just the intimate aspect to marriage, though that certainly played a role, it was Jonathon’s thoughtfulness and consideration of her feelings; the way he treated her in general.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Jonathon remarked. Alexandria shifted until she had her elbow on the bed and her head lay against her hand.

“Why were you so insistent on marrying me?” she asked him. Jonathon considered her a moment and pushed a lock of hair off her face.

“Besides the fact that I find you beautiful?” he asked her. Alexandria frowned but nodded. “And besides the fact that we get along well and are great friends who are both benefiting from this marriage?”

“Are those your only reasons?” she asked him.

Jonathon smiled lightly and shook his head. “What kind of man attracts you, Alexandria?” It was an odd question to ask your spouse, but the circumstances of their marriage left room for doubt.

Alexandria frowned at him.

“I mean, in the past,” he added.

“I never really suffered from a lot of crushes. There was Robert; he was a flirt kind of like your brother; only he wasn’t genuinely nice under all the flattery. He got a little too friendly; I think his treatment of me kept me from being more interested in boys than I was. Then with Elijah I wasn’t really attracted to him as much as he made me feel needed and useful. The only other guy I ever had a crush on, and no one knows this by the way, was the last teacher I had in school. He was straight from university and I was more drawn to his intellect.”

“So you’ve never been attracted to the whole package? What about physically? Has there ever been someone you were drawn to, you know, that there was just chemistry between you and that person?”

“You,” she answered honestly. Jonathon looked surprised. “I don’t know, it’s more than just a physical attraction though, because…” she paused as she searched for the right words, “I feel very comfortable and safe with you and like you understand me better than most people,” she told him. Jonathon’s heart swelled at her words.

Alexandria laid her head against his shoulder before continuing. “The first time you kissed me I wanted to pretend it didn’t matter but it did something to me. I didn’t know that I could feel like that, I didn’t want to know I could feel like that. I hate feeling vulnerable,” she confided.

“I feel a connection to you too, Alexandria. That’s why I couldn’t let you marry a stranger. I think that connection means something I want to find out what. Besides, believe me when I say that I am very attracted to you and more than a little jealous.”

“Jealous?” she tilted her head back to peer up at him.

“Of other guys who notice you. That kiss did something to me too, Alexandria,” he admitted to her before kissing her forehead.

Alexandria felt warmth flood her. She felt loved and protected, but it scared her because he couldn’t love her. He might be attracted to her but he hadn’t said he loved her. Alexandria, her eyes stinging, rolled over. She hated herself for her weakness. They were fond of each other, shared a bond, but there’s was an agreement, not a love match.

“Hey what’s wrong?” Jonathon pulled her back close when she started to scoot away from him.

Alexandria debated her answer before answering honestly.

“I feel exposed,” she referred to her raw emotions.

“Me too,” he agreed.

Alexandria closed her eyes and forced her mind to still.

***



Alexandria woke to her husband dressing for the day and watched him without his knowledge. He glanced up and noted her a moment later; a smile spread across his face.

“Good morning,” he greeted her. “I was just debating whether to leave you a note or wake you.”