Written with Regret (The Regret Duet #1)(72)

Her mouth fell open, but her skeptical gaze jumped back to mine. “That’s it? That’s our talk? We did something epically stupid. Now, let’s burn through that last condom?”

“Well, I mean, it’s not actually the last condom. As far as I know, the apocalypse hasn’t happened since I got here. The drugstore will have more.”

She once again stilled my hand at her breast. “Caven, I’m serious. I panicked tonight after I accidentally sent you those texts because I was afraid you’d be mad and take Rosalee away from me. You have all the control in this situation, and as much as I loved every single second of what just happened between us, the not knowing what you’re thinking scares me.”

The idea of her being scared or thinking I was going to use Rosalee to punish her if I got mad felt like a punch to the gut. “Look, it’s been a long time since I’ve had any kind of relationship. I don’t even know what kind of guy I am anymore. But I know I’m not that kind of father. Whatever happens between us or whatever doesn’t, I’ll never use her as a pawn.”

“I didn’t mean to insinuate that you would, but I just can’t get a read on you all the time. It’s like you can’t decide if you hate me or if you want to tear my clothes off.”

“Yes. It’s exactly like that.” I flipped onto my back, draped an arm around her shoulders, and jostled her into my side. “A few weeks ago, I didn’t know how I felt, either. I haven’t felt in control of any part of this situation since the day I saw you in my backyard. And for a guy like me, whose entire life has been defined by chaos, that was a paralyzing feeling. I didn’t want you to have anything to do with Rosalee because I was scared. It’s my job to protect her and you were the one person in the entire world with the ability to take her away from me.”

Her head tipped up as it rested on my shoulder. “Caven, I told you I would never—”

“I know what you said, but in my experiences, words are worthless. The man who taught me to ride a bike and kissed my skinned knees…” I paused, moving her hand to my ugly and scarred ab. “He tried to kill me.”

She slid her hand to my hip and gave me a reassuring squeeze. It was sad, but it didn’t feel like pity coming from her.

“Trust is hard for me. I took a leap of faith to let you have visitation against everyone’s advice because that was something I could control. I was prepared to hate you until the end of time. I know we didn’t spend a lot of time together the night we met at the bar. But I didn’t realize this is who you were.” I kissed her forehead. “Fuck me, I was not ready for you. And I mean that as a compliment. You’re sweet. And kind. And generous. When I showed up at your house that day and you dumped that man’s recyclables on your floor because he wouldn’t leave until you took them…” I laughed at the memory. “And the paint. I still have that shirt, ya know? I can’t bring myself to trash it because it makes me smile every damn time I see it.”

Her voice was filled with emotion as she replied, “If you’re going to keep it, I rescind my offer to PayPal you for it. Though, if you ever decide to leak my identity as R.K. Banks, it would probably be worth a fortune.”

I laughed, the high that woman gave me going straight to my head. “And that. Just that. Your smartass answer for everything. You asked Beth on that text when was the last time a man made her laugh. And I thought about it. I couldn’t remember the last time a woman made me laugh.”

She beamed up at me. “Really?”

“Don’t play coy with me. You’re funny. Weird. But funny. And you’re good with Rosalee. She loves you. She did however notice that we eye-fuck across the room during art.”

She sucked in a sharp breath. “Please tell me she did not say eye-fuck.”

“No. But it won’t be long if we don’t address this Jacob issue. Apparently, he’s a love expert.”

“We?” she squeaked.

“Huh?”

“You said we need to address the Jacob issue.”

I knew what she was asking, and I’d meant it when I said it, but that was a conversation for another day. “You won’t let me mail him to China. So, yeah…we are going to have to find an alternate solution for that little shit.”

She tipped her chin down so I could no longer see her face, but the slight shake of her shoulders gave her tears away.

I put my lips in her hair and whispered, “I’m going to keep talking, but I don’t want you to cry through it.”

“Good tears.”

“Ah, okay then. Carry on.”

She giggled just the way I’d hoped and it affected me the way it always did by stretching a smile across my face.

I didn’t speak for several seconds as I relished in the rare taste of happiness I’d found with another adult. I had friends. I had Ian. But nobody truly understood the sour in my life to realize how huge the sweet was when I finally tasted it.

For four years, Rosalee had been my only sweet.

And she was enough. She would always be enough for me.

But it was a different kind of sweet with Hadley.

“I’m happy that you know about my past,” I rushed out like it was a dirty little secret burning the back of my throat. “It makes me a horrible human being, but knowing you were there and that you understand me on a different level has been the most liberating experience of my life. I think it’s why we’re lying here right now. I feel this undeniable connection to you that I can’t shake, and a big part of me doesn’t want to shake it at all because, while I’m almost positive we are a disaster waiting to happen, knowing that someone else actually gets the clusterfuck in my head without me having to explain every agonizing detail, it’s…addicting.”