Woman on the Edge(20)

Tessa sat across from her. “I think your hormones are out of whack and you’re exhausted. And, legally, you’re on maternity leave. Lucinda, the other board members, they can’t do anything about that. When you’re back in three weeks, it will be like you never left. I’ve taken over every project I can, including the brochure launch. All you have to do right now is be a mom.”

“Being a mom is harder than being a CEO.”

Tessa laughed. “That’s only one of the reasons I don’t want kids. I think you’re too hard on yourself.”

Now that she was talking to Tessa about how she felt, the band around her chest loosened. “Lucinda was a bit cold when I called and told her I can’t even work from home right now.”

Tessa snorted. “I’ll bet. She’s a bit of a bitch,” she said, then glanced at the dishes piled next to the sink, crusted with food, the counters stained with coffee, and the dirty bottles lying all over the place. “I’m always here for you, Nicki. Anytime, okay? This is just a bad patch. Things are going to get better.”

Tessa was the only person allowed to call her “Nicki,” the term of endearment her mother used to call her before she died.

Nicole nodded. “Thank you. I know you’re working overtime. And you’re always here. You must have better things to do.”

Tessa waved her off. “I love you, Nic. I’m working at night as much as possible, and I’m happy to help in any way I can. You’d do the same for me.”

Nicole was so grateful to have Tessa. So glad she’d hired the twenty-two-year-old straight out of college. At the time Nicole had been twenty-nine, the same age Tessa was now. She’d never expected to be so close to such a young woman, but Tessa was an old soul.

Quinn reminded them both that she was there. “That girl’s got lungs, huh? Fierce like her mom.” Tessa rocked the vibrating chair with her foot until Quinn calmed down. Then she wet sheets of paper towels, brushed Nicole’s hair away from her forehead, and held them to her temple. “She’s still crying a lot. Have you asked your doctor about it?”

“She said it was probably colic and that the first three months are sometimes hell.”

Tessa giggled. “And there’s reason two I’m happily remaining childless.” Then her face became serious. “Look, it’s really hard to go from a life of work to staying home with a baby all day. You could get a babysitter once in a while. Not a live-in or anything like that, but just during the day.”

Nicole looked into Tessa’s eyes. “You know I can’t do that.”

Tessa nodded sympathetically and knew not to say Donna’s or Amanda’s names. She clearly understood how Quinn’s birth had brought that horrendous summer to the forefront of Nicole’s mind.

There was so much Nicole wasn’t saying. Her panic attacks were getting worse, despite the medication. She was scared to sleep. Scared to be without her daughter for a minute. She also couldn’t rid herself of her apathy toward everything that wasn’t Quinn—Greg, yoga, and Breathe, the company that used to be her whole life.

Tessa dabbed at the cut on Nicole’s forehead, and each pat made Nicole feel taken care of. “Come on. Let’s go see what that noise was. One step at a time.”

Nicole nodded and waited for Tessa to pick up Quinn. Then she followed Tessa out of the kitchen to search the main floor.

As they passed the front door of the house, Nicole paused. “You said the door was unlocked when you got here?”

Five days before, Greg had arranged for a new dead-bolt lock to be installed. It made her feel safer. Had she really left it unlocked? She’d taken her Xanax a few hours earlier, but that wouldn’t make her forget locking the door.

“Maybe Greg forgot to lock it when he left. He must be wrecked, too.”

Nicole extracted Quinn from Tessa’s arms so she could feel her baby’s warmth on her body.

“He’s not … He’s been staying late at work and sleeping in the guest room the past week. He can’t get enough sleep with Quinn in the same room.”

Tessa’s face softened with sympathy. “Could you put Quinn to bed in the crib in the nursery? Give you guys a little space?”

Nicole fought the irritation that quickly rose inside her. Greg had suggested the same thing, and when she’d said no, that was when he’d given up offering to come home early. Tessa and Greg just didn’t understand what it was like to be a mother. She felt a deep plunge of loneliness.

“Maybe soon,” she said as they continued to scan the main floor, finding nothing broken.

Yet as they mounted the spiral steps, Nicole’s skin pricked with needles of dread.

At the top of the stairs, Nicole gasped. “What the hell?”

The nursery door that had been tightly closed was now open. Tiny pieces of crystal glinted in the crib, the chandelier smashed to bits on the pink polka-dotted sheets. A large crevice marred the tray ceiling, the exact spot where the pretty, pink-beaded light fixture from Petit Trésor used to hang above the crib.

Nicole’s eyes swept over the destruction. Lights didn’t just fall for no reason. “You can see what I see, right?”

“Yes.” Tessa paused, as though weighing her words. “Were you actually afraid I couldn’t?”

“Oh my God,” Nicole said. She kissed her daughter’s silky hair over and over. “Quinn could have been killed.”