Within These Wicked Walls(41)

I grabbed the doorknob to my room, but his hand was suddenly on top of mine, keeping the knob from twisting, pulling back as I pushed forward. His other hand rested on the doorjamb to keep himself steady. He was actually as strong as his height suggested when he put his mind to it.

“It was a verbal agreement I made when I was fourteen,” he said. “A fancy, really. I was young. I didn’t know what I was saying.”

“Esjay seems to think it’s legitimate.”

“Esjay never minds his own business.”

“That’s because his business is minding yours.”

I wanted to hate the feeling of his body shielding me with warmth. I wanted to hate him for kissing me. But, God, I didn’t.

“At least give me a chance to explain,” he said.

“Explain what? That you’re using me for your own pleasure while being committed to Kelela?”

“I’m not committed to Kelela.”

“You’re a liar.” I pushed against his pull, managing a small gap before he slammed the door shut again. I felt my heart pumping, irrationally, my adrenaline kicking in from being cornered in a small space. It didn’t matter that Magnus could never scare me, would never pose a threat, whether he intended to or not. Soon my good survival habits would prompt me to put a stop to it more violently. “Back away from me, sir.”

“Again with ‘sir.’ Andromeda, it’s me—”

I spun to face him. “You are my employer, sir. Nothing more.”

His grip loosened, his hand trembling against mine. “What can I do to prove I want you?”

Before tonight I would’ve blushed. Felt unworthy of the sweet attention I was being shown. Now I knew the attention meant nothing.

But his expression was knitted with pain and desperation and—oh God, why was he looking at me like this? I had to repeat to myself that he was a dirty liar, that he wanted Kelela, that he had drawn her. But he was so close I could feel his breath caressing my face, and I wanted his lips, I wanted them—

As if hearing my thought, he kissed me. I bucked anyway, shoving hard against his chest, trying to pry his hand from the back of my neck, to turn my face away from his. But when a verbal protest finally made it to my lips it didn’t sound like a protest at all.

I grabbed his sweater, dragging him closer so quickly we slammed against the door. But he didn’t stop kissing me, and I didn’t want him to. For a moment, our souls spoke to each other a single truth, shutting out all the anger and shame. In that moment we both wanted each other, deeply and honestly.

But then the moment was over, and reality stepped back in … and honesty had nothing to do with it.

I pushed his face aside to catch my breath. Magnus let me, thank God—maybe because he knew his fantasy was over.

“You flirt with me,” I said, my voice shaking. “You kiss me. And the whole time you’re engaged to someone else.”

“But you want this too, don’t you?” he said, and I felt like a thread about to snap.

I shoved him in the chest, and he stumbled backward. “I may be poor and ugly,” I said, “but I have human rights, same as anyone. I will not be a fancy to you like your engagement was. I will not be used.”

“Withholding details isn’t lying, Andromeda. Everyone does it, even you—blazes, especially you. But none of that means I used you. I would never use you.”

“You already have.” I braced myself against the door as he approached, halting him with my words. “Don’t touch me.”

“Why, will you bite?”

“If I have to.”

He let out a short, breathy laugh, his gaze so steady I felt naked beneath it. “You are remarkable.”

I took an even breath to calm my nerves. “I’m going to bed.”

“Not like this,” he said, reaching out to me. “Not angry with me.”

“I am a human being with free will. I am going to bed.”

“You know I’m a tactless fool sometimes.” Magnus sighed heavily, as if he were in pain. “Stay with me, Andromeda. Forgive me and stay.”

“I can’t forgive you if you never actually apologize.”

I shut the door in his face, just in time to partially block out his annoying “I didn’t apologize?”

I leaned my back against the door, covering my mouth to mute my trembling breath. I couldn’t believe I actually thought … but of course it had all been in my head. I should’ve known better—anything that felt that good could never be true. God, I was an idiot. Any man who could kiss one woman while being committed to another, no matter how tenuous the commitment … How could I believe anything he said ever again?

And yet his voice, right up against the wood of the door, muted but somehow still ringing through me … “I’m sorry, Andromeda. Please, believe me. I’m sorry…”

I hated that his pleading softened me. That he held such power. That I wanted nothing more than to open the door, forgive him, kiss him again and again.

Instead I threw the lock and buried myself in blankets to block out his pleas.





CHAPTER 17


I hadn’t had much time to devise a plan, and the one I did come up with was rocky at best: Stand outside Tom’s room just before the Waking begins. Cleanse whatever Manifestation comes to make him “vanish.” Don’t get eaten alive by the house in the process. Magnus had said the servants’ quarters were cleansed, and so I wouldn’t have to worry about any other strokes getting in the way.