A Christmas Night to Remember(47)
And then Zeke had swept into her life, turning it upside down and challenging all the rules she’d lived by. Her heart thudded, panic uppermost, but she wasn’t sure if it was the thought of walking away from him that caused the churning or the fact of how stupid she had been in not making the most of these past few hours when she could still touch and caress him. Why was she sitting on a bench in the middle of a London street when she could be in his arms? Time was so short.
Her toes clenched in her boots but she remained sitting where she was and gradually the panic subsided. She was here because she needed to think. She had been thinking non-stop since the accident, but not coolly or unemotionally. Anything but. She had been jolted to her core and every single thing in her life had been shaken.
It might have been better if she’d been allowed to cry, to sob and howl the frustration and pain at what the accident had taken away from her out of her system, but she had learnt early on that crying unsettled and disturbed the nursing staff. She supposed it had disempowered them in some way, made them feel they weren’t doing their job, and because they had all been wonderful to her she’d repressed her grief and got on with the process of building her body. It had satisfied them at least.
A gust of wind feathered the snow on a tree inside the park, missing the ones on either side. She stared at the cascade of white as the cold chilled her skin.
How many times had she asked herself, why her? Why had she had this happen to her? Why had the one thing in her life she was any good at been taken from her? But it was useless thinking like that—as useless as that tree complaining to the wind. And it wasn’t even true. She was beginning to see that.
Melody was getting cold, but she still sat, her thoughts buzzing. Dancing had been her whole life from as long as she could remember, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t be good at something else if she tried. She just never had. Although she might not be able to dance any more, she could teach. At the back of her mind she had always imagined herself doing that one day, just not so soon. She’d thought she would ease herself into it, not have it presented as a fait accompli. But why fight it? The accident had happened. End of story.
And Zeke? Could Zeke possibly fit into this new life?
It was as though a separate part of herself was speaking, forcing her to confront the real issue.
It was one thing to decide their marriage was over in the clinical unreal surroundings of the hospital, where life was measured in the regimented hours of an institution, quite another when she was presented by Zeke himself. Dancing had been a vital part of her life, but Zeke—Zeke had been her world. From the first date they’d enjoyed each other’s company more than anyone else’s, and the intimate side of their relationship had been everything she could have wanted and more. He’d been affectionate and tactile on a day-to-day basis too, often sending her texts out of the blue to say he was thinking of her, and meeting her out of work for lunch or in the evening when she wasn’t expecting it.
Her mind grappled with the memories pouring in now she had allowed the floodgates to open. Making love till dawn. Walking on the beach at midnight at the villa in Madeira. Zeke at the stove, cooking breakfast as naked as the day he was born. The list was endless, and after keeping such a tight rein on her mind for the past months she was now powerless to stop the tide. She simply sat, her head spinning and her thoughts bringing a spiralling vortex of emotion that made it difficult to breathe as the sky lightened and dawn began to break.
A new day was dawning, but Melody was anchored to the past, and in spite of her brave thoughts about the future she simply couldn’t see a way forward which included Zeke. Their life had been in the spotlight, and because of who he was and the business he’d built up so painstakingly it would continue to be. And something fundamental had changed in her.
Could they function together as a couple, with Zeke living his life and her living a completely different one? Separate not just in their work but in their social life too? She didn’t think so. It was a recipe for disaster, however you looked at it.
And so she continued to sit under a pearly white sky, a small figure all alone, huddled up on her bench.
CHAPTER TEN
‘NOW, I could be wrong, but something tells me you could do with a nice cup of tea, dear. You look frozen to death.’
For a moment Melody couldn’t focus on the small plump woman who had sat down beside her on the bench, an equally small and plump dog flopping at his owner’s feet. She stared into the rosy face vacantly. ‘I’m sorry?’ she murmured.