Wretched (Never After Series)(66)

Except it doesn’t feel good, because this doesn’t feel like home anymore. I don’t think I knew what home was until I found it in her.

“You wanna talk about it?” Rose asks.

“Have you ever been in love?” I blurt.

She sits back in her chair, her red brows shooting up. “Uh…yeah.”

I look up at her. “What’s it feel like?”

“So that’s what this is,” she breathes. “A broken heart.”

Is it? I laugh, bending until my forehead rests on the table. “No, I just… I don’t know.”

She takes a sip of her tea. “I get it, dude. Love fucking sucks.”

“How do you know it’s real?” I whisper, stomach twisting.

“Does it hurt?”

“Like a bitch.”

She smacks her lips. “Then it’s real.”

I don’t say anything, just roll my head back and forth against the cool wood, hoping somehow it will reach inside me and soothe the burn.

“So who fucked it up, you or her?”

“Her. Me.” Another empty laugh pours from my mouth and I sit back up, tugging on the roots of my hair. “I don’t fucking know.”

Rose sips from her tea. “Who is she?”

“She’s this woman—”

“Yeah, I got that,” she cuts in.

I smile softly, biting down the pain that’s breaking me apart when I picture Eveline’s face.

“She’s… she’s everything.” I shake my head. “But she’s not a good person.”

Rose hums. “I find it hard to believe my brother would fall for someone who isn’t worth loving.”

The back of my throat swells until it burns.

“Does she love you?”

“She said she does… did. But I don’t know.” I shrug. “It’s fast.”

Rose’s nails tap against the side of her cup. “You know, I’ve never thanked you for saving me.”

“Don’t thank me,” I mutter.

She swipes her hand in the air. “Don’t do that martyr shit with me, Nicholas.”

“I’m not.” I scoff.

“You always do,” she says. “You’ve shouldered the blame for every single thing that’s happened in our lives when none of it was your fault.” She leans in, her eyes sharp as they stare into mine. “Do you hear me? None of it.”

I press my lips together, trying to hold back the sob that wants to escape.

Her eyes water. “I’m the older sibling. I’m supposed to be the one to protect you. And if you don’t know what it feels like to be loved, then clearly, I failed in that.”

“No,” I say. “The people who put that poison on the streets failed us both. You did the best you could.”

“And you’re doing the best you can too,” she replies.

“Am I? It’s my job to stop them. How can I live with myself for loving someone that represents everything I lost?”

“Oh, Nick,” Rose sighs, resting her chin in her hand. “Did you know I sold once upon a time?”

The breath whooshes out of me and I collapse against the back of my chair. “You… what?”

She nods. “Yeah. I was fucked up, and desperate, and sometimes, it was the only way I could keep enough in my pockets to survive.”

“You were sick. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I knew exactly what I was doing.” She wipes the tears from her cheeks. “Do you hate me now?”

Grabbing her fingers across the table, I squeeze. “Of course not.”

“Right. Because I’m still me.” She sniffs. “We’re all just out here living, you know? Roaming under clouds that are a thousand different shades of gray. But you can’t help who you love, Nick.”

Nodding, I stare down at the table, my rusted heart trying like hell to pump in my chest.

“I’ve watched you exist for a long time now. You go through the motions and you… you pour yourself into your career, trying to make up for mistakes that were never your weight to bear in the first place.”

My bottom lip trembles and I grit my teeth.

“You aren’t to blame for the decisions other people made. The decisions I made.”

I meet her gaze.

“And neither is she.”





“You sure about this?” Seth asks, his tone low and deep.

I blink at him, not saying a word—not having any words—because what else is there?

What’s left for me to say?

I spin around in the desk chair I haven’t sat in for months, staring down at the few framed accolades and the screensaver dancing across the monitor. It feels foreign, as though Nick Woodsworth doesn’t really exist. Like he never really did.

It’s funny how something that felt so intrinsic to who I was for so many years, now feels like a stranger.

“I’m sure,” I reply.

Seth leans on the edge of the gray cubicle wall, nodding. “You know it won’t change much. We won’t stop the case, not until we find what we’re looking for.”

I swallow around the knowledge I’m keeping close to my chest, and I stand up, grabbing my badge and my gun, knowing they’ll need them back when I resign. “I know.”