Woman on the Edge(2)

The woman’s eyes sweep the platform once again. Then her arms reach out. She launches her baby toward me; my hands catch the infant by instinct. I look down at the child in my arms, and I tear up. The yellow blanket she’s wrapped in is so soft against my skin, the baby’s face serene and content.

When I look back up at her mother a second later, the train is shrieking into the station.

And that’s when she jumps.





CHAPTER TWO NICOLE




Before

Nicole tapped her gold Montblanc Boheme Papillon pen—a gift from her husband, Greg—on the last page of Breathe’s glossy winter catalog. Something was off. The model leaned into warrior pose, showcasing the new line of straight-leg yoga dress pants. Nicole squinted at the picture. Yes, there was a wrinkle on the model’s knee. That wouldn’t do. This ad campaign was her last major project before she went on maternity leave at the end of the day. As founder and CEO of one of the bestselling athleisure and wellness companies in North America, she had final approval on everything that Breathe produced. She wouldn’t walk out of work until this catalog was perfect.

Nicole sighed. How was she going to stay away from the office? She’d never even taken a vacation without her phone and laptop. She hadn’t really taken a vacation at all, come to think of it. She’d be away only six weeks, she told herself. A month and a half that she’d negotiated with her nemesis, Lucinda Nestles, executive chairperson of Breathe, and the other board members. She wanted to start her life as a mother off right, but she couldn’t imagine not working. In a lot of ways, Breathe was her first baby. Now, she was carrying her second. It would be okay, though. Tessa, her best friend and Breathe’s chief product officer, would keep her apprised of all affairs while she was gone.

She pushed the wireless intercom to call her office manager. “Holly, can you ask Tessa to come see me as soon as she gets in?”

“Yes, of course,” Holly replied.

Nicole pulled her thick chestnut curls off her face and laid a hand on her swollen belly. She felt a foot or maybe an elbow protruding. The reality of her impending motherhood both excited and terrified her. It wasn’t something she’d planned. She’d gone to her doctor to get relief from what she believed was a serious bout of the stomach flu. Instead, she learned she was thirteen weeks pregnant. She was always so busy with work she’d forgotten to track her period, and the stress of her job made it irregular. The shocking news had sent a hot flash of fear through her chest. But the moment the ultrasound technician ran the sensor over her stomach, filling the air with the noise of what sounded to Nicole like a herd of galloping horses, she felt hope and anticipation. A chance at redemption. This was an opportunity, a chance to absolve herself of the past. A chance to bring forth a new life—for her baby and for herself.

She smiled now when she thought of the night she’d shown Greg the sonogram. She had waited until they’d come home from the launch party for Breathe’s ten-minute-wellness app. Right after they’d settled on the couch to debrief, as they did after every Breathe event, she slipped the black-and-white photo in his hand.

“What’s this?” he’d asked, his brow furrowed.

She wasn’t sure how he’d react, exactly, but she knew it would be okay. “Our baby.”

“What?” he’d whispered, as though any louder would make the news more real.

His eyes grew huge, and he paled so quickly she thought he might pass out.

“I know we never planned this, but it’s happened.” She reached for his hand and entwined her fingers with his. Her husband loved when she touched him. He adored her. He put her needs above his.

He still looked stunned, but his eyes softened. “I’m going to ask this only once, and then I’ll be right by your side no matter what you answer. You want this baby?”

She looked right into his eyes. “I want this baby. We can give a child everything, Greg. We’ll be great parents. We’ll figure it out. We always do.”

He smiled then and looked again at the paper. “I don’t see it.”

She’d laughed and pointed out the tiny bean in the picture.

He cocked his head at her. “You always said you never wanted kids.”

Greg was right.

“I didn’t know how much I wanted it until it happened.”

“I assume we’ll get a nanny. You’re not going to stay at home, obviously.”

Nicole flinched. She’d never hire a nanny. And she’d never tell Greg the reason. So all she said was: “I’ll see how much time I can take, and Breathe has a day care on-site.”

He nodded but still looked floored by the massive life change they’d never planned for.

On their first date—mere hours after she’d slammed into the back of his Audi because she was rushing to a meeting—she’d told him she never wanted children, as a baby at the next table screamed throughout their entire meal. He’d laughed it off and said he would leave the decision in her hands. Empowering her even then. And when he’d winked, it had sent sparks through her. They’d discussed the possibility once more right after they’d gotten married a year later, but Nicole was firm: They were both career-focused, and kids would weigh them down. She never did tell him why she’d been so adamant she’d never be a mother. Greg was her rock. She never wanted to be a failure in his eyes. She loved him deeply, and now she realized that a baby would bring them even closer.