Where the Stars Still Shine(4)

“Mom, what did you do?”

“Nothing,” she whispers. “I didn’t do anything.”

The deputy reaches the car and she cranks down the window.

“Something wrong?” She flutters her eyelashes and smiles at the young deputy standing beside the open window. The fluttering pings off him as if he were wearing a flirt-proof vest. She’s only thirty-three, but years of smoking and drinking—but mostly the running—have made her old before her time.

“Ma’am.” The deputy leans down to her window as a second patrol car pulls in front of the Toyota. This is not good. “I’ll need to see your license, registration, and proof of insurance, please.”

She puts on a show of searching her purse for the imaginary documents while I gnaw my frayed thumbnail. Her driver’s license is long expired, this car is not registered, and there’s no way in hell we have car insurance.

“I must have left them in my other purse,” she says.

“Do you know why I pulled you over tonight?” the deputy asks. Through the dirt-streaked windshield, I watch another officer emerge from the second car. He’s older and a little heavier than the first deputy.

Mom shakes her head. “No, sir, I don’t.”

“Your left taillight is out,” he says. “And I was going to suggest you get yourself to the nearest auto supply store and get that fixed—”

“Oh, I will,” she interrupts. “We’ll be waiting in the parking lot the minute they open.”

“—but I ran your license and discovered the plate was reported stolen, so I’m going to have to ask you to step out of the car.”

The old hinge squeaks as he opens the door, but Mom doesn’t move. She just sits there. Stunned. As if it’s only now that she realized she is not invincible. That time has caught up with her.

“Ma’am,” the officer repeats. “Out of the car, please.”

When I was seven and we lived in a tiny town called Kearneysville, I got sick with a really high fever. For three days I wove in and out of consciousness, dizzy and unsure if I was awake or dreaming. That’s how this feels.

“There must be some kind of mistake,” Mom insists, as the first officer fastens a pair of handcuffs around her wrists and tells her about her right to remain silent. “The plate was on the car when I bought it.”

This is probably not true, since her life is a carefully crafted house of cards, constructed of lies and teetering on the brink of collapse at every moment. When they discover the truth, a stolen license plate will be nothing. Because twelve years ago, after she and my father divorced, my mother abducted me. I’m numb as the deputy leads her to his car. Wasn’t it only an hour ago that I wished we’d stop running? This is not what I meant.

“Don’t tell them anything,” Mom says. Her features are distorted through a watery film of tears that turn her into someone I don’t recognize. “Keep your mouth shut.”

The door beside me opens. My legs shake as I get out of the Toyota, and I grab hold of the door frame to keep from falling down. My world has tilted like the floor of a carnival fun house.

“Is she your mother?” the second deputy asks.

Mom has never had a contingency plan for getting caught, so I don’t know what to say that won’t throw her under the bus. My eyes fixed on the hole in my left sneaker, I nod. “Yes, sir.”

He transfers me to his patrol car. Assures me that I’m not under arrest. Asks my name. My throat is a desert, and my lips are chapped when I lick them. What do I say that won’t betray my mom? How do I keep the truth from coming out?

“Callie.” I’ve had so many identities over the years, plucked from baby-name books, television shows, and fairy tales. Once Mom dared me to name myself after the next intersection, and I spent a month as Loma Linda Charles. A laugh bubbles out of my throat as I think of that, but it’s not funny, really. I’m scared. “Callie Quinn.”

He closes the door and confers with the first deputy for a few minutes. Then the arresting officer gets into his car and pulls out onto the highway. The blue lights go off, and the car with my mother inside is swallowed up by the darkness.

The second officer returns. On the other side of the cage, he types something into his computer. What it tells him is a mystery he doesn’t share; he only offers me a grim smile in the rearview mirror before we drive off into the night, leaving the Corona at the side of the road with my life zipped up in a brown tweed suitcase.

Leaving my guitar behind.

All I have left is an evil eye bead that doesn’t work—and me.





Chapter 2


The man standing in the sheriff’s office lobby the next day—the one with his hands jammed deep in the pockets of his jeans—is a stranger, but I recognize him the same way I recognize my own face. The brown of his eyes. The slope of his nose. Cheekbones. Jawline. And the way he worries his lower lip is so familiar that I’m not surprised to discover myself doing the same thing. I run my fingers over my chapped lips and wonder if he’s as nervous as I am. My father.

He doesn’t match up with the picture in my head. Mom usually likes them stocky and pugilistic, with bashed-in noses and thick forearms. Aging men who drink whiskey and drive muscle cars older than her. But in this man I can still see the boy-next-door he used to be.