A Family of Their Own(64)
Grateful when the shower stopped, Kelsey rose and pulled out her nightgown. She refused to wallow in her bad choices and mistakes. She’d blamed Doug so long that she’d overlooked her own part in undoing any hope for a relationship after their divorce. Divorce had been a word she’d learned to dismiss. It wouldn’t happen to her, a Christian. But it had and, unknowingly, she’d remained faithful to a dead marriage.
Today she would be free from the bonds of her oath to Doug, but the thought gave her no pleasure. Instead, she’d faced what she had to do. Now she needed to figure out how.
Lucy came out from her shower with rosy cheeks and climbed into bed. She fell asleep before Kelsey had slipped into the bathroom.
Kelsey didn’t linger in the shower. She greeted the bed, snapped off the light and slid under the covers, her prayers rising for answers and for a night of rest.
At the funeral luncheon, Doug’s father and sister chose seats across from Lucy, and though Kelsey felt uncomfortable, she accepted the situation. They seemed to know a few people there, and he was Lucy’s grandfather and she, Lucy’s aunt. They’d talked about a few things, and she found that neither one harbored any grudges. In fact, Doug’s father apologized for his son’s actions. Over the years, he had never offered any solace or comment on the breakup of her and Doug’s marriage, and the only attention he and his wife had paid to Lucy was an occasional card with a check. Doug’s parents apparently focused on his sister’s children, who were nearby and didn’t remind them of Doug’s behavior. She sensed, too, that they didn’t know how to deal with Lucy’s illness. Though she’d resented their avoidance for years, those feelings had fallen by the wayside when she had more trying situations to face.
Guests stopped by periodically to give their condolences to Lucy, and they also spoke to her. As time passed, Kelsey found it easier to accept their sympathy and made a point to show Lucy how many people loved her father.
Distracted, Kelsey didn’t notice Karen at her side until she spoke. “I hope you’ll stick around before leaving for home.” Tension etched her face. Her former friend had not only lost her husband but now had to face the friend she’d betrayed.
“Well, I’d planned to—”
“I have a few items I’d like to give Lucy that belonged to her dad. You know, so she remembers.”
Her voice caught, and sorrow knotted in Kelsey’s throat. She’d been unable to speak with Karen alone with so many mourners around. Even last night, visitors stayed and offered to take her out to eat. It left no time for them to talk, but this invitation opened the door that Kelsey dreaded, yet knew the Lord wanted her to step inside. “I’ll wait as long as I can. We have a three-hour drive home.”
“I know.” She scanned the tables at the lovely restaurant she’d chosen. “See.” She made a fleeting gesture toward them. “Many people are leaving. It shouldn’t be long.”
Kelsey gazed at Lucy, her eyes shifting from her to Karen as she listened. “Would you like to see what Karen has for you?”
She nodded. “She’s giving me some of Daddy’s things.”
“That’s nice, isn’t it?”
Relief touched Karen’s face, and she walked away to say goodbye to those ready to leave.
Lucy dug into the dessert that she’d only played with—very unusual for her. But Kelsey leaned back with no interest in her dessert or the food they’d served. Her stomach had been churning all morning. The funeral broke her heart. Doug had not been an active Christian, but he’d occasionally attended church, and she considered him a believer. Sitting at his funeral and hearing references that he’d gone to a better place and he’d remain as the wind in the trees tore her in two. What about heaven and everlasting life? Where had that been in this funeral empty of hope and with nothing to provide Karen with a sense of peace and comfort?
Her cheek ticked with the anguish she felt. Kelsey wanted to remind Karen of the solace she could find laying her burdens at Jesus’s feet. The thoughts hurt too much, and she forced her mind to let it drop for now. But instead, her thoughts of faith reminded her that she’d come to offer forgiveness, and she’d yet to be confident that it came, as Ross had said, from the heart.
After breakfast before they had left for the funeral, she’d opened the Gideon’s Bible she found in a dresser drawer. As she scanned the pages in the Gospel books, the theme of forgiveness jumped from the pages. Every verse reminded her that if she forgave, the Lord would forgive her, but she didn’t want forgiveness because she was afraid of not being forgiven. She knew the Lord had forgiven her sins. It was His promise. Yet her own peace of mind, her own expression of faith knew that forgiveness was expected of Christians. Forgive your enemies. She’d read that a multitude of times.