A Family of Their Own(63)
Ross didn’t try to answer her question. It was one she had to answer herself, but he believed she could if she remembered how forgiven she and all God’s children have been by His mercy.
She rose and rested her cheek against his shoulder, her arms holding him close, and they stood in the silence, each with their own thoughts. He remained silent, and then he heard her soft voice shudder the three difficult words. “From the heart.”
Kelsey gripped the steering wheel. The day had been long, and Lucy’s tears twisted her heart so tightly she could barely breathe. She glanced at her daughter, strapped in beside her, her head nodding in exhausted sleep. Facing Karen had torn her to bits, but standing beside Doug’s coffin draped with a Dear Husband bouquet had rendered her nearly helpless. She’d contained her tears until she escaped to the restroom, where she released the flood of memories and pain for Lucy.
He had aged, gaunt and pale even with the assistance of the funeral home, the strain of death clearly visible on his face. A bolt of regret raced through her. Regret that she hadn’t shown more compassion to Karen, and deep regret that she hadn’t spoken to Doug when she brought Lucy for a visit. Such a small gesture, yet it might have let him know that her life had moved forward. She was fine. Her love for him had died years earlier.
The lights of the motel signaled her to turn into the entrance driveway. She rolled around to the side and parked, then sat a moment gazing at Lucy, no longer her little girl but almost a teenager. A new wave of pain rolled over her. Monday they would face the specialist and hear the report. Lucy’s new problem overwhelmed her. They’d lived with a tentative kind of confidence, but one that grew surer every day. But now her confidence had fluttered away like dry leaves.
Ross swept into her mind, brushing away her darker thoughts. She could count on him. The more she pondered the situation, the more she knew she’d made a great mistake listening to others and taking what they said to heart. Her heart counted more…and Ross’s heart, too. Real love stood strong in times of desperation and trials, no matter what conflicts lay in its path. How often had she thought the same thing after Doug had walked out. If their love had been strong, nothing could have pulled him away from his devotion to his wife and daughter.
Real love. Now to face whether what she felt for Ross was real or something else. She’d experienced the emotion of love in his arms and the joy of partnership in their good times and bad. She longed to be with him even now, to feel his arms around her, supporting her and making her feel cherished. To Kelsey, that felt like real love.
Shaking her head, Kelsey ignored her thoughts. She pulled the car keys from the ignition. A room waited for her.
“Lucy.” She laid her hand on Lucy’s arm.
She opened her eyes, a glazed look curtaining her face before she jerked upward and blinked. “I fell asleep.”
“You did, but that’s okay. It’s been a difficult day for you…for us.”
Lucy’s lids lowered and opened. “I wish Daddy hadn’t died.”
“So do I.” A chill ran down her arms. She meant what she’d said. That would have given her time to forgive him and might have opened a door for Doug to be a better father to Lucy. Regret. Regret. The emotion belonged to the past. The past was over and gone. Now she faced the future and regret should be replaced with wiser decisions and better choices.
She opened the door and slipped from her sedan. Lucy followed. Kelsey hit the lock button and pulled her room key from her pocket. She slipped it into the outside door’s lock and it clicked open. She beckoned Lucy to go in first. The room was a short distance down the hallway, and when she turned on the light, loneliness overcame her.
Tonight Karen would go home and crawl into an empty bed, knowing Doug would never be back to keep her warm. Kelsey had experienced that same sadness once. Yet tonight instead of the bitterness she’d clung to for so long, sorrow had washed it away. She grieved for Karen and Lucy’s loss.
Kelsey looked up as Lucy carried her pajamas into the bathroom. In moments, the shower sounded, and Kelsey settled into the only easy chair and closed her eyes. She dreaded tomorrow. Because Doug and Karen had no church connection, the funeral would be held at the funeral home. Doug’s father and sister had come for the funeral, and she’d spoken to them, but it had been years. She’d been sad to learn that Doug’s mother had died from cancer three years ago. Doug had never told her. Or maybe she hadn’t listened. The weight of that possibility dragged her back into a dark place.