What Lies Beyond the Veil(Of Flesh & Bone #1)(77)

“The first moment I knew I loved your daddy was when I told him about the fight with your Granddaddy. It was our first real date, and he took me to see a movie. About halfway through the movie, he realized I was crying. And the movie was a comedy! So, he took me outside and asked me what was wrong.” The line is silent for five whole seconds before Momma speaks again. “I told him the truth, about how me and my daddy had just got in a big stupid fight over a headshot. How I felt like my own daddy didn’t even love me anymore, because when he saw the picture, the picture that made me feel so beautiful, like a woman . . . he slapped me and said I looked like a whore.”

The first thought that flashes cross my mind is not Granddaddy. I don’t say nothin’, though, cause I ain’t sure what to say. Momma ain’t ever even used that word, whore, when talking to me. I’m surprised she told me all of this now. I’m surprised Granddaddy ain’t tell me.

“I’m sorry, Momma,” I finally say. “Granddaddy ain’t tell me that part.”

“And he shouldn’t have,” Momma says, “because you’re still a little girl, KB, even though you want to know everything the adults know. But we just want you to enjoy being a kid. Being all grown up is a lot harder than it seems.”

“Yeah,” I say, fighting away images of that dumpster and Rondell.

“And besides, your Granddaddy is so happy to have you and Nia there. He loves you girls so much! I think it’s good for him to have you there. Almost like it—”

Momma stops, so I finish. “Almost like it makes up for what he did to you?”

“Almost,” Momma whispers.

We both stay silent after that. I think bout what Momma just told me, then think bout what Nia told me, bout her and Daddy. Two different daughters, both hurt by they daddies. I bet if Momma knew what Daddy did to Nia, she might go easier on her. I bet if Nia knew what Granddaddy did to Momma, she might understand differently what Daddy did to her. But for now, I’m the only one who knows everything. I wonder what it means bout our family that this has happened to Momma and to Nia. I wonder what it means bout Momma that even after it happened, she sent us here, to live with Granddaddy. And I wonder what any of this means now that I love Granddaddy and think he’s bout the best man that’s ever been in my life.

“KB?” Momma finally says. Her voice is shaky, like she either been crying or trying not to cry.

“I’m here,” I say.

“I just want you to know that . . . nobody’s perfect. Not even the people who you want to be perfect. Need to be perfect. Even those people are going to make mistakes. And it’s up to us, the ones who get hurt, to decide what’s going to happen after that.”

“But what if you don’t wanna forgive ’em?” I ask, looking at Nia.

“I’m gonna tell you something that’s taken me a long time to learn,” Momma says. “In life, we’re going to get hurt. If we stay focused on that hurt, and nothing else, then we won’t ever be able to heal. But if we focus on the healing, well, then we’ll start to notice that hurt disappear. It’s all a matter of what you choose to focus on.”

I nod, then remember Momma can’t see me, so I say, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Have fun at dinner.”

“I love you, Momma.”

“I love you back, KB.” Momma hangs up, but I keep the phone up to my ear a few seconds longer.

“So,” Nia says, breaking the silence, “looks like you ain’t get to tell her bout the plan, either.” I shake my head no and we both stare at each other for a second before breaking out into giggles. “Same ol’ Momma,” Nia says.

“Same ol’ Momma,” I say back.



* * *





We decide to go to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. It’s the perfect choice cause I love the chips and cheese they bring out to the table when we first sit down, and chicken quesadillas are Nia’s favorite food. Seems like Granddaddy happy with the choice, too, cause he eats almost all of the first basket of chips before I can.

After our failed conversation with Momma, me and Nia decided we would go back to the original plan, trying to convince Granddaddy that we should all live together in Lansing. And since Nia don’t know everything I know, my other secret plan is to get Granddaddy to apologize to Momma. At first, I was nothin’ but mad at Granddaddy. But then I remembered everything he told me bout how much he loved Momma; how scared he was after Granny died. When I put that together with what Momma said—if we focus on the healing, we’ll start to notice the hurt disappear—I decided that it ain’t bout me knowing and understanding what happened; it’s bout Momma and Granddaddy doin’ that for themselves.

“So, Granddaddy,” Nia starts up before our food even arrives, “we’ve been thinking.”

“Is that so,” Granddaddy says, smirking as he takes a sip of his water. “And what have you been thinking about, exactly?”

“Well, summer is almost over. And we still haven’t heard anything about when exactly Momma is planning to come back. Have you talked to her?” Nia innocently stirs her ice cubes around with her straw.

Granddaddy shifts in his seat, then clasps and unclasps his hands two times before speaking. “We ain’t talked much. But your momma got other stuff to worry bout right now.”