You've Reached Sam (36)

The music is so loud I can’t hear anything. I stand in the back near the bar, holding my water. Sam’s friend Spencer is supposed to be going up any minute now. Their band is called the Fighting Poets. I asked them earlier if it was a reference to Emily Dickinson, but they said “No!”

Sam has been chatting for a while with some guys we met earlier. I look around for Mika, but it’s too crowded here. Maybe there’s a line at the bathroom. I should have gone with her. Now I’m just standing here, keeping to myself, trying to block out the obscenely loud music.

And then it happens.

A man comes up behind me. His hands slither around my waist.

Shock moves through me and I feel sick to my stomach. I spin around.

“Don’t touch me.”

He’s younger than I thought he would be. Probably in college. He has this nasty smirk on his face I want to slap off. I can’t tell if he’s drunk but that doesn’t matter.

Sam appears.

“What’s going on here? Are you bothering her?”

“Is that your girl?” the guy slurs. “Why don’t you tell her to chill out.”

Sam instinctively shoves him away from me. But I wish he hadn’t. We’re seventeen and not allowed to be in here. I don’t want to cause a scene.

The guy finds his balance. He shoves Sam back with double the force, and Sam goes stumbling back into some stools and falls over. Everyone around us has turned to see what’s going on. Sam picks himself up and comes back for more, this time more furious.

I grab his arm.

“Sam. Don’t.”

This is when Mika shows up. She must have seen everything from a distance, because she’s shouting at the guy, telling him to apologize.

I’ll never forget what happens next.

The guy throws a punch at Sam, but Mika catches his arm like an arrow. She holds a strong grip on the guy’s wrist, which seems to surprise everyone—especially him. This is the night I learned Mika helps teach a women’s self-defense class at the YMCA. Mika twists his hand to the point of breaking it, sending him to his knees.

“So you like harassing girls,” Mika shouts. “Apologize!”

“Alright! Sorry! Now let go!”

But it didn’t matter whether he apologized or not. Mika lifts her other hand and delivers a final blow, sending him to the floor. I remember everyone around us cheering. Mika taught me that same move a few weeks later.

There are so many moments I wish I could relive again. Especially the smaller ones. The quieter ones that we often don’t think about. Those are the moments I look back and miss the most. Us sitting on the floor in Sam’s room doing homework together, or watching movie musicals in Mika’s living room on the weekends. Or that time we decided to grab blankets and bring them to the backyard to watch the sunrise together, for no reason. We stayed up all night, talking about what we wanted to do ten years from now, waiting to see that burning red glow curve along a dark sky, oblivious to the significance of seeing another day. And oblivious to a future when one of us would be gone.





CHAPTER EIGHT


NOW

I wake up the next morning to a text from Mika.

Hey. I’m outside.

I rub my eyes and blink away sleepiness. What’s she doing here so early? As I think about this, a gasp escapes me as I remember. The candlelight vigil! I was supposed to meet her last night and help out. But I fell asleep and completely forgot. She probably came here to talk face-to-face. I need to respond.

Okay. Be right down.

I brush my teeth, get dressed fast, and skip breakfast. When I come outside, I find Mika sitting alone on the porch step with her back facing me. Her head leans against the porch rail as she stares out at the lawn. She doesn’t say anything when I step out.

“I didn’t know you were coming…” I say.

No response.

“Are you okay?”

Mika doesn’t turn around. She doesn’t look at me.

I take a seat on the porch beside her. An air of silence hovers between us. She must be angry with me. “I’m really sorry about last night. I completely forgot we were supposed to meet. I feel so terrible, Mika.”

“I really thought you’d show up,” she says. “I was waiting for you. I made everyone wait.”

“I’m so sorry…” I don’t know what else to say.

“I tried calling you. Why didn’t you answer?”

I think back to last night. I’m not sure what came over me. I must have left my phone at home when I drove up and down route 10, looking for Sam. And I remember falling asleep as soon as I got back. But I can’t tell Mika any of this. She’ll think I’m crazy.

“It wasn’t on purpose,” I say. “I just fell asleep early. I don’t have an excuse. I’m sorry.”

“If you didn’t care about going, you should have said so.”

“Mika, I really did—”

“No you didn’t,” she cuts me off. Then she looks at me, her voice sharp. “If you really cared, you would have gone to everything else. But you didn’t. I don’t know why I keep expecting you to.” She leans her head back against the rail, sending a pain through me. “It doesn’t even matter anyway. You were right all along.”

“What do you mean? Right about what?”